Please don't bash me for asking this

[nervous1]

but does anyone else feel "low class" for filing or thinking about filing BK?

The last 4 years have been the hardest in my life. Three years with dealing with (primary caregiver) for my mom and her cancer battle. Losing her last July. One of the consequences of focusing so much attn. on her (which I DON'T regret) is that I wasn't paying close attn. to our financial situation. Love my husband, but he is HORRIBLE with money. A few years ago, we had enough to live comfortably the rest of our life if we just sat on it....nope. Made bad investments, trusted the wrong ppl, etc.

So..here we are, up to our ears in cc debt., sitting in a house we won't be able to pay for much longer. DH has no job, can't find one and we're paying for essentials with Ebay. And, like a fool, I thought "essentials" were cc payments. Thanks to THIS forum, I've finally figured out I was basically throwing away good money putting off the inevitable.

Someone tell me this too shall pass.

[newbie2]

but does anyone else feel "low class" for filing or thinking about filing BK?

The last 4 years have been the hardest in my life. Three years with dealing with (primary caregiver) for my mom and her cancer battle. Losing her last July. One of the consequences of focusing so much attn. on her (which I DON'T regret) is that I wasn't paying close attn. to our financial situation. Love my husband, but he is HORRIBLE with money. A few years ago, we had enough to live comfortably the rest of our life if we just sat on it....nope. Made bad investments, trusted the wrong ppl, etc.

So..here we are, up to our ears in cc debt., sitting in a house we won't be able to pay for much longer. DH has no job, can't find one and we're paying for essentials with Ebay. And, like a fool, I thought "essentials" were cc payments. Thanks to THIS forum, I've finally figured out I was basically throwing away good money putting off the inevitable.

Someone tell me this too shall pass.:(

This too shall pass. Once you start to think of filing bankruptcy as a business decision you will get past that point of being ashamed.

Make a fresh start and stop beating yourself up please.

[justfiveofus]

It will pass. Hang in there! Don't let anyone else make you feel "low class."

[minan]

Nervous1: I am in the same boat re: whether or not to file and the various emotions I've been going through: guilt, embarrassment, shame, etc....

I went into business for myself and didn't realize what I was getting myself into. I didn't setup a proper accounting system, didn't listen to the right people, listened to the wrong people, etc..and ended up with a huge back taxes issue with the IRS and State of CA.

No matter how many times I review the numbers, I will not be able to pay off everything in a timely manner. One of my credit cards, even though the debt is 3,300 will take me over 20 years to pay off if I may only the min. It says this on the credit card bill (now that they are required to inform the consumer).

Under a chapter 13, I will be able to pay my back taxes on my terms, not the IRS. They already levied an account and took all the money, leaving me with nothing.

After looking at the numbers, for me now, it's a financial decision. I have to resolve this issue before it impacts my current job. A bankruptcy is actually looked on as a positive step towards resolving the financial issues instead of me just ignoring me.

So you do need to stop looking at this with emotion. No one has the right to judge anyone because each of our situations is unique. You have to do what you need to ensure you have a place to live, food to eat, the basics to survive and get financial freedom from the credit cards.

[tigergem]

It's a business decision, and needs to be viewed as such. Donald Trump did it more than once. Does he look ashamed?

[Fresh]

Think about this...

No bashing here, and, yes, this will pass. If you roll through some posts, what you will find historically is that you see people go through various stages depending on their situations and who they are as folks. Whether it's visible or internal, I think most people go through the stage of feeling like "how did I screw everything up so badly." I think it's a part of being HUMAN. I think the more you get down to the nuts and bolts of your bankruptcy planning and execution, the more business-like you feel. Plus, I can say for myself that there are many people here who gave me virtual strength to move forward and know that there is a HUGE LIGHT at the end of the dark tunnel.

What I want you to think about is this: What if you did NOT have this option available to you?

I am so sorry for your loss and your illness. Hang in there, post often and know there are folks out here struggling and moving forward.

All the best to you!

~Fresh~

[CreditCretin]

It does pass, yes, it just takes a little time. I felt horrible about having to consider the possibility of filing for BK protection. Felt like a failure, a 'credit cretin' even, so to speak. I make decent money not rich for sure, but should be able to live on my salary, but paying 1000s a month to credit card minimums left me with no money to save, etc. It was hard to decide to file, and hard to meet with the attorneys. Once we met the right attorney, and decided it was the right business decision to make for my family, it got a little easier. The first creditor call was the absolute hardest and they were actually nice to me! It all got easier after that, and after I stopped paying the credit card companies and started paying myself, and using cash for everything.

Once you find a way to remove a little of the emotion from it, you will feel better. As to being low class, Donald Trump and Walt Disney were not low class in my opinion and they both filed.

[BKDebby]

but does anyone else feel "low class" for filing or thinking about filing BK?

Someone tell me this too shall pass.

Yes, I was feeling low class last month when I decided to retain an attorney and right now I'm paying him instead of my credit cards. I have struggled with selling items on Ebay ever since I took a pay cut at my job - this has been going on for 18 months now.

It finally hit home when I looked at the new disclosure on my DiscoverCard where if I just pay the minimum payment (which is all I can afford and right now it's $241 a month), it will take me 40 years to pay it off.

I have to look at this as a business decision. The first time I met with my attorney, I told him how ashamed I am (and I'm sure he's heard this a thousand times). He told me that I'm no different than Wall Street, they got their bailout and I deserve one, too.

[DeadManCrawling]

Here is something for you. I wrote it for someone else, a couple years ago, but it still holds, and I haven't the time to reframe the sentiment, which would still be identical, anyway. I drag it out now, in hopes it can reach you through the fog that some of us develop about bk.

Couple things, to ease your mind. It is NOT as difficult as many people think.

Scared, nervous, embarrassed? Man, I KNOW that feeling. A few weeks ago I was so petrified and humiliated I could hardly get out of bed.

You should read this board thoroughly. Use the "search" function to find the answers and suggestions for your questions.

To get over the scared part, educate yourself about the process. Knowing how it works will remove the fear and give you a sense of power. There ARE things you can do beforehand, though they may be somewhat limited depending on when you plan to file. PLANNING for BK is legal, if done right.

As far as the embarrassment, there are only individual decisions and every case is unique. I look at it this way: For the psat 4 years I have funded ballbreaking, record profit margins for some of the scummiest corporations on earth. I have paid 170k interest on purchases that totalled perhaps 55k. Stupid me.

At the same time, I inadvertently shirked duties to my family. We let medical/dental/retirement/leisure requirements go to hell. For what? So the CC companis would stay off our ass. THEN, after years of being a good customer, we called and asked for a reduction of interest or a reasonable payment plan. No dice, they said. We replied, "Well, I guess you will get NOTHING when we file bankruptcy." They said, "Fine" and hung up.

Embarrassed? You bet your ass. I am terribly embarrassed for putting my family in second place after these sharks and thieves.

What will the neighbors think? Who cares, I say, with a straight face. YOUR responsibility is to yourself and your family. How many neighbors/friends/coworkers will secretly wish they have the guts to file as well. I took the gloves off and openly announced this to virtually all of my friends. Guess what? They TOO are in the same type of situation. Almost all of them. They were shocked that I was so open about it, but it relieved the feeling of embarrassment as soon as they began asking ME questions, and describing their own financial mess. I decided, then and there, that I would scream my situation from the rooftops, hoping that it might help just ONE person avoid some of my mistakes.

Your worth as an individual is measured by more than a few bad decisions financially. Your worth, in my opinion, is tied to who you ARE, not what you OWN. It is also determined by the people you love, and who love you in return. These simple values stand in direct opposition to the "stigma" of BK. Your family and friends, if they are truly the people you hope they are, will not judge you based on a FICO score or filing bankruptcy.

We have found out who really loves us, and some of the results were quite surprising.

For instance, my wife's family was on hard times for a few years. We gave her parents a brand new car to drive, until they could save to get one of their own. We loaned them 15k. We bought them an estimated 9k in groceries. We paid THEIR CC bills. And cable bill. And utilities.

Then they received a 100k inheritance, from which they said they would pay us back a portion-at a later date. If we ever needed it.

Last December, we were informed our home insurance was set to double.

We asked them to return part of our money. 2k was all we needed.

No way, her father said. That's OUR retirement money.

What? We were stunned.

After all we had done, and after explaining our dire situation, they STILL opted to tell us to go piss into a freezing wind.

We are discovering who is real and who isnt. You likely will, too.

It's not about the neighbors. It's not about the in-laws or coworkers.

This is SURVIVAL. And the people you think care may not give a thought to you.

It's up to you to do the right thing for your family. Most of the rest of the world would have no opinion or care about whether you ended up living next to the river in a tent.

My 2 cents, as always.

DMC

[eventsdj]

Feel low class? NO WAY! Mabey for a minute. But Im 3 months post discharge and I feel like it was the best financial decision we have made in a LONG time and it has set our path straight!


Just wait for the relief you will feel.. that will come!

[lmaosm]

I have never filed for Chapter 7 or any type of Bankruptcy, but I have helped a close loved one do so, recently.

I had no idea about the mechanics involved and I have personally been in positions with companies managing 9 figure plus budgets and participated in board of directors of organizations through their good times and bad times (red and black).

My opinion having assisted with the actual filing of Chapter 7 for someone is that it was the MOST INTELLIGENT business decision this person has ever made from both a financial stand point to a personal health stand point.

Sometimes people find themselves in situations that are uncontrollable that lead to enormous debt ratios that can lead to very unhealthy life styles.

Filing Chapter 7 is most likely the MOST RESPONSIBLE closure for all parties involved. Learning from one's financial mistakes post-filing is important and going forward one should be more vigilant to external factors that can negatively influence one's financial well being.

So, don't feel bad having filed for Bankruptcy as long as you right the ship going forward with all of the newly learned ways to approach your life.

No big deal!!!

Having managed companies from huge risk situations (in the red), it was easier for me to see the similarities of decisions that a CFO / CEO of an organization makes to a CFO / CEO of one's personal finances. You learn to stomach harsh decisions in companies, which allows you to see the big picture when dealing with the same issues on a personal financial level.

In fact, once the person cleared 341, they stated that it was the hardest situation they have been through. I told them I thought that was the easiest. I also stated to them, organizing a disciplined financial plan going forward should be the hardest situation you are going to face to ensure you don't find yourself back in the same situation.

Take the emotions out of the equation and focus on the numbers! Think like a CFO or CEO.

One should feel bad for not dong something about their unhealthy financial situation, or for not filing for Bankruptcy to protect their families' assets and well being. That's being responsible. : )

And, if you find a loved one going through hard times and asking to borrow money time after time, I'd take it upon myself to review their financial status and pay for the $75.00 attorney fees for consulting Bankruptcy. You'll change their lives and yours. That's how I got involved.

[oregonpilot]

DMC......WOW. Thanks

[nervous1]

Wow. THANK YOU ALL so much. You've all given such wonderful advice and your personal stories have helped me more than you know. I do appreciate it....

[nervous1]

Oh, and DMC, about the relatives "helping"....

My SIL is fully aware of our situation. So, how has she helped? Well, she filed a lien on my DH (they inherited acreage and split 3 years ago) for a personal loan she talked him into (I know that sounds strange, but it's true.)

She is also harassing us saying we owe her all kinds of $$$, etc. Our side of the acreage that was split has an old cabin on it. Now, 3 years ago the split, she's claiming we owe her thousands of dollars for her portion of it. Hmmm...it's on our land, we're paying the taxes, insurance and utilities on it and she said before the split that SHE WAS TIRED OF TAKING CARE OF IT.

This is the same woman who owns three houses free and clear and just 6 months ago bought the property adjacent to her "primary" home for over $100,000. Then filed a lien on us for $9,000.

[BKDebby]

For instance, my wife's family was on hard times for a few years. We gave her parents a brand new car to drive, until they could save to get one of their own. We loaned them 15k. We bought them an estimated 9k in groceries. We paid THEIR CC bills. And cable bill. And utilities.

Then they received a 100k inheritance, from which they said they would pay us back a portion-at a later date. If we ever needed it.

Last December, we were informed our home insurance was set to double.

We asked them to return part of our money. 2k was all we needed.

No way, her father said. That's OUR retirement money.

What? We were stunned.
DMC

Geez, DMC, are you still on speaking terms with your in-laws?

Most of my DiscoverCard debt, which will take me 40 years to pay off at the minimum due, was not frivilous BTW. Medical bills, vet bills, gas, appliances breaking down, home repairs, etc.

What I feel the most angry about (at myself) is all the money I squandered away at the cc companies for the past 18 months trying to keep afloat. Until 2 weeks ago, I was NEVER past due on any of my credit cards. I had a FICO of 800 last year so I called DiscoverCard to ask about a decrease of my APR. They laughed at me. I guess the last laugh is on them now.

I checked my FICO again 2 months ago. It was 780. It will start dropping soon as I'm now starting to become over 30 days past due on my cc's.

So, I still do feel bad about doing this, but when I think of all the money I paid on my cc's that went to fattening up the CEO's salaries, I don't feel as bad. With my charge-offs, I'm sure they won't be taking much of a loss.