Have you had acquaintances ostracize you?

[JackBondLove]

I mentioned my BK filing in a totally unrelated forum (I am anonymous there), and was hit with a lot of bile from folks who told me that I should pay off my debt, and that I am a bum, etc. This was a dating related site, and the women there told me that I was a "loser" and that no woman would want to date a man who was not "man enough" to pay off his debts.

My friend's wife seems to think lowly of myself because I don't work (i.e., when my business is not getting clients), and I wonder what she will say when she finds out.

[AngelinaCat]

I mentioned my BK filing in a totally unrelated forum (I am anonymous there), and was hit with a lot of bile from folks who told me that I should pay off my debt, and that I am a bum, etc. This was a dating related site, and the women there told me that no woman would want to date a man who was not "man enough" to pay off his debts.

*tsk* Perhaps this experience is what is behind the coloring of your earlier thread concerning 'trying to get away with something':

http://www.bkforum.com/showthread.php?t=53740

You need to watch where you go ANYWHERE on the Internet. Through IP protocols, etc., anyone with a will and a wish to trace you, can do so. My 'Hub and I have been victims of a cyberstalker.

As to the dating site: it is my opinion that many women who post there are shopping for husband material that will take care of them and in essence, be a 'sugar daddy'. And, it is my opinion that many of the men who frequent the dating sites are lonely souls looking for a kindred spirit.

BK is a BUSINESS decision, and emotions cannot play a part in it. You are one of many who find themselves in this situation. Many millionaires (ex) including us on paper and property, have filed C7. Things are not important and cheap mates are bigger problems than bk.

Get your financial life together first. If you are looking for a good mate, do not frequent the Internet at all, nor bars. Check out your Church or join one. Find other places like the Lion's club, or clubs of your interests. A good spouse is not found fleecing fools on the Internet, or checking out the newest barflies.

Your best bet is to wait. The right person you will find unless you get impatient.

This is a bk forum and we can help you here. At times, personal opinion is what you get. Take it for what it is worth as it is free.

You have my very best wishes!!

[AngelinaCat]

My friend's wife seems to think lowly of myself because I don't work (i.e., when my business is not getting clients), and I wonder what she will say when she finds out.

It is absolutely none of your friend's wife's business as to what you, as a grown adult man, do with your time. Nor is it any of your so-called *friend's* business.

[JackBondLove]

It is absolutely none of your friend's wife's business as to what you, as a grown adult man, do with your time. Nor is it any of your so-called *friend's* business.

My friend is very supportive. Ironically, he is a small businessman who has had a lot of his customers go Chapter 7 on him, so he has been a good resource on the other side.

[AngelinaCat]

That is great that you have his support.

It could be that his wife, seeing hubby's customers file BK, is angry about it--especially if she is involved in the business and is seeing their OWN income go down...

[LSUTiger32]

I wouldn't hide it. If a woman doesn't want to date you because you had some problems in your past then you are better off because you won't be dating a hypocrite. Everyone has had problems in their past. If she were that perfect, she wouldn't be on a dating site.

[Flamingo]

I mentioned my BK filing in a totally unrelated forum (I am anonymous there), and was hit with a lot of bile from folks who told me that I should pay off my debt, and that I am a bum, etc. This was a dating related site, and the women there told me that I was a "loser" and that no woman would want to date a man who was not "man enough" to pay off his debts.

My friend's wife seems to think lowly of myself because I don't work (i.e., when my business is not getting clients), and I wonder what she will say when she finds out.

There are many unmoderated financial forums on the internet that if you even mention the word BK you will be hit by trolls who lurk there hoping to make you feel like two cents. Many of these trolls are debt collectors or people who just want to bully other people for filing because they are just plain old bullies in real life and have no where else to bully people and can't do it face to face. Stay off of those forums. I was on one prior to finding this one and it was ruled by an evil troll who eventually brought down the entire forum - that is their purpose. Life is too short to worry about what others think of you. Find a support group in your area or if you have a hobby, join a local group involved in that hobby and you will be surprised how that gets your mind off of a lot of stuff. Best of luck to you...

[fireworks]

There's definitely still a stigma associated with bankruptcy. We've been very careful about who we tell and who we don't. I'm not necessarily hiding it, but I'm not publicizing the fact either.

So far everyone we've told has been understanding - the economy tanked, our business failed, we can't pay our bills. That's the "official" reason. Looking back there are a lot of things I could and should have done differently that could avoid this, but I don't generally get into that discussion with folks unless they're in a similar situation and asking for advice.

[Dannmcg357]

These things seperate friends from people I would just as soon not be in my life. The wheat from the chaff sort of speak. Long long ago I quit giving a damn what other people thought about me. They don't feed me or pay my power bill so @#$&* 'em

[ejhamilton]

I don't think any man is less of a man if he has to file bankruptcy. Crap happens, and yes we all promised to pay back these debts, but sometimes you just get deeper and deeper and you just need help. Obviously, these friends are not real friends. My friends support my husband and I, and I do not think any less of him because of this. I am proud of him for going into this together and standing strong. Bankruptcy does not define you as a person, or as a man. Are there low lifes that abuse the system? Sure! But calling everyone a low life for filing BK is a stereotype and if people want to be that ignorant, let them! Just don't let them be in your life. People are so quick to cut down others, until they are in their shoes. People will walk all over and judge you only as long as you let them.

And you will find a woman who doesn't judge you by your bankruptcy.

[LostNFound]

I think it's typical that people judge others by what they say and do. I'm from a small town and I see it all the time and I even give my opinion when prompted.

I will admit, filing BK was something I said I would never do. I had a false sense of understanding of what BK is actually for. I just assumed that people spent too much money on credit cards or going out to eat and neglected to pay their bills. Honestly, I felt that filing BK was a personal choice you made about paying your debts or something that the rich old farmers do to get out of paying for things. ha ha!

Well, after years of standing on my soapbox, I'm one of those low life people that decided to file BK. The ironic part is that it wasn't actually my DECISION to do. I had never acknowledged that people get put into these situations due to circumstances beyond their control. Regardless if its a job loss, drop in pay, cut in hours, health issues or a business gone bad....people don't CHOOSE to be bankrupt.

I would say that the people that are forming opinions about you are ignorant about the true meaning of filing bankruptcy. When you have money, choices are much easier. When you don't, you are limited by your resources, time or talent. The world is filled with incompetent people...just look at our government. Their broke too! ha ha!

As for dating websites...yea, I wouldn't mention the BK thing. This is a personal decision and one that has taken you some time to accept. I wouldn't throw that on the table for any dating prospects because you may be kicked to the curb before they get to know you. We all have our own issues to deal with and we don't want anyone else's baggage. Get to know someone and when the time is right, you can bring it up. Just my 2 cents.

[Logan]

I guarantee a woman would rather date/marry a man who has no debt with disposable income over a guy who has to work his butt off just to pay down his debt.

That's the decision I made.

Logan

[LostNFound]

I agree. I'm just one of those that thinks certain issues (like money) shouldn't be discussed until (or when) you decide you really like someone. I've always been personal about those things. But good point Logan! I definitely want a man that has no debt (unless, of coarse, its my adoring hubby of 17yrs with about 1/4 million in debt!ha ha)