My head is spinning - need advice

[alwaysbroke]

Not quite sure how to start .. so here goes:

I'm British, my husband American. Been in the states for almost 6 years but the family tug is too much and we've decided, if we can, to go back to the UK next year. I have to obtain a visa for him and part of that process is being able to show financially that I can support him and that we have funds in hand to be able to survive for a least 6 months without recourse to public funds. So, the only way we can do this is to SAVE, SAVE, SAVE ... BUT!!

I am working, I bring home 1,400 per month, of which $595 is tied up with a few credit cards, payment on my car and carecredit. The remainder is spent on clothing, food, an occasional day out on the weekend and upkeep of the house i.e repair/maintenance/diy. I dont buy clothing for myself, I make them last (a bloody long time!! like almost 6 years). I don't possess any jewellry or other expensive "personal" items. So, in essence, I spend zero on myself .. no makeup, I've had my hair done once in 2 years .. blah blah blah

My husband brings home, per month, $2,572. After debt management, mortgage and household bills, plus payment for his truck and bike/insurances/tags/gas he is left, from what I can see, with $500 per month. The basics should be covered ....And, on the face of it we shouldn't be struggling at all!! But we are ...

If we were going out every weekend, spending like drunken sailors ... having vacations ... new clothing ... etc etc maybe I could understtand the situation we are in. But we don't. There are no vacations, no designer labels, no hairdressers etc... In the six years we've been married we've only had maybe three nights out together.

My 12 year old daughter is in the UK at the moment, on visitation with her father - I have to pay for the flights per a UK Court Order. She has been there for the past 4 weeks - we haven't been anywhere since she left. We work - Monday to Friday - and all weekend we are here, in the house. I'm really getting off track here ... so bear with me please!!

An appointment has been made to see a bankruptcy lawyer Thursday ... my husband says the only way out of this mess is to file Chapter 7. But I just can't see how he (us) could do this!! Either I'm just plain bloody stupid or Im blind and I'm missing something!!

I look at the figures, I think about the way we live ... and something is not quite right here ... or am I simply missing something???

If there was a way that I could wave a magic wand and come up with something to enable us all to go to the UK - believe me I would ... but Im sitting here and worrying about htis appointment ... because on the face of it we should be OK ... I dont' want us to look like complete idiots ...

OK now I'm rambling .. I've drunk some of my husband's beer ... and now I'm all confused as ever .. I've tried to get my husband down and to look at FIGURES ... but .. just not working ... I've tried to say "But ... there's money left over!! How are you going/we going to explain that on Thursday!!" ok .. I'm braindead ... So, I need to be able to print off some sort of "budget" or whatever that we need to prsent to this lawyer on Thursday ... anyone????? please?????

[liz417]

Together you guys are bringing in $3972/month, do you have a high mortgage? I use Quicken and it's a great tool to use to see where exactly the $$ in going. What you need to do it get the checkbook, figure out the bills, break everything down and see where you $$ is going. The attorney is going to want those numbers off the top of your head, if you have no documentation (no idea where the $$ is going), you just might be pushed into a ch 13! Why is your husband not worried much? Has he filed BK before?

[liz417]

Try this calculator: http://www.ca-bankruptcy-attorneys.c...alculator.html

What State are you in? Are you under or over the median?

[LuciluS]

You and your husband Need to start keeping Receipts for Everything. Get you one of those spandex files that has slots for months. Mark the receipt who (if not printed on receipt) what was purchased and how it was purchased (cash, debit card, check #, eww credit cards (hope you & Dh have stopped using them.

If you do no have Quicken or some kind of reporting software, use Microsoft Excel and make a spreadsheet for each month. It is very important to keep a receipt for Everything! When your bank statement arrives, match the receipts to your bank statement. Start accounting for your cash withdrawals.

My dh is an over the road truck driver and it took me a month to finally convince him if we wanted a Fresh Start by filing Chapter 7, he was going to have to keep receipts. If he eats at a truck stop & leaves a tip, he marks the amount on the receipt. If he stops at a rest area & gets a soda & some chips, he makes a handwritten receipt where the rest area was located, date, time, what he purchased and amount.

I also have a separate Excel spreadsheets for our utilities & house maintenance. And I keep an Excel spreadsheet of his Gross Incomes less his taxes, insurance & net. I also keep one for medical bills and prescription as this is the largest expense we have.

He is going to be wasting his time at a Free Consultation if he goes in there empty handed. He needs to at least have some sort of total Gross Income & expenses for the month for him and also you if you are co-owner of Credit Cards. Do not include the monthly credit cards in that list as those will be erased if you file BK. Include all expenses: household items, medical/life/auto insurance. Not much time to get it put together by Thursday, but need to try.

He can go in there empty handed and start by giving your Income, etc. & possibly that Attorney will say Yep! I can get you in a Chapter 7. Dh pays him a retainer & brings home the paperwork to be completed. Takes it back & oh no, it's a Chapter 13. Just a scenario that could happen.

There needs to be more than one Attorney for a Free Consult and you both need to go if you are going to be filing jointly. Some Attornies will meet after normal business hours as both husband and wife have to work.

I can also tell you the first couple of months not using credit cards will be tough, but once you get over the hurdle, you and your hubby can make it work. But first, you've got to seriously sit down and figure out exactly where your monies are being spent.

[liz417]

My dh is an over the road truck driver and it took me a month to finally convince him if we wanted a Fresh Start by filing Chapter 7, he was going to have to keep receipts. If he eats at a truck stop & leaves a tip, he marks the amount on the receipt. If he stops at a rest area & gets a soda & some chips, he makes a handwritten receipt where the rest area was located, date, time, what he purchased and amount.

Some good advice here.
I had the same "problem" with my hubby. He thought getting/asking/waiting for the receipt (no matter how small the purchase was) was a waste of time. Now, he brings me all receipts...he still grumbles about it, especially when he gets gas and the receipt tape is out and he has to "walk alllllll the way inside" to get the receipt

[OhioFiler]

We use YNAB YouNeedABudget. It's a great budgeting tool

[alwaysbroke]

Together you guys are bringing in $3972/month, do you have a high mortgage? I use Quicken and it's a great tool to use to see where exactly the $$ in going. What you need to do it get the checkbook, figure out the bills, break everything down and see where you $$ is going. The attorney is going to want those numbers off the top of your head, if you have no documentation (no idea where the $$ is going), you just might be pushed into a ch 13! Why is your husband not worried much? Has he filed BK before?

Liz - I've tried to get him to sit down with me and go through it all - this has been a problem through our married life. He used to say he didnt want me worrying about bills etc etc/that it was his job to do that and not me. So, to a large extent, our finances have always been separate. I am not on any of his debts, except carecredit which I pay for. The mortgage is on joint names and is up to date. My credit cards have always been paid.

I sat down a few weeks ago and tried to crunch the numbers, this is where I could see that he had $500 left per month. and that was after allowing "x" amount for tags/insurances. Problem is though that when it comes to paying for tags/insurances the money isn't there anyway so ... in fact there must be more than $500 left per month.

I know he must be worried about bankruptcy but when I've tried to tell him that this lawyer is going to want to see actual figures, he tells me "Everything is in the binder ... he will crunch the numbers!"

We'll be going in totallly unprepared .. because he won't listen to me. I know exactly where my salary goes, I can account for it. But as far as my husband's - I'm lost. On that basis, even if he can file for Chapter 7, it doesn't make any sense to me to be joining him.

[alwaysbroke]

Try this calculator: http://www.ca-bankruptcy-attorneys.c...alculator.html

What State are you in? Are you under or over the median?

We're in Georgia.

[OhioFiler]

Liz - I've tried to get him to sit down with me and go through it all - this has been a problem through our married life. He used to say he didnt want me worrying about bills etc etc/that it was his job to do that and not me. So, to a large extent, our finances have always been separate. I am not on any of his debts, except carecredit which I pay for. The mortgage is on joint names and is up to date. My credit cards have always been paid.

I sat down a few weeks ago and tried to crunch the numbers, this is where I could see that he had $500 left per month. and that was after allowing "x" amount for tags/insurances. Problem is though that when it comes to paying for tags/insurances the money isn't there anyway so ... in fact there must be more than $500 left per month.

I know he must be worried about bankruptcy but when I've tried to tell him that this lawyer is going to want to see actual figures, he tells me "Everything is in the binder ... he will crunch the numbers!"

We'll be going in totallly unprepared .. because he won't listen to me. I know exactly where my salary goes, I can account for it. But as far as my husband's - I'm lost. On that basis, even if he can file for Chapter 7, it doesn't make any sense to me to be joining him.

There are plenty of expenses that escape the mind so to speak. Your attorney will advise you on what expenses you can rightly claim in your district.

[AngelinaCat]

Hi alwaysbroke: welcome to the forum.

Along with all the other good advice posted here, I think the most important thing you and DH MUST do is sit down and talk honestly and frankly about your situation. It sounds like DH is coasting along in a bubble of denial.

When my DH and I were contemplating marriage, we had to go to pre-marital counseling required by my church. There we learned that the MAJOR reason for couples breaking up is Money issues, not infidelity or things like that, but the inability to handle money and finances.

Good luck to you.

[alwaysbroke]

We'll be going in totallly unprepared .. because he won't listen to me. I know exactly where my salary goes, I can account for it. But as far as my husband's - I'm lost. On that basis, even if he can file for Chapter 7, it doesn't make any sense to me to be joining him.[/QUOTE]

He telephoned for this bankruptcy apppointment a few weeks ago. I had been saying to him for a while that I wouldn't be going down the bankruptcy route with him but when he made the appointment he gave my name too. He tells me I don't have any choice ...

[OhioFiler]

We'll be going in totallly unprepared .. because he won't listen to me. I know exactly where my salary goes, I can account for it. But as far as my husband's - I'm lost. On that basis, even if he can file for Chapter 7, it doesn't make any sense to me to be joining him.

He telephoned for this bankruptcy apppointment a few weeks ago. I had been saying to him for a while that I wouldn't be going down the bankruptcy route with him but when he made the appointment he gave my name too. He tells me I don't have any choice ...

I hate to say this but your problems are not financial. You need to grab him by the scrotum and advise him to get his act together now regarding this situation. This is too serious for him to be procrastinating and not discussing with you.

Good luck. I wish you well.

[music12]

given that you have racked your brain trying to figure out where those $500 are going and couldn't find out, and given that your dh is uncooperative, it's possible he is spending on something he doesn't want you to know about. i guess he is doing it in cash or you would have seen it in your bank or credit card statements.

maybe your meeting with the lawyer would be a good time to air it out. tell the lawyer with dh sitting there that you are missing $500 per month and you don't know where it's going, and see if the lawyer helps you put pressure on dh to cooperate.

you may end up doing the bk with a different lawyer.

and please watch the suze orman show, and/or read her books. she is amazingly insightful for people in situations just like yours.

[AngelinaCatHub]

I hate to say this but your problems are not financial. You need to grab him by the scrotum and advise him to get his act together now regarding this situation. This is too serious for him to be procrastinating and not discussing with you.

Good luck. I wish you well.

LOLOLOL. and I agree. 'Hub (but pain comes to mind)

[AngelinaCatHub]

given that you have racked your brain trying to figure out where those $500 are going and couldn't find out, and given that your dh is uncooperative, it's possible he is spending on something he doesn't want you to know about. i guess he is doing it in cash or you would have seen it in your bank or credit card statements.

maybe your meeting with the lawyer would be a good time to air it out. tell the lawyer with dh sitting there that you are missing $500 per month and you don't know where it's going, and see if the lawyer helps you put pressure on dh to cooperate.

you may end up doing the bk /[divorce] with a different lawyer.

and please watch the suze orman show, and/or read her books. she is amazingly insightful for people in situations just like yours.

I had a gut feeling and thought but would not post it.

I do not believe in a his and hers type of marriage. When Mrs. and I got married, she was 36, her first marriage, my second. She had never balanced her check book albeit brilliant in Literary Science (Master's Degree) but poor in math. We merged our accounts, insurance, and all stuff. The funny of it was this, while contemplating my navel one morning in the Library room attempting to fulfill bodily functions, she popped in. I stated "Please, I would like some privacy." Her retort was: "You have no privacy, we are married!" So, I guess I told her. 'Hub