Depressed and Crying at My Desk

[Minnymouth]

Kam,
You are in my thoughts today.......
Yes, you may have a husband but you still have all the responsibilities of being a "single mom" with kids!!!!

Too many men sit by and let their wives try to handle everything - from getting the car fixed, juggling financies,
discipling kids, chief cook and bottle washer included.

It may seem right now that "everything and everyone" is against you - no matter how you do things.

Kick your spouse in the butt and tell him its time for a second job - switch him to basic cable!!! If he wants full cable, let him work the second job...

An opinionated 18 year old daughter - pull her spending money, and vehicle..... tell her if "she wants", SHE has to get a job to have.... (has a tendency to get their attention). You can't give your children everything they want - and some privileges they have to earn..... Remind her SHE'S OF AGE, and it's no longer your reponsiblity to pay for her wants and needs......... Set her straight "real quick" - it's your home and her's as long as she "respects it" - otherwise - its time she found another place to LIVE!!

I'm not being harsh - just put her in the position that she nows her behaivor is "not acceptale" any longer. If it means she moves out - WELL - LET HER GO AND TRY IT.... there's no "free ride" anywhere and she will find out real quick how HARD YOU STRUGGLE TO SURVIVE and keep the family going...

You sound like a "strong woman" - but even some days the strong get weak and tired....... fighting life mostly alone is not an easy battle..... I know!!!

Make you a list of priorities for YOUR LIFE - then your family life and then where the kids fall into the picture....

Set your husband straight on what his RESPONSIBILITIES ARE to you and the family...

In some marriages the wife is a golddigger and spender - in some the men are lazy and and worry about nothing as long as they have "their comforts"......

It takes 2 to make a marriage work and 1 to destroy it.....

Sometimes we are better off - NOT MARRIED.....

Don't mean to stick my nose in personal family affairs or your marriage - but sounds like its TIME you considered what YOU NEED......

You should never have to go thru BK by yourself, try to support and raise a family by yourself (when you also have a spouse)....... and an 18 year old needs to learn how to pay her OWN bills, since she like to criticize so much how you do things.......

Just my opinion, (not worth a whole lot),

Minny

PS. Its time some of the burdens and guilt you are carrying is spread to other members of the family and make them responsible for their share.

[redeagle]

Kam, If I were you save a little of borow from someone you know.. I would look in the want ads and buy a used car from a private person you will get a better deal most likely anyway used car dealers are sneaks anyway they overcharge to make a profit anyway.. Some mess with the mileage odometer as well..

You may have to get tough with any ingrates in the family if you are doing your best don't let some punk kid be the boss in your household. Make her get a job and pay her way contribute to the houshold.

Don't let your situation knock you down it's just money this system of credit is a scam anyway it's a way of controlling people. Just get what you need and don't worry about the rest.. I know it's not easy.. Hang in there!

We are all having a tough time in this system..

Dave

[Kam]

Wow, I guess I should have reread my first post. I was so upset I left out a few things.

First, DH does have a second job: he officiates sports on the side. He used to do four sports but cut back to two as he got older. His "dry season" is from November until March. I took on a second job almost two years ago working in a phone survey call center. I hated it. I felt like I was lying to the public since we were conducting these surveys on the behalf of large consumer companies.

Dear daughter does have a job. She just feels that she shouldn't have to pay for anything, that she should be free to spend her money the way she sees fit. This has been an uphill battle for us trying to teach her financial responsibility (things I never learned as a teenager).

It's hard living in a college town because of the income base. Our income is roughly 50 K give or take 2K a year. It's hard to compete with the income of attorneys, professors, doctors and land-wealthy wheat and lentil farmers. I have often wished we lived in some of the older parts of Seattle where my daughters could really see what poverty was all about. It's hard to be thankful for a roof and food if you have never been homeless.

My oldest daughter has anger issues regarding me. I've tried to be practical: reuse, renew, recycle, but in her eyes that makes us "white trash" (i hate that term) because we never have "new things".

DD turns 18 in three days and I warned her that we are no longer responsible for her financially. She plans on living with us while she goes to college and I'll continue to keep her on our insurance. And, as long as she behaves, her checking account will continue to be linked to ours.

Sometimes I feel I have emasculated DH because I have taken over the duties of "running the household." I am trying to keep him in the loop more when it comes to the finances, etc.

Blah. Thanks everyone for your kind wishes and observations. I sincerely hope DD learns from our financial mistakes. The rest of us are taking it each day at a time. Youngest daughter says she doesn't want anything for Christmas, but I am not about to disappoint my youngest. At least, we will survive the Christmas season not being in debt!

LOl at your comment Minny about *my* needs. DD tells me all the time how selfish I am and that I only think about *my* needs. Thanks I really needed that chuckle. Anyway, we will survive this. We are still waiting for HSBC to come get the car and putting away a little savings so we can find a "beater". Our plan is to purchase a beater, keep it for 3-4 months, then turn around and trade it in on a newer van.

Anyway I am rambling!

Hugs to everyone and folks, last call for this pity party!

[Minnymouth]

EVERYBODY deserves at least ONE PITY PARTY a week when their in bankruptcy.....
It clears the soul and helps clear the mind.

Sounds like you have GAME PLAN - YOU GO GIRL....

Minny