Just need to get this off my chest.

[JollyGG]

The congratulations aren't for walking away from you debt.
They are for embarking on a new life/a second chance wiser and more aware.

Two years later we do still stuggle with getting things paid like they should be and keeping to our budget. But we learned alot from the process. I wish I hadn't had to file, but I know my life is better for having done so. We are able to pay every single bill every single month now. We even can put a little in savings each month. We are contributing to college savings plans for our kids. We are home with our little ones in the evening instead of working second and third jobs. We've paid off our cars and are able to make one extra mortgage payment a year.

I can now look at all the little positive things we do with our money instead of struggling to figure out how we can make it all work out.

I personally belive that filing was the honest and right thing to do. I didn't hide from my problem. I didn't keep digging my hole deaper (which would have cost my creditors more money). I admitted that I couldn't pay and I probably never would be able to. My creditors no longer have expectations of money I can't pay them.

[AngelinaCatHub]

Pride..

To overcome your pride and make this decision is a huge accomplishment in itself. To overcome my pride I picked three people I respeceted and feared they would find out and told them I was claiming bankruptcy. The worst was telling my father. A person who built his home at the age of 25 retired at 51 and has a beach house on one of the great lakes. I was ashamed and it hurt my pride. However, doing a finanacial analysis of my situation I easily realized I never would be able to retire or save for retirement with this CC debt.

Lets look at it like this, people our age need to be saving for retirment and investing. How in the world can we do that with ungodly amounts of bad debt. It's a business decision. I don't want to be working anywhere at the age of 65 unless I chose to work and want to be there. Hold your head high.. deal with the issue. Your obviously not a scammer.

[Mi Bankruptcy]

Thank You for the kind words. It just makes me sad to see a person in their golden years looking tired, mopping floors at Mcdonalds or being a greeter at Wal-Mart standing on their feet all day. If it's their choice good for them. However, I suspect for many it is not a choice. No one can invest in their future if they only make min. payments on CC or other debt. Back to the business decision to claim BK to help my family and invest in my future.

[cupcake]

Bankruptcy is NOT a four letter word. It is strictly a business decision

This is my greatest struggle. I was absolutely devastated when I determined there was no way I could fix this myself. I felt like a big fat failure in life and I feared that I would lose all respect from anyone who found out. I have a great amount of respect for my employer and fellow staff and I actually considered quitting my job so that I wouldn't have to face them once they found out. The shame I have inflicted on myself over this is almost unbearable at times. I am still mortified by the thought of certain people finding out. I work in the legal community and people will find out - there's no way around it. And, to top if off, I am also dealing with a divorce. So, you're looking at someone who will be divorced in two months and bankrupted in six. Nice.

I look at people in my office and some of my friends and I feel horrible. So many of them are struggling to make ends meet and pay their bills. I feel like it's unfair that my bills will be wiped clean while they continue to struggle month after month. Why should mine be eliminated and theirs not?

There's no doubt in my mind that I will struggle with these things for a very long time. I've always been one to beat myself up over just about anything.

[AngelinaCat]

Cupcake, please take step back, take one deep breath, and give yourself a great big *HUGG*.

Its time to stop beating yourself up. You are making a very responsible and adult decision. Some of your fellow workers and friends are still in the throes of 'denial' and may never progress from that state. You have taken the first steps into your new life.

Good luck to you!

[Minnymouth]

Most often we are our own "worst enemy" in life......

We beat-up ourselves the hardest regarding our lives. Bad decisions we make, stupid purchases, bad business deals, etc.....

But we learn from our mistakes - at last we should!!! And hopefully we don't make them again.

Bankruptcy is a "financial business decision" we make to straighten out our financial affairs so we can survive!! Sometimes its the only way!!!

I'm thankful to have the "fresh new start" in life..... a chance to do it right this time around.... a chance to be able to retire in the future....... a chance to sleep at night again without worrying myself to death over debts. A chance to stay healthy instead of working myself to death at 2 jobs. A chance to be a "family" again!!

Bankruptcy not only eliminates the debts, it eliminates all the other problems that go with it......

Would I do it again, OH YES!!! But I will try my best not to ever have too!!

Do I feel guilty? At times I have, because my itentions were to pay my debts.... (creditors)....

But NOTICE SOMETHING.... the bankruptcy laws make sure that you are protected when it comes to your basic needs, retirement, family....
Bankruptcy eliminates only the unncessary bills in your life such as credit cards, old medical bills, etc...
And yes, the Govt make sure you pay your taxes and student loans..... they protect their interest also......

So heads up, stand tall and proud, tomorrow is a brand new day in your life..... get on with the program and "GITTER DONE'!!!

Minny

[Phillymanhere]

Doublestandards,

You can see how compassionate and helpful people are on this site. The responses so far have been extremely insightful. May I offer a view slightly different:

1.) It's possible that the shame and anger and sense of failure you're feeling now is actually NOT the result of the bankruptcy. Facing bankruptcy brought out all these Ifeelings, but it seems quite likely that you had "issues" troubling you before now.

2.) It is likely that your troubles with your ex show where you can benefit from some emotional work and healing work. This is not criticism. (I married a severely troubled woman who sometimes treated me with contempt. She had no gun to my head and no father threatening me harm. I married her voluntarily and with great confidence, joy and hope. That I did so is clear evidence that I, Phillyman, had severe emotional issues.

3.) So bankruptcy may not really be the issue here. I know you're a tough guy and a bouncer, but I'm thinking you could benefit from some good counseling to help you untangle the knots of pain and hurt and disappointment that are suffocating you.

4.) It is my observation that the people here who find the most relief in bankruptcy are those who are working on the other areas of their life. They are working on relationships with husbands and wives and saving money and budgeting and getting better jobs. They are accepting that they have made mistakes; they are forgiving themselves as part of a plan to create better lives in the future.

5.) Once you begin to untangle YOUR PART in this relationship, you can develop some compassion about yourself and your choices and even a sense of humor. At that point, you may come to see bankruptcy as a practical measure that is part of your plan to rebuild your life.

6.) Remember brother: you owe money; you didn't kill anyone or assault anyone. Save the depth of shame you have for those offenses! The cc companies didn't loan you money out of love or honesty or respect. They did it because their voluminous research shows that 95 times out of 100, they will make money loaning to a person with your profile. The fact that you are now part of the defaulting 5 percent has been factored into their business strategy. They anticipated that and covered themselves for it going in!

As they say in the 12 step groups, good luck and keep coming back. There is a whole new life out there for you.