Soooo.....The wife hasn't been 100% honest with me about her past handling of important documentation. I posted last week about receiving a summons on her behalf in open 7. Um, so let's say hypothetically that she possibly received a summons in 2008. Then lets say that she ignored the paperwork and filed it with the county landfill, presumably. So if this theoretically all occured then I would probably assume that she didn't attend any mediation with her creditor. Sooo..... I'm not super happy this morning. If this series of events did occur, would it benefit me to remove my wifes name from any joint accounts in a timely manner. She's not a big fan of working, like for 11 + months, and it is soley my paycheck that sleeps in that account. If the hammer did fall and no one was there to see it, then did it really happen? I would hate to see any garnishment come upon my wages, for my wifes 8th grade level responsibilty issues. I can't wait for this to discharge, so I can afford to pay for marrage counseling.
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Didn't you file a joint BK petition with your wife? The automatic stay protects you both. Lets hypothetically say that theoretically a joint bankruptcy is a fresh start...both literally and figuratively.Originally posted by hippyguy View Post -
Don't be too hard on her. She may have just had a gut reaction to being served and most people really don't know what to do. The thought of going to court is very intimidating for most people as it is facing a certain unknown where you feel you have very little control. She was probably very embarassed and scared and was uncertain of your reaction.
At this point it is what it is, and if you both indeed did file, it really is somewhat of a moot point as any judgement will be wiped out in BK.
Just talk to her, tell her that you both can face any adversity together and react with levelheadedness and concern in a sympathetic way. That way, if any other similar issues come up, she doesn't have to be afraid of how you will react and she will most likely be more open with you. She will know she has a supportive husband that she can be confident she can discuss any issues with without being made to feel demeaned or ashamed.
In the end, it will help open up roads to communication between you and help your marriage in the long run. You are in this together, you have to take the good with the bad and in the grand scheme of things, it is not the end of the world.
You are both healthy and alive and moving forward, and that is what is important.
Just some advice from the female perspective, hope you don't find it too invasive.
DDComment
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Ding dong has some wisdom there....
I can attest to what DD said. Women can easily be scared and embarrassed and I know I, for one, cower from confrontation.
My situation was this:
In October of 2007, my self-employed husband lost his biggest contract. He was a subcontractor for a maintenance company that was outbid by another maintenance company and started using someone else. He worked for months trying to get the contract back. Three months after that, in Jan. 2008, we lost our son to stillbirth when I was 37 weeks pregnant. Needless to say we were completely devastated and still are. In March that same year, he finally managed to get that contract back, but at a MAJOR cut in price. I, being despondent and not thinking I could stand losing one more thing, began to panic. Going against everything I knew was right, I began to use credit cards to help us pay bills.
I was always thinking things will get better and we can get back on our feet and pay this off. But they never got better and I kept this all from my husband because I knew how stressed he was about losing the work and how devastated he was when we lost our son.
So, it's my fault that I am in this mess, and I will be filing without him, but I still need him on my side and the hardest thing to do was to come clean because I was so scared and embarrassed. But, knowing he's right there with me now and that we are communicating again helps me fight the fight everyday.
Hope I didn't overstep my bounds.
Sincerely yours,
DownNotOutLying awake at night...
Waiting to file...
Roughly $34,000 in credit card debt
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Wow, thanks for the responses ladies. Everyone made some great points that I wasn't expecting at all.
It's so easy to get wrapped up in the crazyness of the BK process. Everyday looking for that new Docket on Pacer or that change in status. I guess eventually the bubble has to burst. That was my morning, I'll be honest I freaked out a little. This has honestly been the most stressful year of my life. I think I am going to frame our discharge papers as a future reminder of how bad bankruptcy stinks. Never, never, never again......
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