Parents found out about BK

[LSUTiger32]

Glad to hear that it seems to be calming down, but I simply would have told her that it is none of her business. I would have left it at that.

That said, this is none of my business but since you put it out there let me warn you. There is NO WAY in the world I would be borrowing $7500 from my in laws to buy a car. I understand you need a minivan, but do you need a $7500 one? I needed a car to get to work because we surrendered mine. I went out a got a $2200 car and I just drove it to Miami from New Orleans and back for the Super Bowl (WHO DAT!). You can find something decent for a lot less than that and not have to borrow from them. You do not want that strain of owing them money on top of everything else you have going on in your life. They sound like wonderful people, maybe they would give you $2500 instead of loaning you $7500 to help you guys get back on your feet. Just a suggestion, because nothing good can come from owing family members, believe me.

[fireworks]

We told some parents but not others - just to avoid having the discussion with some particular family members. Thankfully none of our family is close enough to read it in the paper.

My mother was one who we told. She was not at all judgmental, in fact was very understanding. I was clicking around PACER yesterday and figured out why - SHE filed for bankruptcy about 6 years ago. She hasn't ever mentioned that to me. I don't think HER mother knows.

If your family is causing problems, I can suggest a book called Boundaries by Cloud. It's available at most any bookstore or online. Very good advice to be found there.

[PoorGrammyinBK7]

Hey,

Of course I don't know your parents, but just wondered - could it be that they were just concerned for you and shocked when they saw your name in the paper about something they didn't know about? If anything, they may be feeling guilty for not helping you more - or for taking your money for child care. If your Dad left internet info about bankruptcy on the table - sounds like he didn't know much about bankruptcy himself. After all, you already filed, can't change that. I know my mother didn't know anything about it. We live in a different state so the newspaper wasn't a problem, but I told her. I know some people are just way overbearing - and maybe that is how your folks are. But sometimes, we take offense because of our own embarrassment. Either way, you are adults. Just tell them that was a legal option you chose and that it was best for your family under your circumstances. It was a way to get a fresh start. And tell them you didn't say anything because you didn't want to worry them, but what's done is done.

[Flamingo]

well my mom called again last night and I was very point blank about everything, when I was out of work and didn't have health insurance 4 years ago I had ot put a lot of medical expenses on credit cards (my medicine runs around $800 a month) and quite a bit of living expenses. DH and I were right out of college and hadn't found "good" jobs yet. Our interest rates on our cards jumped, minimum payments jumped, DHs apprenticeship wages got cut etc etc. She asked if we were going to lose our house, I said no, everything is fine, we're not stressed for the first time in a long time, and I changed the subject.

I drop the boys off this morning before work and my father has printed off a bunch of stuff from the internet about options instead of bankruptcy, bankruptcy facts, etc. and just left them on the table, passive aggressive, for me to find. I completely ignored it and acted like I didn't see it. I can't believe they thought we just went into this blindly. We tried to work with the creditors, even signed up for a DMP, and it left us with about $30 a month left over. We did it for 5 months and just couldn't anymore. We needed clothes for the kids, we needed a new battery for the car, we had an unexpected Dr. bill come up.

We don't borrow money (and never have except in college for school) from my parents because we don't want them constantly in our financial life.

If they try to bring it up I'm going to just say what's been suggested "we did what we had to do in our financial situation, we didn't tell anyone because its no one else's business" and leave it at that.

Your issue is that there is constant daily interaction with your parents due to the child care. Your parents are back in their roles of raising children and you are still a part of that. So therefore they feel they should have some input and control; i.e. the cord is still attached.... They feel you should have told them initially but, of course, as the child you were scared to tell them due to their reaction. I don't have to say anymore - you know what I mean and it will be that way for as long as you rely on them for child care, any financial or other support, etc. Your in-laws appear more understanding as to the help with the van but only you and your husband can handle all this because of your dependency on your parents and in-laws so you either have to draw back from the dependency or learn just to tell them everything to avoid future conflicts.