Dealing with the stress of...not paying?

[BKDebby]

CCSJOE, I feel/felt exactly as you do. I've never missed a cc payment since I got my first cc back in 1976! Due to veterinary bills, car repairs, medical bills and lots of medicine my copay didn't cover, in addition to a cut in my pay at work, I felt no other choice than to file BK. Which I plan on doing 5 weeks from now. There's no turning back now as the minimum payments are so high there is no way I could come up with the money.

My 2 cc's with the highest balances are now over 60 days late and they have been calling me non-stop. Now they are calling me at work and last Thursday and today I finally had to tell Discover and Chase that I'm filing. It makes me feel so bad to say it to them that it completely ruins my day. Thankfully, I can close the door to my office at work so no one can hear me when I'm on the phone with them.

My Discovercard would have taken me 37 years to pay it down by making the mininum only, which is all I could afford to pay. Once this BK is behind me, it's time to get my life back.

Oh, I had a FICO of 780 before this happened.

[ccsjoe]

BKDebbie,

My wife and I realized last month that unless we made some severe changes, not only would we have another huge tax bill next year, but that we wouldn't be able to afford school for our little one. After much looking at budget, cc's had to go so that we can 1. adjust income tax witholdings appropriately, and 2. get healthcare insurance (little one currently is the only one insured), and 3. start saving (again) for retirement, 529, etc.

[nomore008]

Stress

I too am dealing with the stress of not be able to pay my bills. this is the first time we have not paid out bills on time. I have not stopped paying them at all, so we can have food, electric and gas to get to work. Everyting is such a mess. I feel really bad.
I paid the cc 's for too long and now I am behind on the basics. I am just wondering how long I will get to say in my house, because we have no money to move and no one to help us do it. Hubby had a spinal cord injury last Oct.
Creditors call all day and night. We try not to answer the phone. I hope no one sues us for the money we owe.

[ccsjoe]

What geographical region are you at? Hopefully somewhere I can provide some assistance with. Your situation sounds dire. Also, are you looking at filing and what is your timeframe? Have you looked at probono if u qualify?

[cantbreathe]

We completely understand. It was the most frightening and unnatural thing for us to do as well. Just that unavoidable and ultimately powerless feeling knowing the domino effect to come was like stepping in front of a dark train tunnel , feeling the vibration of the tracks and hearing the whistle blowing. The should have, would have, could haves are valuable lessons now. The fear for us is not over. Don't do what we did and let the fear paralyze you from taking action until collectors start making good on their threats. It's a big mess. We had great credit and just purchased our first home 3 years ago. Loss of income, illness and some bad judgment on cc use and here we are.

[drowningNIL]

We stopped paying and using our CCs about a year ago. It was a very difficult step for us to take. We had terrific credit and valued that. It felt dirty and shameful to have to stop paying the CCs.

I think it took me a few months to get past the shameful feelings but I did. We had to do what we had to do & I don't have regrets because there was no other option at the time.

I am sorry we're all in this boat. Hope everybody hangs in there. Good luck to all.

This is a wonderful forum full of info and very helpful and supportive people.

[justbeach03]

This too shall pass! I'm filing due to a fail business. Personally had excellent credit but everything persaonlly guarenteed- so along with a biz down the drain, so goes my credit. The government didn't give me any money like it did the Big Bizs, so I consider this MY BAILOUT!

My mom on the other had is 65, and cannot quit her job because she has 12 credit cards (18K) that she feels obligated to pay off before she can retire. She can only afford minimum payments, But she is the resposible "old school" mindset to pay for what is borowed. Can't get her to see the reason that there is BK for people just like her. People shouldn't work themselves into the grave trying to payoff CC companys that get bailouts!

[LadyInTheRed]

The government didn't give me any money like it did the Big Bizs, so I consider this MY BAILOUT!

When a friend of mine pointed that out to me, all guilt over filing BK was erased. Have you tried using that logic on your mother?

[tcreegan]

holdover

Hello all,

Maybe first time non-payer anxiety is a hold over from the day and age where debtors and creditors knew each other, lived in the same town, shook hands on a deal.

Now with huge corporations paying obscene compensation to executives, outsourcing jobs overseas, while finding loopholes to charge more money from the poorest consumers, all with no regret or remorse. Easy to justify cutting them out of the money pool.

In the end, remember that a bankruptcy is a business decision. It has nothing to do with character or virtue, it is numbers on paper and procedures set out in law.

If you are determined to re-introduce character and virtue into the process, you can voluntarily pay creditors after your case has closed. Probably most importantly, figure out what you could have done to stay out of bankruptcy and do that, vigilantly, for all your days.

just some rambling,

Tom in Colo

[azballer]

My wife and I are 60 days into missing the CC payments ($1625 monthly on 9 cards)...and the house...and the cars...and the boat. Talk about stress! All you can do is be open with your spouse and family and talk as much as you need to.

The calls are getting out of hand now and Discover actually contacted my wife's mother in an attempt to find her. We both receive around 20 calls per day on our cell phones (we have not used a land line for years).

I did purchase "iBlacklist" for our cellphones today and it works great. We both have iPhones and basically the app allows you to enter the numbers of the calls you don't want to receive and gives the creditors a busy signal when they do try to call you. Only one creditor was able to make my phone ring today and that number was added to the "blacklist" immediately.

Not taking the calls may not be the most responsible decision, but it is nice to be able to have our phones off of vibrate for once in almost 4 weeks. I am honestly not trying to sell anyone the app, just sharing my solution to the calls on the cell phone.

CNN had a great article yesterday on how to get the app on an iPhone. You have to "jailbreak" your phone, but it is sooooooooo worth it. Click here to read the story

We are still 2 months from filing (income from April needs to go away) and not having the constant cell phone calls as a reminder of our situation will help is to make it to our filing date.

Just my two cents...

[ccsjoe]

Never thought my initial ramble would trigger such a response. This is an awesome board, thanks everyone. And yes, I've just cnofirmed we're retaining our bk attorney this Friday and hopefully filing by end of month. Even though we only stopped using cc's a week ago, none of the items purchased were luxury over $500 in last 90 days and attorney isn't phased by incidental expenses such as gas, occasional fast food, groceries. We'll see when we meet and start working, but we need to file asap in order to breathe and live again. I will keep forum updated as well as help those here with whatever knowledge I can bring to the table. Thank you all again for the support

[nomore008]

[QUOTE=azballer;436356]Not taking the calls may not be the most responsible decision, but it is nice to be able to have our phones off of vibrate for once in almost 4 weeks. I am honestly not trying to sell anyone the app, just sharing my solution to the calls on the cell phone.

Even when we talk to the cc companies and tell them we might pay later or can not pay now, they call back the next day. I try to hold them off my telling them I might make a pyyment later in the month. Then they want to set up a debit out of my checking account. I already had to close a checking account because a cc company would not stop the debit when I asked them too.
On the iphone I noticed that if you hit the button on top it will stop ringing/vibrating but not hang up on them. If I press ingnore it will hang up on them.

I am not sure I am ready to hijack my phone, but I did look for that app. Thanks for the info. It sure helps to know I am not the only one in this situation.

[researchnerd]

You are so not alone. My credit scores were in the mid 700s, never a late payment...but then DH lost his job and our income was cut in half. After burning through our savings we started using CCs to get by, struggling to pay the mortgage. We kept thinking, just one more month and he'll find another job...but no. Finally we got our priorities straight and just stopped paying.

Missing that first payment was hard, but I kept thinking about how little they cared about their customers when they decided to jack all our CC interest rates and minimums last fall, for no reason. And it's such a relief to use my income for actual living expenses now instead of endless interest.

[ssmdem]

[On the iphone I noticed that if you hit the button on top it will stop ringing/vibrating but not hang up on them. If I press ingnore it will hang up on them.

If they call my cell phone, I hit IGNORE all the time. I don't care if it hangs up on them or not. They've got my home number which I do answer and talk to them when I am home. One of them asked in a conversation if the cell number was correct, and I said, "Yes, it is - but I'm going to keep hitting ignore everytime because I'm not using my cell minutes to discuss this with you. You have a number to reach me. There's no reason to continue calling my cell phone." She said she'd make a note of it - whatever!

I have Verizon and have keyed all the numbers in online that I have received calls from and it blocks them from even ringing my cell phone. That has helped tremendously with my stress level. My cell phone rang 5 times one afternoon when I was having lunch with a friend.

[humuhumu]

ccsjoe,

You are in good company, despite your current circumstances. You will find out who your friends are (or aren't) but thank goodness we are in the US where we have a second chance. Friends abroad do not have the relief of the bankruptcy system, so they live with the stress forever. No relief - ever. And we know some very successful people who are now unable to meet their financial obligations. they are good people!! I am focused on being thankful for my family, health and the friends who do not superficially judge me for filing. I have been a huge drone in this credit system, paying outrageous 'universal default' credit card fees when they jacked up my rates - and I did it for two YEARS. It has been a huge shift, but for me, over a long period of time. I had a card with not pre-set limit. Luxury cars, multiple houses, built-in responsibility to take care of others at the expense of my own lifestyle, tons of employees. It happens. Now, I actually feel like I hold people who had to lived through bankruptcy in HIGHER esteem than others. We face the music and finally acknowledge that we cannot overcome the huge machinations which are the credit card and finance companies. I wish you the best. May the force be with you.