My head is spinning - need advice

[alwaysbroke]

Thank you everyone for all your thoughts/advice. I appreciate it. Well, this evening I'm going to try and get him to sit down and go through all the figures - if he doesn't, well, I'll go with him tomorrow and will leave him to explain it. I will not file for any type of bankruptcy. However, just a couple of questions which I hope you can help with.

All furniture, every single item in this house was purchased by me in 2007 using my mother's inheritance - everything. The only item in the house that hasn't been paid for yet was something from rooms to go. I pay for that next year. I hope that I'm not going to lose any of this because of this bankruptcy issue. Is that likely to happen?? Bearing in mind that I wont be joining him. I just need a few answers on this before this appointment tomorrow and also to be able to confirm to him tonight what scenario might arise.

At that time I also paid off some of his debts thinking it would clear the way for a brighter future - I can see now that I may as well have just put a match to the dollars ...

As far as banks go, my name is on his account but I do not have access to statements etc. The banking is done online so there are no paper statements. I have my own separate bank account.

[LuciluS]

When you sit him down tonight, you need to tell him he needs to print as many months/years worth of bank statements as at least the last 2-3 months will be required to file BK. He needs to print a statement every month.

Same thing with credit card statements if they are paperless. I've learned in preparing for our bankruptcy, to quit using paperless statements as I tend to forget to print them.

If you are on his bank account, but not allowed to use/see anything, get your name off of his account. I told a lady the other day who didn't want to keep her expensive car, but her hubby did, to tell him he if he signs the paper to keep her car, he will also be signing divorce papers in 30 - 60 days.

Men (sorry guys!) seem to think they have this tad bit of control over their wives and most wives allow that to happen, until something comes up that puts them (wives) in a precarious situation. O and yes, that could be the other way too. It could be the wife having the controlling domination.

Hubby and I have one joint checking account. He tends to spend a lot more money than I do; however, he is gone 6 days a week as an over the road truck driver. He fusses at me because I don't go anywhere except to see my doctors, to the bank to deposit his weekly check as employer will not do direct deposit & to the pharmacy sometimes. I'm disabled and, in my mind, I can't justify spending the gas money just to go 'window shopping' as we don't have any money. If it wasn't for receiving a large tax refund every year, we would be in a pickle.

Before anyone jumps in and says change your deductions, I receive SSD & do not have any taxes deducted & hubby claims one dependent. Our tax refunds are large because of $500 a month in prescriptions and major medical crises after another since year 2005.

Money problems is one of the major factors in a Divorce. You need to be firm with him tonight and tell him he needs to be accounting for every penny he spends by bringing home receipts. Sure hope your State is not a Community State.

Time for some serious discussions between the two of you in the upcoming weeks/months. Will be praying your discussion tonight meets a medium agreement.

Luci

[mynextlife]

Alwaysbroke:

I really feel for your situation. The decision to go through this process is difficult for everyone to say the least. Some people are just not good with accounting for money. It doesn't mean they are a bad person or they do not care...it's is just not in their nature. My DH is the same...can't account for all of his money but when you think about $500 a month a month (4 weeks in a month = $100 per week) how fast can you go through that when you spend $20 here or there. It adds up quick and before you know it...it's gone. He does need to make sure the bills being paid is a priority and if they are not, then why and what's going on.

I think the meeting with the atty will be a good opportunity for you to sit down with your DH and explain your monthly income vs. debts. Perhaps you will learn more and your DH will be open about expenses as he will have to lay it out on the table for the atty.

The choice to keep your money is yours and yours alone. It does define whether or not you have a "marriage" or not. The number one reason for divorce is money and I would bet the majority of them had joint accounts. You are simply doing what is best for your situation and in ALL marriages we have to make compromises. Good luck to you and I wish you the best on your meeting tomorrow!

[falken]

Before anyone jumps in and says change your deductions, I receive SSD & do not have any taxes deducted & hubby claims one dependent. Our tax refunds are large because of $500 a month in prescriptions and major medical crises after another since year 2005.

You can still change his deductions, you can up the number of excemptions to make less taxes taken out of the check. The less taken from the check, the smaller the refund.

[LuciluS]

You can still change his deductions, you can up the number of excemptions to make less taxes taken out of the check. The less taken from the check, the smaller the refund.

You know you are right. I should do that for the rest of this year as I've got lots of $$ of medical bills to pay after the discharge of our BK. I have to pay them as my dh needs the doctors and the hospital. I almost lost him this past April & Insurance (as of yesterday) still hasn't paid their portion of the $22,500 hospital bill. Both of us are walking medical patients..no joke and neither of us can take a chance a doctor or hospital would deny us because of Bankruptcy.

Now, I wonder if the gal who does payroll at his trucking company will mail me a W-4 as Dh is never there during business hours. Of course, from now till Aug. 30th, it will be extra dollars, but I've got some piddly medical expenses I could pay thus reducing the Creditor Matrix. Crap we've got some EOBs from the insurance company with several different doctor's we don't know who they are as we haven't received any medical statements yet.

I know our refund for 2009 will be about $2,000 less than 2008 as I was receiving a 10 yr. payout on a Quadro & 20% was withdrawn each month for Federal taxes and that ceased in Feb. of this year. One reason we are waiting to file in 9/09 as we will be below our State Median Income.

Thanks Falken

Luci

[OhioFiler]

I had a gut feeling and thought but would not post it.

I do not believe in a his and hers type of marriage. When Mrs. and I got married, she was 36, her first marriage, my second. She had never balanced her check book albeit brilliant in Literary Science (Master's Degree) but poor in math. We merged our accounts, insurance, and all stuff. The funny of it was this, while contemplating my navel one morning in the Library room attempting to fulfill bodily functions, she popped in. I stated "Please, I would like some privacy." Her retort was: "You have no privacy, we are married!" So, I guess I told her. 'Hub

Funny how you list her age at that point in your lives but not your own age.

We kept things seperate for awhile when I was behind in child support payments and didn't want her to have to suffer if they cleaned out my checking account or wanted to attach a lien to the house. Thank goodness that mess is behind us!

[OhioFiler]

men (sorry guys!) seem to think they have this tad bit of control over their wives and most wives allow that to happen, until something comes up that puts them (wives) in a precarious situation. O and yes, that could be the other way too. It could be the wife having the controlling domination.

Luci

overgeneralization alarm sounded!!!!

:d

[LuciluS]

overgeneralization alarm sounded!!!!

:d

ROFLMAO!

As you can see, I went back to my post and added

"O and yes, that could be the other way too. It could be the wife having the controlling domination." And why did I know you would be the 1st one to catch my comment? You don't miss too much on this forum do ya? 2 2 funny

Luci

[OhioFiler]

ROFLMAO!

As you can see, I went back to my post and added

"O and yes, that could be the other way too. It could be the wife having the controlling domination." And why did I know you would be the 1st one to catch my comment? You don't miss too much on this forum do ya? 2 2 funny

Luci

Just doin' my job maam.

[alwaysbroke]

After the meeting yesterday I thought I'd update everyone ..

My husband completed paperwork when we arrived at the lawyers office. One was details of who was filing for the chapter 7 and the other giving budget details. He did not enter my name on any of the forms. The budget, when I looked, was exagerrated.

When we saw the lawyer, she did a few quick calculations, she told him he does qualify for chapter 7. A payment plan will be set up, and once balance has been received in full then the final filing will be done.

My name is on one of his debts, carecredit, which as I said previously, I've always paid and intend to keep paying. I asked her how it was going to effect my financial side of things, i.e would I suddenly find interest rates gonig up on my cards, my credit score. She told me it would have no effect. I somehow doubt this. But maybe someone could clarify.

As far as carecredit, she told me she "doubts" they would take out a judgment that would lead to them garnishing my wages, as I would still be paying it. This is one of the things that's worrynig me sick. Is this likely to happen??

I think I'm still in some sort of shock from yesterday ...

[OhioFiler]

As far as carecredit, she told me she "doubts" they would take out a judgment that would lead to them garnishing my wages, as I would still be paying it. This is one of the things that's worrynig me sick. Is this likely to happen??

I think I'm still in some sort of shock from yesterday ...

You remain responsible for the debt after your husband is bk'd. As long as you continue to pay there is no way they can "take out a judgement that leads to garnishing your wages". It is impossible.

[music12]

you mean he completed the paperwork without you? after all this time of you trying to get answers from him? and then it came out exaggerated?

it sounds like he is hiding something from you, and lying on his forms. now you pretty much know that for sure. the bk is now the least of your worries. think about whether you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who is not telling you the truth. financially, it appears that you can do better without him. emotionally, well, only you can figure it out.

i wish you the best.

[LuciluS]

After the meeting yesterday I thought I'd update everyone ..

The budget, when I looked, was exagerrated.

When we saw the lawyer, she did a few quick calculations, she told him he does qualify for chapter 7. A payment plan will be set up, and once balance has been received in full then the final filing will be done.

I think I'm still in some sort of shock from yesterday ...

Yes, any Attorney can look at a piece of paper WITHOUT documentation and say he/she,both qualify for Chapter 7. Did the Attorney give him a packet to fill out. The Attorney, by Law, is required to "justify" various income and expenses.

you mean he completed the paperwork without you? after all this time of you trying to get answers from him? and then it came out exaggerated?

it sounds like he is hiding something from you, and lying on his forms. now you pretty much know that for sure. the bk is now the least of your worries. think about whether you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who is not telling you the truth. financially, it appears that you can do better without him. emotionally, well, only you can figure it out.

i wish you the best.

I agree with Music. If I were in your shoes, I would make darn sure there are No "Co-Mingling" of funds...Income or Expenses. I would venture to say about 70-80% of bankruptcy filers who lie get caught. Make sure you do NOT sign anything, not just bankruptcy stuff, possibly other papers.

I would also set up a Savings Account at a bank neither of you bank with and try to save as much as you can. Then hightail it back to the UK by yourself!

If my Dh tried something like this, although I'm disabled, I'd pack his 'chit' & tell him to get the heck out of my life. Just me, but in the Divorce Papers I'd make him pay me some Alimony too

There is a Piece of this Puzzle missing. I sure do wish you the best of luck.

PS He probably doesn't realize this...by him filing alone, your credit will not be hurt by his bankruptcy.

[alwaysbroke]

Thank you so much for your replies. My concerns now are to just try and save as much as I can. I'm worried about the carecredit ... although in fact they put a stop on that a while back, even though I'm making payments and have never been late. As it stands I've got huge dental work cominig up .. so thats going to stop me from being able to save as much as I wanted.

One thing this lawyer told me to do was to get in touch with carecredit, explain he's going bankrupt and that I would continue with the payments -she said to do it asap.

But the thing is he wasn't given a packet, she told him she'd mail it out. This is why I just cannot understand how she can simply tell him he qualifies!!!! He's given no account numbers, no names of creditors, nothing!!

I actually asked her how she could be so sure and she simply said something on the lines of "I'm a Lawyer, this is what I do".

I have my own bank account, separate from his. I will not be signing anything.

I'm wondering now whether this is part of a plan, i.e not coming with us to the UK at all, just clearing himself of debts so that he's then free.

Stupidly, when I left the UK I walked away from debts there .. worse mistake in my life and will always regret that, I just never thought that I'd be going back. Well what's done is done .. and that's something I'll have to face when I'm back home. I just have to survive here until that time comes.

[music12]

the lawyer probably knows what she is talking about. i suppose that as far as filing a ch7, no red flags come up from what he submitted. if the lawyer changes her mind afterwards, she'll say something.

whatever $$ you do save, it might be best for you to keep it "under the mattress." that's the safest place for it if your spouse cannot be trusted. if you have a friend or relative that you can REALLY trust, have them keep the money for you. and don't tell him about it...

lots of good luck to you.