How the hell did this happen to me.

[Iamnowbroke]

OK, here is the deal. I have been reading here FOREVER beacuse knew I was in trouble, but now I have just retained an attorney here in NY and have some questions. Here is my story...hope it is not long

Three years ago, I was (or so I thought) happily married, two cars a house a kid and living in a household making about $150 grand a year.

Due to my divorce (the bastard was sleeping with my friend), and a crappy lawyer, I found myself a single mom, no house, no allimony, no child support and only able to work three days a week. I am guessing you can figure out the rest. I lived on my cards

I have about $50,000 in CC debt. My income last year was around $25,000 (one child to support) the year before that it was litereally $5,000. I do not own the house we were in, i have a car that I owe more than is worth. I have a rent bill for $1475; car payment $497 and child care $400. Not to mention cable, phone, food...blah blah blah.

OK, my questions are this. My boyfriend (oh yes I did and he is fantastic) has been staying with me and giving me about $2000 a month to help with bills. Also, one weekend last year we went to a casino and I won about $3000. So I am afraid that they are going to say I have to much money. I also borrowed a $800 from his mom and paid her back $500 in a check back in October.

My point is, my personal debt is WAAAAAY to big for me to ever fix it, but I do have a wonderful man willing to help me out. Is the trusee going to tell me to get him to pay the credit cards? Will they deny me beacuse I went to a casino?

I took out a LOT of cash advances to pay bills and rent but the last time I did that was Oct, 07. I have not used my credit cards in about 3 months now (because they are all maxed out).

Sooooo, since I retained an attorney, I stopped paying my credit card bill (this is the first month) and I find myself with a lot of extra cash around (I now have about $2,000 in the bank but the rent is due soon and I only have $600 in paychecks comming to me).

I am not an over spender, BUT I do like to do some nice things for myself. I get my nails done about once a week, I get a good hair cut every 6-8 weeks, I use Clinique face products and try to make myself feel good somtimes by getting a pedicure.

Do I need to have bad skin and crappy hair to file? Should I NOT buy the personal products that I usually do because they are more expensive? I am so afaid that they will check my ATM/Debit card and ask why I am getting a manicure every week.

I did take my daughter to Niagara Falls last year (about $2,000 trip). But, that is all I have done that is irresponsible.

Please tell me I am worried for nothing.

Christine

[Tromploi]

Let as much time pass between the advances and filing as possible. As far as the things you do for yourself, those aren't that big of a deal BUT pay cash instead of using your debit card. IF someone were to question the TRUE need for a CH 7, one would question those things.

[Iamnowbroke]

OK - I guess I could get face cream a bit cheaper than $15 from now on. I am not going to be able to afford it now anyway.

BUT, paying cash would'nt it show on my bank staments everytime I pull out $50 or $60?

[ansky0007]

Yes, If you file they most likely will ask you for bank statements. Try to let as much time pass as you can and as the other member mentioned above use cash for your nails etc. so you do not have to show it. If you have not done so already stop using your credit cards.

You need to get a good lawyer because if your boyfriend lives with you and helps pay bills etc. it could get more complicated.

[ansky0007]

OK - I guess I could get face cream a bit cheaper than $15 from now on. I am not going to be able to afford it now anyway.

BUT, paying cash would'nt it show on my bank staments everytime I pull out $50 or $60?

You said your boyfriend gives you money to help pay your bills.. Take the cash from that money.

[imaloser]

geez - sounds like you're doing pretty good - 50 grand a year income ?

the dude who "stays" with you and pays you 2 grand a month will be included in your "household income". now, if he was a "dependent" that would be different. but he contributes - and so will his income ! that is, if you're honest.

cut out the nails/haircuts/pedicures and that will save you roughly 150 bucks a month.

cut the cable - that's another 100 bucks a month.

unload your vehicle and get a beater - that's another, upwards of 500 bucks a month in terms of cost of ownership - insurance/taxes/llicense etc.

why no child support ? something's fishy.

[Tromploi]

Ideally yes, you stop doing the frivolous stuff for now. Those of us barely getting by wouldn't dream of expensive face cream and manicures.

When you go to the grocery store and use ATM, get cash back there.

We stopped eating NY steaks and started eating more pasta. My dogs went from premium food to Costco food, we're ALL cutting back because we have to.

[Flamingo]

"How the hell did this happen to me" - you answered that yourself in your posting - you overspent and lived beyond your means. Learn from that and be thankful you have some recent blessings in your life as to your new boyfriend helping out. Learn to change your ways as to spending (I don't know anyone who gets their nails done once a week except Paris Hilton). You will get past this but in order for it not to occur again, you need to change your lifestyle. Best of luck to you!

[Trixie007]

geez - sounds like you're doing pretty good - 50 grand a year income ?

She said 25 grand last year... 5 the year before...

[Iamnowbroke]

Thanks for the advice. I like the idea of getting cash back at the grocery market.

Well the nails/pedicure is really not that expensive. I live in an area where there are 10 nail shops. I can get a manicure for $7

I also live in a valley and no cable would mean no TV. We don't get any regular reception on the television. My cell phone does not work in my house and I can only get one radio station on my alarm clock. If I cut out the cable, my 5 year old won't get any Noggin...and no noggin for her means no free time for me when we are home.

I am planning on being absolutly honest and the $2000 that my guy gives me will be included in my income. He has a lot more disposable cash then that so I am just worried they would have me use his cash for CC bills. But it is just that HIS money not mine.

With my job my gross income is about $2000 a month, include his contribution and I make $4000. The meadian amount in my area is $4750 a month so I am under (it is VERY expensive to live where I do).

The no child support is becuase I have joint custody with my X-husband. I am bound by my divorce agreement to live in the same school district has him and we share our child (two weeks each a month). Her child care costs are actually $800 a month but I am only responsible for $400.

There is nothing fishy here, I just got screwed because his family can afford a very expensive attorney and they bullied me into the agreement. I actually gave all my interest in his retirement account. That amounted to $250,000.00 that would have been mine. I won't see penny one of that money. I gave up my half of the house as well (about $70,000 in equity). I could go on and on. The crude facts are that I am a recovering alcoholic (sober for 6 years so that never played into my BK filing) and his family threated to pull all of that into the divorce and take full custody of my daughter. I was told flat out, if I don't agree to their terms, I would be lucky to get supervised visits. I gave it all up so that I could raise my daughter. My X is a real dirt bag.

I know it sounds like I am trying to mix up needs with wants but believe me, I have not used my CC in 3 months and I have really really been trying to live within my means.

I just find it very hard to survive social in an area where everybody has money and I am completely stuck here. I don't want my child to be singled out because her mother is broke. I want her to attend the birthday parties that she is invited to but it is hard when I am afraid to buy the birthday child a gift. All her friends have dance class and karate class and all of these activities...I simply can't afford to do it all BUT, I don't want her to be left out.

I cry all day long, don't eat, don't sleep, VERY depressed because I feel like a bad mother.

UGH...how will I ever get through this. I am just looking for some information that will assure me that my case will go through.

[Tromploi]

We're not judging. Really. I am where you are. Add to that I am ABOUT to go through a divorce after 20 yrs. I am 38, never been on my own. I am a mom of 2 boys I love dearly, and they have NO idea what is about to happen to their perfect little world.

Get the cash back whenever there is a chance too, add it on to other things. Less fishy that way.

We are all here for one messy reason or another. Deep breaths. We will all come out on the other side.

[Flamingo]

I just find it very hard to survive social in an area where everybody has money and I am completely stuck here. I don't want my child to be singled out because her mother is broke. I want her to attend the birthday parties that she is invited to but it is hard when I am afraid to buy the birthday child a gift. All her friends have dance class and karate class and all of these activities...I simply can't afford to do it all BUT, I don't want her to be left out.

I cry all day long, don't eat, don't sleep, VERY depressed because I feel like a bad mother.

UGH...how will I ever get through this. I am just looking for some information that will assure me that my case will go through.

You are going through a rough patch that all of us go through in various ways just prior to filing because the stress and details are unbelievable. If you are crying, not eating and not sleeping, you are suffering from depression from a life event (bankruptcy/bad financial problems). Get yourself to your family doctor and tell him you are having serious financial problems and it is affecting your daily life. A mild anti-depressant will do wonders for you now and get you through all this and to the point where you can start rebuilding. As to your daughter and parties, you can stop that for a while and you wouldn't be a bad mother at all for doing that. You can't afford that right now and your priority is providing for yourself and your daughter. Birthday parties and other events for your daughter will come later when things are better. You really do need to try to learn that social status and presents for others are not the important things right now. It is obvious you associate money with social standing/status and that can be a bad thing when you get out of this because you can easily start running up bills again if you don't try to change those habits/thoughts.

If you have a good attoroney and provided all informatoin to him/her honestly, all will go through fine although no matter what anyone says on here, it's hard for you to believe it at the moment. But in a few months you will. Get to that doctor and try to relax and not worry so much about impressing people who are probably heavily in debt themselves.

[Iamnowbroke]

Thank you Flamingo - I guess you are right. I am going to make an appointment with my MD...another $10 co-pay, but I am thankful that I still have health insurance. THAT is the only thing I actually was able to fight for and keep (Thank god).

I know I am a good mother, I dedicate my life to my daughter and in the end, the only thing she really needs from me is love. I need to be there for her and mentally, right now I am just not.

OK - I actually feel better about this now.

So....I guess the facts of BK are that if you are truly in debt with no assets the case will be OK. I have a great attorney who has a very good reputation for bakruptcy's. here in NY. So as long as he is on board I will try and feel safe.

[pookieny]

I don't understand why she would list $2000 her boyfriend gives her as income-she's not his employee. I guess she could say he contributes to her household that much to live there.

Why income though, theoretically he could bail on her tomorrow and if she listed him, she would be sol.

[TEW]

I don't understand why she would list $2000 her boyfriend gives her as income-she's not his employee. I guess she could say he contributes to her household that much to live there.

Why income though, theoretically he could bail on her tomorrow and if she listed him, she would be sol.

you report ALL sources of income