So Confused

[looking4help]

I'm new to this forum and new to the whole Bankruptcy thing. We went and spoke to the lawyer today and put down the deposit to file. I still feel sick inside. We have a home and a vehicle that we do not want to lose and was told as long as I keep up with the payments, we wouldn't lose them. So far we are not delinquent in any of our debts but have no extra money to live on. With 2 small children it's tearing us apart. Most of the debt has come from medical. I was ok for the most part with the thought of taking a huge hit on our credit but then spoke with my MIL and am now feeling like a failure. Does anyone else feel like this or have any words of encouragment? I thought, if maybe I can hear or talk with someone else that has done this, maybe I'd get more confidence in our choice. Thanks so much!!

[NoMoreCards]

I have a uncle who got angry at me when I told him I filed. He wasn't on the "inside" and didn't realize the financial strain I was under. I quickly realized that it was in my best interest to keep my financial problems/situation private.

Filing BK was the best thing I did. Granted it was painful on the credit score, but I had to get out from under the mess I was in. I do not regret the decision I made, I only regret telling my uncle. :-)

I also wanted to add that my uncle got over it. I gave him no other choice, and told him when he paid my bills, he had a say in my financial decisions.

[looking4help]

Thank you for the reply. You are completely right! It should be private, we just thought that we could at least depend on our parents for support (more so emotional). He made it sound like we were going to lose our home, our vehicle etc. This is just killing me inside. Ugh! We've retained the attorney though and are moving forward with it. Thanks again NoMoreCards!!

[chriselle]

read a lot on this forum and you'll feel better. Afer you are discharged and you don't need to make that 500 minimum payment. It's unfortunate we feel like a failure in the beginning. But when our own government handed the banks we owe money in the billions, made me think I have to have my own bailout. Yes credit will be torpedoed but is something you can rebuild.

[LadyInTheRed]

Thank you for the reply. You are completely right! It should be private, we just thought that we could at least depend on our parents for support (more so emotional). He made it sound like we were going to lose our home, our vehicle etc. This is just killing me inside. Ugh! We've retained the attorney though and are moving forward with it. Thanks again NoMoreCards!!

There is a lot of misunderstanding out there about bankruptcy. My mother was very worried when I told her I plan to file. She asked why I don't just get a second job (I'm always exhausted from work as it is). When I explained how the process works and how filing BK is the only way I have a chance of keeping my house, she relaxed and understood. I was really worried about how my father and stepmother would judge me. After explaining everything to them, my stepmother (the most judgmental person I know but she's like a second mother to me), said "I think you are making the right choice." We won't be telling my inlaws because there are certain things we just don't share with them. They are set in their opinions and their minds cannot be changed, no matter what.

You are doing the right thing! Your inlaws are worried about you. Try to explain how things work. If they don't understand, just tell them that you are doing what you know is right for your and your children's future. If they persist, tell them that you have an attorney to advise you about how to deal with your debt and that what you need from them at this very difficult time is moral support. If they can't give that, tell them you prefer not to discuss the topic any further and change the subject to something funny or cute that one of your kids did.

[hamburgervol]

BK was and has been the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm no longer a prisoner of my debt, I'm free and you can be too. I thank God everyday for BK.

Everyone deserves a second chance.

Bankruptcy is purely a business decision.

As for credit scores...that's part of the trap of being a debtor. I would rather have a credit score of 200 and be happy than have a 720 and be a slave.

[Beachlover2]

Totally understand where you coming from. Do not feel like a failure, we are all going through the same thing for different reasons as to how we ended up coming here for support. Hubby and I are telling no one, as most of the people we know would think the same things, "your going to lose your house", blah blah blah. Ladyinred, you are right there are a lot of misunderstandings about filing. Actually, this website really gave me a ton of understanding of what it means to file. I have around this website for about a year now and really learned a lot. You have to think of it as a consumer bailout also. You gave out attorney the filing fee and his fee, that was the worst part so....since we could have used the money for other things, but its better to spend the money that way then to have your wages garnished, or paying creditors. As i said this a consumer bailout . You will begin to feel better about your decision to file as the days go on. I never imagined I would have ever filed, let a lone ever missing a payment of any kind, I always paid my bills, but when you have two house payments, and you become underemployed twice in two years, there is only so much to go around. Hope this helps.

[NHC]

I'm new to this forum and new to the whole Bankruptcy thing. We went and spoke to the lawyer today and put down the deposit to file. I still feel sick inside. We have a home and a vehicle that we do not want to lose and was told as long as I keep up with the payments, we wouldn't lose them. So far we are not delinquent in any of our debts but have no extra money to live on. With 2 small children it's tearing us apart. Most of the debt has come from medical. I was ok for the most part with the thought of taking a huge hit on our credit but then spoke with my MIL and am now feeling like a failure. Does anyone else feel like this or have any words of encouragment? I thought, if maybe I can hear or talk with someone else that has done this, maybe I'd get more confidence in our choice. Thanks so much!!

I felt the same way back when I filed....but I seem to remember reading some good advice on here somewhere...something about "if your friends judge you harshly because you've filed for a bk maybe those aren't your real friends".....

That being said, I have not told my family and I never will....they think that even the illusion of having money and expensive stuff is a good thing (despite the fact that they're all financed up to their eyeballs) and would look down on me because I did file...the funny part is...now I really DO have money (not a lot but enough!) and I know that they really DON'T...

[LSUTiger32]

You are just going through the same thing a lot of us already have. If you didn't have some doubt or felt some level of guilt about it then you aren't normal.

Only you know your personal financial situation and while it is very much possible that there are other ways out, you have to make the decision. We are surely here to help though! If it is a lot of medical debt, are you currently paying on it? If not, is the BK really going to help your monthly cash flow?

[LizardTail]

I didn't care what anyone thought.

I personally didn't care what anyone thought. My father was the worse though. He said it was the worst mistake I could ever make, that I would lose my house and the IRS would take everything else. He has been wrong on all accounts. Did he offer to help me out, no. Does he have a lot of money, yes. His credit score is 860. Yes, 860. I think that's the highest you can ever get.

I owe nothing to the IRS and I have a home and a car that I'm current on. But my pay was reduced from $55K a year to $50K a year, then I got laid off and I filed BK. My 341 was last week, now it's just the waiting game. Soon I'll have $47K off my back and can start over. And when the parents pass away, all of the inheritance won't go to the creditors. They just need to stay alive 161 more days though!!!!

You're doing the right thing. Just start fresh and learn deeply from the experience and teach your children the same.

[NewPage]

Welcome, and take a deep breath!!

All our parents know about my decision to file. My Dad has done it at least twice himself and is my biggest supporter. My Mom & step-Dad have also filed in the past.

My FIL....ugh. He is happy to have me take the fall as long as his son is spared anything negative. He's not the nicest person. To give you an idea -- I am pregnant with our fourth child, and it was something b/t planned and a surprise (long story). He recently told my husband that if "this" (a pregnancy) ever happens again, I can just have it "chemically flushed away" up to 9 weeks. So that's what I've got going on as far as he's concerned. My MIL doesn't say much, though I suspect she isn't always in agreement with FIL.

After awhile, for self-preservation, you have to quit caring what people think.

I am going to try and be the most non-judgmental parent/inlaw ever!!

[looking4help]

Thanks so much for all the responses. It actually did help to hear that I'm not "abnormal" having some hard feelings. After a very long discussion last night, we are still going forward with BK and know this is the best thing for us (our family). I am truly looking forward to a fresh start.