Every step makes me want to puke

[brendamc67]

I called an attorny today, and we are going up to see her on June 12 (a Saturday, which I found really strange). I was sort of taken aback when I talked to her paralegal. I told her how much my husband and I make (abt. $59k), and she said we were "just under" (I assume the median). The median in WA for a 2-member household is $63k. Somehow $4,000 doesn't seem like just under, but maybe it is to her.
I feel so bad. Most of the people who are filing, I'm sure, are unemployed and simply underwater. My husband and I could keep paying our bills, but we would never be able to buy our groceries without using the card and we would never be able to buy our meds. I know that everything I've done has been so stupid. I've used the cards to pay our utilities, buy groceries, pay for pet medical, and we have bought quite a few items that, in retrospect, we could have done without. We bought a metal storage building and a resin one as well... and we haven't put either of them up. I know that everything that has happened has been my fault. I've finally figured out (with the help of a therapist) that I am manic/depressive. When I would get really down, I could always go shopping. The sick thing is that I didn't buy clothing, shoes or jewelry. I bought cleaning supplies, food and stuff for the cats and dogs. I stocked up to the point of ridiculousness. We've thrown things away that I bought (food) because it spoiled before we could use them.
I just keep telling myself ... one way or another, it will all be over soon. We are hoping to file in August and lay everything to rest before the end of the year. I'm hoping that 2011 will find us free of debt and determined to rebuild our lives.
Thanks for listening.

[JackBondLove]

Shopping is indeed a crutch for depression. Jackie Kennedy Onassis used to go on million dollar shopping sprees on 5th Avenue (lucky for her she inherited JFK's $ and had a virtual bottomless pit of Greek Drachmas with 2nd husband Aristotle.) Yes, that's right - a million bucks of shopping in a day!

I'm sure there are lots of helpful forums online. Search for them.

I have known quite a few men whose wives seemed to go through a phase of high spending. They each had to put the foot down and cut up her credit cards. Interestingly, once the women had children, they were much more thrifty in that instead of buying the 100th pair of shoes, they would buy very practical things for the children. Perhaps it is a biological thing in that before having children, women want to spend to make themselves more sexually desirable, but after having the children, they want to devote all their spending to them.

[brendamc67]

Thanks. In retrospect, I am very lucky

My husband has been very supportive. We have no children, and sometimes I wonder if that isn't part of my (our) problem. I have a good therapist, and she and I have worked through a lot. It's just nice to be able to say it aloud to the world, so to speak. I discuss things with my husband, but no one else in our family knows about our troubles right now. Soon, they will.
Thanks for your input!

Brenda

[epiphany]

Hey Brenda, it's okay. It happens to the best of us. We are all weak in some area so don't beat yourself up.

I know how you feel. I told no one in my family when I filed for bankruptcy. They still don't know. I have told two friends and that's it.

Glad you made an appointment with an attorney...that's the first step.

Stop it with the shopping....It really makes me want to join you, but really , neither one of us need that right now so just STOP. You can do that, you know. You have the power to stop or start anything so just STOP.

Easier said than done? Yeh, well, I tried. Best of luck to you always!

ep

[Flamingo]

OCD can also cause shopping sprees. Find yourself a support group in your area - your local newspaper should have listings somewhere online as to local groups - ours publishes a huge listing weekly for any kind of support group one can imagine. Some people reach for a drink, some people reach for a drug, some people overeat, some people exercise fanitically and some people go on shopping sprees - it's all about trying to fill a void and feel good and boost the self-esteem. Then something hits and one wonders why there are 10 pairs of the same kind of shoes in their closet in different colors that have never been worn...

One poster above indicates that this has been noticed in other women where men have had to take credit cards away, etc. More men probably do this than women and hide it from their wives but the old stigma still has woman associated with overspending - all they have to do is open their garages and show you all their toys or the multiple Harleys they collect with all the bells and whistles. And they are all drowning in debt but you can find them out charging more and more.

[brendamc67]

OCD, yes....

That's one of the other issues I deal with with my therapist. I have compulsive hand-washinging and cleaning issues to deal with (thus the cleaning supply thing... I can never have enough cleaning supplies). I used to smoke, which helped to calm me down, but a tiny heart attack at age 28 and the thought of lung cancer stopped me. I haven't smoked in 14 years. I have stopped using the credit cards completely (I didn't use them at all in May, and it was tough). There's a mental thing about using a credit card. I think getting away from them will be just like when I quit smoking --- I quit cold turkey, never went back, but that doesn't mean I never thought about them.
My husband is now in charge of the finances (such as they are and will be). I have planned to stop paying on our cards this month. That's the part that really makes my stomach hurt. But I'm hoping I can just wrap my idea around the "one day at a time" thing.
I am sorry to dump out so much.... but I have a feeling I'm going to be doing it again and again through this process.

[Fresh]

Welcome!

Brenda,

I'm with the others: just hang in there and don't beat yourself up. I think it's great that you have a therapist that has helped you so much and I know you've done a ton of work,which you are continuing. Give yourself plenty of pats on the back, too

I think you are fortunate with the Saturday appointment. Honestly, just from some of the attorneys with whom I consulted, it's not unusual. Some had Saturdays available, in addition to "after traditional business hours" appointments available for both current clients and free consultations. And, yes, just under by the $4k is just that. Some people are even closer.

Read about bankruptcy attorney selection here. Feel really comfortable so that you can ask questions and get the feedback you need from whomever you select for your bankruptcy.

Welcome...

~Fresh~