Still around. Still unfiled. Still at a loss.

[desperate&broke]

Hi all. I don't post much but read TONS (mostly here but sometimes elsewhere). I seem to always come back here because you guys give amazing/honest responses. There are so many helpful people on this forum. I do not think I have found any other forum of said kind...

First and foremost, I have to admit something to you guys that I have had to face myself just these last few weeks. I HAVE AN ADDICTION TO SHOPPING AND NEED HELP. I know this. Unfortunately, I do no have the cash nor the insurance needed to get help. I am waiting for insurance enrollment to come around through my work so I can get signed up for 2009. (long story but DH's insurance did not cover me this year w/o me knowing).

Let's go back some months so I can explain my situation and HOPEFULLY can get some assistance:

Back in 2007 (Sept) my shopping addiction along with me living above my means, and student loans caused me to FREAK OUT and I came running looking at BK as an option. I KNEW that between what I make and what DH makes, that we couldn't (and still can't) pay on my credit cards. In my head I was going to go through with it. Months went by. I stopped paying my cards (that same time in Sept) and started looking for an attorney. I found one. Talked to her. Told her I wanted to file. All was good. I paid one month then freaked out about one of the student loans which my sister is a cosigner of. No matter how I did the BK, MY FAULTS would show up in HER credit report. This sickened me to my stomach which in turn stopped me from going all the way through with the BK. So I let it be. The calls from creditors have calmed down with the exception of possibly 4 or so.

In that time frame (Sept 07. til now) I had a credit card available with a zero balance. (CAN YOU SEE WHAT'S COMING ) Again, I am back to my old ways and start shopping but mostly paying for stuff on the card. I won't deny there is quite some "shopping" tho'. Anyway, I am paying the minimums to this card because I feel GUILTY AS EVER!
HOWEVER, this is the ONLY card I am actually paying. Again, it's just the minimum (at times a few dollars more).

This brings me to today. I am STILL in the same boat as I was back in September of 2007 with the exception of having another card I can not pay.

I KNOW I DID THIS TO MYSELF BUT LIKE I SAID, I HAVE AN ADDICTION. I NEED HELP. I KNOW

If I decide to file, I intend to tell the attorney (not even sure if the attorney I paid back then would even consider me a client anymore ) but I do plan to tell the attorney EVERY SINGLE THING. I do not plan on hiding ONE THING!

(LONG WINDED I AM SORRY) but here is my question (finally ;) ) - If I decide to go through with the BK (as you can see, I am still undecided because of the whole student loan/sister cosigner scenario) can this card be something that could be considered as "reaffirmation"? I know I did wrong by using it but I am paying on it and would hope I could continue to do so....

Any advise would be appreciated on soooo many levels.

P.S.

Please keep the "bashing" to a minimum. I am sincerely asking for everyone's help. Like I said, I know I have an addiction. The worse part about it, if I do not get the medical help to rid myself of this, I will never get better. I KNOW THIS. The even sadder part? My teen is on the same path

ETA: Like I said, I am not hiding anything so if you need more info to help answer my question, please feel free to ask.

[Flamingo]

I'll bet you have a family pattern of OCD which is hereditary. That is nothing to be ashamed of and is easily controllable. When you get on insurance and get a primary care physician lined up, go immediately. You just use shopping as a way to bring pleasure into your life and to block out all the other stuff going on. When stress builds up, you go shopping, some folks light up cigarettes, some go gambling. Your realizing the problem is the best thing ever and I commend you for that. However, what you need to do is cut up all your cards (yep, it's going to be difficult) or you will never get a handle on your situation as you are already spiraling down the black hole of no return. Recontact the attorney you consulted previously and see if he will take you on (just be honest and explain what freaked you out at the time - he is there to help and believe me they have heard much worse so don't let it bother you). Or you can investigate other attorneys and have several consultations to give you a fresh perspective.

I think once you actually meet with an attorney and have everything on the table you will feel better knowing things CAN get better and under control but you do have to ensure you get to a doctor as soon as you can to get some help for yourself. Your teen also needs to be evaluated.

Best of luck to you!

[desperate&broke]

I'll bet you have a family pattern of OCD which is hereditary. That is nothing to be ashamed of and is easily controllable. When you get on insurance and get a primary care physician lined up, go immediately. You just use shopping as a way to bring pleasure into your life and to block out all the other stuff going on. When stress builds up, you go shopping, some folks light up cigarettes, some go gambling. Your realizing the problem is the best thing ever and I commend you for that. However, what you need to do is cut up all your cards (yep, it's going to be difficult) or you will never get a handle on your situation as you are already spiraling down the black hole of no return. Recontact the attorney you consulted previously and see if he will take you on (just be honest and explain what freaked you out at the time - he is there to help and believe me they have heard much worse so don't let it bother you). Or you can investigate other attorneys and have several consultations to give you a fresh perspective.

I think once you actually meet with an attorney and have everything on the table you will feel better knowing things CAN get better and under control but you do have to ensure you get to a doctor as soon as you can to get some help for yourself. Your teen also needs to be evaluated.

Best of luck to you!

I am in shock at your first sentence regarding OCD only because I do have it as does my mother. I think my shopping addiction comes from my weight issues/self esteem issues. Sad I know but I have to get a handle on it now for my sake and for the sake of my child.

As far as the BK, I just hope and pray that this won't be means to toss the entire BK out the window

THANK YOU FOR YOUR RESPONSE FLAMINGO.

ETA: I hope this "disease" (I think it is disease) is not something that will require medications to help me "fix". I HATE POPPING PILLS

[Flamingo]

Desperate...your doctor will advise you as to what needs to be done as to your own personal situation. Could be medication or a combination of medication/therapy or just therapy. Depends. But since you are having a hard time as to the shopping, you do need medical intervention cause you cannot stop it on your own. There is OCD and ADHD/ADD in my family so I am well aware of what I am talking about...help is available - but it is you who has to seek it.

[desperate&broke]

Thank you for understanding. I have never really spoken about it or put it out there for anyone to see so this is a first for me. I have to admit it feels good to say it to someone else.

What are the chances of me getting in trouble for this as far the BK goes? Would you have any thoughts on that?

As far as the attorney(s) go, like I stated in my orginal post, I plan on telling them everything!

[Flamingo]

Your situation should not cause you any trouble at all as far as the BK goes. When you consult with your attorney, do not be afraid to divulge your situation and explain you will seek help for your shopping addiction. Once you get all your ducks in a row as to your financial situation and dealing with your addiction, it will all get better from there. You've taken a MAJOR step in dealing with all of this...I admire you for that.

[JRScott]

Sorry to hear of your problems.

You might try Debtors Anonymous. It is similar to Alchoholics Anonymous

http://www.debtorsanonymous.org/

[epiphany]

Hey girlfriend, you are on the right track.

Get a grip and seek the help that you need...you don't know how courageous that actually is but it is VERY.

Flamingo has given you stellar advice but you have sought it so you really already knew the answers, you just needed to hear them..and that's okay!

We are here for you. If I were you, I would contact that first attorney to see if there is any relationship still there, can't hurt. If there isn't, then move along and talk to some more and do what you need to do.

You are doing great. I wish you the best.

ep

[ready2puke]

Hi sweetie, believe it or not we all have our own addictions. They may have different names and descriptions, but they are basically all the same and the same outcome and thats why we are here...ok? Your not alone. If we had it together we'd be partying in the Carribean, well maybe not there right now, but you know what I mean. We ALL have problems all of us...

[AngelinaCat]

Dear D&B You are not alone. I ditto what Flamingo has said. I recognize some traits of OCD in myself, but the shopping aspect never got out of control. I remember that when my Mother was so ill with Alzheimer's that when I had a little free time, I would go and shop to buy something because it would make me feel better for a little while. For me it was usually books or magazines. Then, when I had read them all, I'd think: "Now what?" and descend into the pits again.

YOU have taken a very important FIRST STEP. That is, you are realizing the problem. I hope and pray that you have told DH so that the two of you can work on it together.

‘Hub’s oldest DD has an extremely bad case, and is in denial. So far DSIL is in denial also—but I think he has one eye half-open from things he has said. And unless things improve there, we may end up with a divorce in the family, which will only make her ten thousand times worse.

In your case, you are recognizing the problem. I know you do not wish to take any type of medication—we are the same way—but it might help you to take a low dose of Amitriptyline HCL for a while. The trade name is Ellavil, and it is helping ‘Hub and I to not come screeching awake at 3:00 AM.

Should you decide to try this, do NOT let them put you on PAXIL. For one thing Paxil is extremely hard to shake when you decide to stop taking it—‘Hub had major problems—but this med, being newer, is not in Wal*Mart’s $4.00 drug program. (Other pharmacies such as CVS is honoring WM’s $4.00 policy, BTW).

You have my very best of wishes, Dear Honey. Please keep us posted with how you are doing.

AC and ACH

[Never_Again]

I am glad that you have come to terms, and are going to get the help that you need...

I think that most of us have our own issues that we have had to deal with... I know that I have. These things are very real, and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise!