What a bunch of jerks !

[ned2010]

I posted this in collections, but thought it would fly here too..

Phone ring: "hello"
Person: "hello, is (my wifes name) there"
Me: "No, (and I glance at my clock, it's 11:20) she will be home at 11:00"
Person: (slight pause) "11:00 this morning"?
Me: "That is correct".
Person:"it's 11:22 now, she is late".
Me: "exactly"
Person: "is she normally late"?
Me: "Nope".
Person: "she is late this time".
Me: "No, she called and told me she was running behind".
Person: (slight pause) "Then she wont be home at 11:00, when will she"?
Me: "You are correct".
Person (slight pause) "Could you have her call us at xxxxxxxxxxx".
Me: "I'm her husband maybe I can help you".
Person: "I'm calling about her past due account"
Me: "oh, then you will want to talk with me on that matter".
Person: "she is the card holder I need to speak with her. Are you authorized to speak for her".
Me: "As far as you know I am".
Person: "Is there any information you can give me as to when this account will be brought up to current"?
Me: "of course".
Person: (slight pause again). "When would that be".
Me: "Yesterday".
Person: "Your account was brought up to current yesterday"?
Me: "that is correct".
Person: "I'm not showing it's current".
Me: "Are you looking at the statement now"?
Person: "yes".
Me: "and it's past due"?
Person: "yes".
Me: "Oh, I got the accounts mixed up, I'm not good with numbers, you will want to speak with my wife, she will be home at 11:00".
Person (another long pause) "Please have her call us at xxxxxxxxxxx".
Me: "was that xxxxxxxxY"?
Person: "no it's xxxxxxxxxxx".
Me: "xxxxxxyxxxx"
Person: "no, it's xxxxxxxxxxx".
Me: "oh, sorry I was hearing xxxxxxyxxxx, I'm not good with numbers you know".
Person: "Do you have the correct number now"?
Me:" yes it's xxxxxyxxxy"
Person: "Do you have an answering machine".
Me: "yes".
Person: "I will call back and leave the number on it".
Me: "But I'm here, and will answer the phone".
Person: "Don't answer and I will leave the message".
Me: "Um, okay".
Person: "good bye".
Me: "good bye".
Five mins later the phone rings...
Me: "hello".
Person: "you weren't suppose to answer, I'm leaving the number on your answering machine".
Me: "Oh, I didn't know it was you, thought maybe it was my wife she's late you know".
Person: "Yes I know. Does she have a cell phone she can be reached at"?
Me: "yes".
Person: "May I have that number"?
Me: "Sure Press 1 and hit send"
Person: "Sorry?".
Me: "Oh, I mean I press 1 on my cell phone and send and it's her number".
Person: "Do you know the actual number?".
Me: "No, just the speed dial".
Person: "Do you have your cell phone with you".
Me: "yes".
Person: "can you bring up that number"?
Me: "it's on the charger"
Person: "I will call back this evening"
Me: "we are going out this evening".
Person: "then I will leave the call back number on your machine".
Me: "You can call back now, I wont answer this time".
Person: "thank you, good bye".
Me: "your wel..." phone went dead, she hung up before I finished.
less then one min later.. Phone rings..
Me: "hello".
"click". they hung up

I really look forward to these calls. I'm a stay at home husband and need the entertainment....

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

[LimpDisc]

I posted this in collections, but thought it would fly here too..

Phone ring: "hello"
Person: "hello, is (my wifes name) there"
Me: "No, (and I glance at my clock, it's 11:20) she will be home at 11:00"
Person: (slight pause) "11:00 this morning"?
Me: "That is correct".
Person:"it's 11:22 now, she is late".
Me: "exactly"
Person: "is she normally late"?
Me: "Nope".
Person: "she is late this time".
Me: "No, she called and told me she was running behind".
Person: (slight pause) "Then she wont be home at 11:00, when will she"?
Me: "You are correct".
Person (slight pause) "Could you have her call us at xxxxxxxxxxx".
Me: "I'm her husband maybe I can help you".
Person: "I'm calling about her past due account"
Me: "oh, then you will want to talk with me on that matter".
Person: "she is the card holder I need to speak with her. Are you authorized to speak for her".
Me: "As far as you know I am".
Person: "Is there any information you can give me as to when this account will be brought up to current"?
Me: "of course".
Person: (slight pause again). "When would that be".
Me: "Yesterday".
Person: "Your account was brought up to current yesterday"?
Me: "that is correct".
Person: "I'm not showing it's current".
Me: "Are you looking at the statement now"?
Person: "yes".
Me: "and it's past due"?
Person: "yes".
Me: "Oh, I got the accounts mixed up, I'm not good with numbers, you will want to speak with my wife, she will be home at 11:00".
Person (another long pause) "Please have her call us at xxxxxxxxxxx".
Me: "was that xxxxxxxxY"?
Person: "no it's xxxxxxxxxxx".
Me: "xxxxxxyxxxx"
Person: "no, it's xxxxxxxxxxx".
Me: "oh, sorry I was hearing xxxxxxyxxxx, I'm not good with numbers you know".
Person: "Do you have the correct number now"?
Me:" yes it's xxxxxyxxxy"
Person: "Do you have an answering machine".
Me: "yes".
Person: "I will call back and leave the number on it".
Me: "But I'm here, and will answer the phone".
Person: "Don't answer and I will leave the message".
Me: "Um, okay".
Person: "good bye".
Me: "good bye".
Five mins later the phone rings...
Me: "hello".
Person: "you weren't suppose to answer, I'm leaving the number on your answering machine".
Me: "Oh, I didn't know it was you, thought maybe it was my wife she's late you know".
Person: "Yes I know. Does she have a cell phone she can be reached at"?
Me: "yes".
Person: "May I have that number"?
Me: "Sure Press 1 and hit send"
Person: "Sorry?".
Me: "Oh, I mean I press 1 on my cell phone and send and it's her number".
Person: "Do you know the actual number?".
Me: "No, just the speed dial".
Person: "Do you have your cell phone with you".
Me: "yes".
Person: "can you bring up that number"?
Me: "it's on the charger"
Person: "I will call back this evening"
Me: "we are going out this evening".
Person: "then I will leave the call back number on your machine".
Me: "You can call back now, I wont answer this time".
Person: "thank you, good bye".
Me: "your wel..." phone went dead, she hung up before I finished.
less then one min later.. Phone rings..
Me: "hello".
"click". they hung up

I really look forward to these calls. I'm a stay at home husband and need the entertainment....

Too funny!

[coolmom04]

Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[want2save]

thank you thank you, I needed that laugh today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kansas1960]

I think next time she calls you should ask her out for a date. Tell her she sounds really nice and you are looking for someone to spend some time with.

[debt86]

LOL This entire thread is so funny !! it made my day!!!

[Widdle]

I posted this in collections, but thought it would fly here too..

Phone ring: "hello"
Person: "hello, is (my wifes name) there"
Me: "No, (and I glance at my clock, it's 11:20) she will be home at 11:00"
Person: (slight pause) "11:00 this morning"?
Me: "That is correct".
Person:"it's 11:22 now, she is late".
Me: "exactly"
Person: "is she normally late"?
Me: "Nope".
Person: "she is late this time".
Me: "No, she called and told me she was running behind".
Person: (slight pause) "Then she wont be home at 11:00, when will she"?
Me: "You are correct".
Person (slight pause) "Could you have her call us at xxxxxxxxxxx".
Me: "I'm her husband maybe I can help you".
Person: "I'm calling about her past due account"
Me: "oh, then you will want to talk with me on that matter".
Person: "she is the card holder I need to speak with her. Are you authorized to speak for her".
Me: "As far as you know I am".
Person: "Is there any information you can give me as to when this account will be brought up to current"?
Me: "of course".
Person: (slight pause again). "When would that be".
Me: "Yesterday".
Person: "Your account was brought up to current yesterday"?
Me: "that is correct".
Person: "I'm not showing it's current".
Me: "Are you looking at the statement now"?
Person: "yes".
Me: "and it's past due"?
Person: "yes".
Me: "Oh, I got the accounts mixed up, I'm not good with numbers, you will want to speak with my wife, she will be home at 11:00".
Person (another long pause) "Please have her call us at xxxxxxxxxxx".
Me: "was that xxxxxxxxY"?
Person: "no it's xxxxxxxxxxx".
Me: "xxxxxxyxxxx"
Person: "no, it's xxxxxxxxxxx".
Me: "oh, sorry I was hearing xxxxxxyxxxx, I'm not good with numbers you know".
Person: "Do you have the correct number now"?
Me:" yes it's xxxxxyxxxy"
Person: "Do you have an answering machine".
Me: "yes".
Person: "I will call back and leave the number on it".
Me: "But I'm here, and will answer the phone".
Person: "Don't answer and I will leave the message".
Me: "Um, okay".
Person: "good bye".
Me: "good bye".
Five mins later the phone rings...
Me: "hello".
Person: "you weren't suppose to answer, I'm leaving the number on your answering machine".
Me: "Oh, I didn't know it was you, thought maybe it was my wife she's late you know".
Person: "Yes I know. Does she have a cell phone she can be reached at"?
Me: "yes".
Person: "May I have that number"?
Me: "Sure Press 1 and hit send"
Person: "Sorry?".
Me: "Oh, I mean I press 1 on my cell phone and send and it's her number".
Person: "Do you know the actual number?".
Me: "No, just the speed dial".
Person: "Do you have your cell phone with you".
Me: "yes".
Person: "can you bring up that number"?
Me: "it's on the charger"
Person: "I will call back this evening"
Me: "we are going out this evening".
Person: "then I will leave the call back number on your machine".
Me: "You can call back now, I wont answer this time".
Person: "thank you, good bye".
Me: "your wel..." phone went dead, she hung up before I finished.
less then one min later.. Phone rings..
Me: "hello".
"click". they hung up

I really look forward to these calls. I'm a stay at home husband and need the entertainment....

I'm printing this and giving it to my brother!!!

[toomanycards]

i just copied and pasted into email and sent to a few friends...they will get a kick out of it...thanks for the laughs.

[badkarma]

Love it too funny

[debt86]

I wonder about Barclays, Juniper and Discover in the posts here it sounds alot of predatory lending similar to Payday loans almost, the interest and payments increase actually alot of cc's. I do know when I was late on my Walmart cc they didn't charge me a late fee after I explained my situation when I had made a late payment to them on my own actually they were nice about it and they did not increase my payment nor interest. I know thats rare. All over this forum I've read alot of horror stories about barclays,juniper,discover,chase, citi seem really extreme terrible.

[frogger]

My favorite thing to do now for salesmen/collectors/whoever is tell them that I will get whoever they are calling for. Just hang on...

It's amazing how long some of them will wait for someone to come back. If they're still there after 5 minutes or so, I tell them to keep waiting. They're coming... be patient.

[ForumReader]

I read the entire thread and it certainly made me laugh! Sure needed that after having a particularly bad and stressful week this week.

[OhioFiler]

Having fun with the collectors can be a great sport! Too many people are afraid and intimidated by these morons and their tactics. The truth is we have complete control of the process if we choose to utilize the control.

[bkpain]

Thanks! I needed that! Too funny!

[lindsay2181]

LOL @ pacific blue. i love it!

What I wanna know is, was the chick's name REALLY Merchurka???????