Most "devastating" part of BK??

[offthewall]

The most 'devastating' part about admitting I needed to go the bk route was admitting to myself that it was the only route left for me. I have also always been a 'good citizen', payed my bills on time, great credit scores, etc. I worked really hard at keeping that profile, feeling I could always be proud of the fact that I 'made it', no matter what mountains stood in my way.

But like so many other regular, 'good citizens' here, the real world crept in and took over. I have been devastated more by the things which led me to this place, so now, especially after seeing all of the stories here, I am feeling elated by the chance to start fresh again. My credit card total is at $55K. It didn't get there by 'blowing' money on non-essentials. It took 7 years of 'just getting by' and being laid off more than once to create the 55k monster.

Obviously I spent beyond my means. A big part of that was in maintaining a single parent household for my daughter that could rival a little bit of the lush lifestyle the other parent was able to provide for her...my teenage daughter is severely alienated from me by a father who looks down at me anyway. I fought hard to make it appear to her that I was not 'worthless'. Here it is today, and although I must clean the slate now, I don't regret putting the things on credit I would not have otherwise been able to afford....a week at summer camp for her, a dinner out now and then for us, gifts for her at birthdays and Christmas. Even rent and groceries when I was out of work for a 3 month stretch. She has some good memories of life with me because of those credit cards. Most of our days were just surviving. But I hope that some of those good memories will bring her back to me someday.
When she does seek me out again, I will be a confident mom with a tidy life and home (although rented) that I can be proud of (and no more money stress). THAT will be because I am OK with BK.

[newbegin]

Thank God,

That we live in a country where it is possible to stop the madness when the stress gets so unbearable and there is no other way out, than to file bankrupcy.
Some people live in countries where there is no recourse and become literal slaves to their taskmasters, for the rest of their lives.

[Fresh]

Pre-Filing Was The Worst

I'm in the waiting phase now and can say that the pre-filing was by far the most horrible time. I was so glad I had found this site when I had decided that in order to stay afloat that I would have to let the payments to the credit cards go. It gave me reassurance that the world would not come to an end. I cannot express how scared I was to do that. Like others, I had never missed a payment in all the time I had been paying.

What I realized afterward was how much stress had been related to figuring out how to make the payments and even submitting them.

And, the harassing phone calls from debt collection companies were horrendous. I had turned off my ringer and it was so nice to be able to turn it back on and hear from friends when the automatic stay went into effect.

~Fresh~

[feelingnutsy]

There isn't one thing mentioned in this thread that I haven't felt so far---

1.the first devastation is hitting rock bottom and realizing that the life led with
credit has become unsustainable---after living with high credit scores and also
paying every bill on time---it's like an alcoholic---finally getting sober and try-
ing to do something about the mess---this is obviously where bk comes in.

2.the next devastation is the initial flood of emotions that you feel---I cried/
wailed/went hissy and pissy/fussed---and checked out other avenues of how
to settle my debts---but the more I read about debt settlement companies--
the more I ran away from them.However---I have allowed myself to grieve---
and then---per the inimitable words of someone on this board---I believe it
was albatross---I've tried to put on my big-girl pants and get cracking.

3.the next devastation is the uncertainty and fear that comes with the pre-
filing period---the collectors---mortgage companies---weaning yourself off of
the credit cards---using cash only---finding new digs---it's enormous.

4.another devastation is perhaps feeling that you're really alone---although
this forum is a major blessing for info and ideas---we all still have to leave our
own singular realities---and this is where you find out who your true friends
are.

5.one more devastation is realizing that you need help---if you're the inde-
pendent kind like I am---and this is where my lawyer has assisted---and been
someone to turn to---psychologically as well---since he knows that I can
be a high-strung nervous nelly.

In the middle of this devastation---here are two things that I've learned---
for whatever help they may be to people on this board who recognize them-
selves in these posts------

1.my attorney is a fairly lowkey---non-legal-eagle type---and he says---
bankruptcy is an asset---and I now can see what he means.

2.the other thing is one that I've learned smack-dab on this board---and
repeat to myself like a mantra---in the middle of the devastation---do let
yourself flip out---to release the stress---but then realize that what you're
making is A Business Decision---how you got in trouble---and don't repeat it.

The outcome of this devastation will hopefully be a new and saner path.

[FS09]

The toughest part for us was telling our friends and family. We waited until we were discharged to spill the beans. You certainly find out who your real friends are!! For the most part, everyone was understanding and supportive. I only wish we had told them sooner to reduce our stress level. A few of those close to us are now going through the same thing. It's nice to be able to offer them support and guidance.

[Fallonedward]

The most 'devastating' part for our family is going to be finding employment. Company's have every excuse as o why they choose not to hire you and now we are giving them one more. Hubby has been unemployed for 4 months and many of our friends are going on 1 to 2 years of being unemployed

[nervous1]

Wow - keep sending the replies - they are so helpful. Each and every post is truly appreciated. One statement that stood out to me was "our country did this to me." I totally agree with that....just watching the news this past week....I think there's going to be a huge wave of BKs soon. Or, ppl like me, who don't think they should do it, but instead, worry and cry and worry and cry and spend most of their time trying thinking about how to get out of this mess.

FS09, why did you feel as if you had to tell your family/friends?

[FS09]

nervous1 - We told them after discharge once my wife's Acura was repo'd and when it was clear we would eventually lose the house. It was going to be pretty obvious something "bad" was going on! It also felt great to clear our conscience.

[CreditCretin]

I am still in the middle of our process, having just filed in June, but I have to say that so far the most "devastating" part of filing was having to make the decision to file. Seriously.

I was like many here, very, very high credit scores hovering around 800 last summer. Hearing all my life how important it is to build your score, and keep your score high. Then things started to unravel. Credit debt started rising over the years, slowly as we could afford the minimum payments and have cash left. Then the cash that was left was becoming less and less just to make the payments until it got to the point that just buying a soda and a candy bar and needing to charge it with no paper money in the wallet. Then to make payments to CC, we had to stop saving for property taxes, so let's just start charging that too...

We had a rude awakening late last summer when I actually tallied up my debt and it was over 100K! I never consciously accepted that thought before. That was an eye opener. I mean of course I knew I had the debt, but didn't realize (or didn't want to realize) it was that high. It was spread over about 18-20 cards! Every week on Friday payday, I would pay 4-7 minimums. Then at the same time the value in our house tanked, I had started to think about pulling out the equity to pay off the debt. In retrospect that was one of the better things that happened, preventing us to borrow more from one bank to pay many others, because I can't image owing another 80-100K on a house that is now currently upside down by 20K.

All of our cards only had about 1/2 of the available credit available used, so they helped keep our Credit rating high. That and a perfect payment history no matter what the cost. Then the banks got their bailouts. (I wonder if that was devastating to the banks to have to ask and accept that......) And they started dropping all the available credit I had and the funny thing is, my credit rating started dropping. Now, I had almost 100% utilization on my cards.. Nice.

Then the decision became clearer. I was running out of choices. Credit limits dropping, too much debt to income to refinance the house to save me money, etc.. The banks weren't 'helping' me anymore. Really who could blame them. But I kept hesitating, what will the neighbors think, the family, etc. I need to find a way out, but not bankruptcy....

Then I started researching, reading this forum has helped more than I can say. I read the success stories, the trials and tribulations too, but still how with perserverance and planning, it can (and will) work. I interviewed 4 laywers and settled on what I am hoping is the right one. The one we hired said stop paying the CC bills, as many here have said as well. I can't tell you how hard it was, mentally, to not make that first payment. I felt horrible. But, then, I started having money in my pocket. I could buy gasoline, or groceries, and pay with my own cash, and not 'borrow' it from the banks by charging it. That started to feel good. I bring home groceries now, and think, I own these, we buy what we can afford and consciously think about every thing we buy now. Hey, I realized, this feels good, as opposed to when I'd buy stuff with credit, the last 10 months or so and feel horrible every time I'd buy something.

So, with my long winded reply (but it felt good to write it) there it is. The most devastating part to me was deciding to do it. Now I see it was the best thing to do for my family. I don't want to make it sound like everyone should just go out and file bankruptcy, but you will know when it's right for you. It has been easier since that decision was made.

I won't lie and tell you I'm not nervous about this whole process. We had the UST ask one question about our filing already.. That really got me nervous. But I reminded myself I was completely honest on our papers, and I am not trying to hide anything. I don't think I will feel completely calm until we get our discharge. If we get pushed into a 13, we will deal with that too. Even a 13 will be better than the way we were living before. I am now in control of my budget and my finances, and I am not chasing down the credit demon any more, robbing Peter to pay Paul every month and feeling awful about it.

Good luck to you. These boards have been very helpful, even if lurking more than posting.

[AmyD]

The feelings of shame and failure fade pretty quickly once you realize you're not alone right now. Our 341 meeting was just postponed a month "due to the high volume of bankruptcy filings in our district." Also, I was talking to a co-worker about how difficult the past two years have been in general, and found out that she just got her discharge! This is in an office of 10 people--2 out of 10 people have filed for BK. Several years ago, this would have been unheard of, right?

Hang in there--getting your life back in order is worth so much more than a good credit score.

[LSUTiger32]

I still wish that would have been another way. I often think to myself, if I had done this and this we could have avoided it. Look, it's not all roses and buttercups here. It's a stressful process at times but so is being in debt. There are some consequences after the fact as well, like insurance costs possibly going up.....not being able to get a mortgage, as well as other things that you aren't thinking about now that will come up once you are filed.

As I tell people, I don't regret what I did......but I do wonder if I did everything I could to avoid it. I think I did, but you do wonder.

[freedomnow7]

That we live in a country where it is possible to stop the madness when the stress gets so unbearable and there is no other way out, than to file bankrupcy.
Some people live in countries where there is no recourse and become literal slaves to their taskmasters, for the rest of their lives.

I have to say I agree with this wholeheartedly.

For me, it was a total wake up call. I had gone through a foreclosure on a rental property and a short sale on my home all within two years. I was sued by my HOA for $2500 on fees that I fell behind on. My credit was abysmal due to a small business failure. I went from having a 100k plus bank account to -600. So, when my two girlfriends, one who was milllions in debt due to the real estate market, convinced me to file, I strongly considered it.

I just filed about two weeks ago. And, it has made me awaken to the truth that 1) I won't truly OWN my home or or my car until it's fully paid off. Home "ownership" is a myth if I am writing checks to a bank every month. 2) If I don't learn how to NOT be a pawn in the financial industry's game, then I will be back in the same situation I was in before 3) No, I don't need that *thing* to make me feel better about myself...and no, I will NOT buy now and pay later.

Bk for me was an experience that I have to go through to realize these truths. I'm in marketing (by profession) so I am understanding that I was a perpetuating my own myths by driving a car that I could not afford, and trying to keep my head above water to keep from slowly drowning in the "dream" of falsehood.

Devasted? Absolutely not. Depressed? Nope. Happier than ever and feeling like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders? That's more like it.

The truth hurts...but I would rather be living with the light of awareness of where I truly stand in this society than in darkness.

The world is vast, and everyone will have their own experiences to create their lives. If we look at it filing for BK as being a positive, something we have to go through to learn those life lessons (whatever they may be for you), than that's what it will be. Don't sit up there for a minute and feel bad about this. It is there for us to put us back on track and make our lives a little easier. Just like unemployment...just like food stamps...just like welfare...just like gov't backed student loans...or any other program that we have in place to help us.

Focus on your overall health and well being...focus on your family, your children or whatever else that makes you happy. Don't focus on that BK more than you need to...learn the lesson and be happy and thankful for it and move on.

[BKOnce]

Life is SHORT. Not Worry, Move Forward, Be Happy.

[bakergrl]

I was devastated at the time but once it was over not so much. Now it is just trying to get everything cleaned up on my credit report and try to get things fixed without having to get bug our lawyer.

[Silver26]

We tried very hard to payback our Debt's, We did debt management plans we tried consolidating. we paid on our debt management for 2 months and then all of the sudden AMEX wanted almost triple what we had agreed to initially. Thats the day I stopped the plan and called an Attorney. I figured we made a good attempt and they didn't want to work with us so we needed to be protected by the law. I have no issues with any of it but my wife was terrified someone was going to find out about us. Our 341 is tomorrow and I cant wait to start living again.