Just need to get this off my chest.

[DoubleStandards]

First off, Hello all!
I have been lurking here for about a week and just signed up today.

I have found myself in a possition that I feel BK is the best thing for me and have a mtg with a BK atty later this evening. In the begining of the year I went through a break-up of a realationship that was 7 years long. Before I met her I had maybe $1000 in debt total, now after the relationship, I am in about $30,000-$40,000 in debt.(I know, pennies compaired to some of you)

My question for you fine folks is this.
I have been reading the forums as I said for about a week and I see all the "congrats" or "yippy, my bk went through" and what not.
For myself I feel completely ashamed!!! Ashamed that I allowed another human being to use me and toss me aside when I was finally bleed dry, ashamed that I cant get my finances together and recover from the past 7 years, ashamed that I cant pay back companys that I rightfully owe money to.

I am 35yrs old, I have no money, no pride, no dignity. How does having debt vanish that you really owe ever give those things back to you?

[fltoo]

Wow, I feel compelled to tell you that you should never associate your pride and dignity with money problems.

You sound like an extremely dignified young man since you are questioning bankrupting debt that you rightfully owe. Lots of people don't and blame their bankruptcy on the credit card companies, losing their job, etc, when in fact, it is just poor money management.

Losses are part of life and you must learn to deal with them so that you can look ahead to the future. Look into BK if you think you cannot afford to pay the debt. No shame in that. Go through the healing process of the broken relationship and in time you will move on.

BTW, the yipees and congrats are from the relief people have of going through the stress of bankruptcy. Like me, most people are not proud of themselves for taking this route but sometimes we have no other options.

Take care of yourself.

[AngelinaCatHub]

First off, Hello all!
I have been lurking here for about a week and just signed up today.

I have found myself in a possition that I feel BK is the best thing for me and have a mtg with a BK atty later this evening. In the begining of the year I went through a break-up of a realationship that was 7 years long. Before I met her I had maybe $1000 in debt total, now after the relationship, I am in about $30,000-$40,000 in debt.(I know, pennies compaired to some of you)

My question for you fine folks is this.
I have been reading the forums as I said for about a week and I see all the "congrats" or "yippy, my bk went through" and what not.
For myself I feel completely ashamed!!! Ashamed that I allowed another human being to use me and toss me aside when I was finally bleed dry, ashamed that I cant get my finances together and recover from the past 7 years, ashamed that I cant pay back companys that I rightfully owe money to.

I am 35yrs old, I have no money, no pride, no dignity. How does having debt vanish that you really owe ever give those things back to you?

business decision

[DoubleStandards]

Thank you for your kind words, both of you. I am not the type to show emotions normally, but the though of going through this has had me in tears and it get worse as the time draws closer to the meeting with the lawyer, about 2.5 hours. I bounced at one of the most violent clubs in Phoenix, so I'm not what you would call a "girlly man", but this whole this has really brought me to my knees.

I hope that after my meeting with the atty tonight I will be a bit more at peace because I will have more info about what my future will hold as far as this chapter 7.

[TEW]

Double
You are not alone I have looked back and tried to figure out how at 55 I got here. I think it started almost 10 years when I left my first wife. I wanted to be away from her so bad I just handed everything over to her. We were married 23 years and had a huge house cars land even after I gave it all to her. She refused to sing for the divorce. It cost me 27 K to get that piece of paper. Then I started getting CC bills from cards I forgot I had. Turns out I left 3 cards at the house when I left. She ran them up and changed to address to my place another 16K. 3 years ago I got remarried she’s great I was just getting back on my feet I only owed about 8 K I wanted a house and I got one. My second wife had told me she had filed BK about 5 years ago go figure I didn’t do a credit check on her when I asked her to marry me. We kept getting calls I kept telling them she file BK. Well I found this forum and learned about pacre looked up her BK and to my horror I saw the words dismissed. Well the judgments started rolling in. there was no way I could pay them.
Lord knows I tried I took a second on the house put some of them on my cards I juggled until I couldn’t take it anymore.
Well enough about me. you have nothing to be ashamed about you would if you ran up debt with the intent to never pay it back. Sounds like you’d never do that.
The law gives us a way to start over. Use it…….
Keep us post on how your doing glad you posted high 5

[AngelinaCatHub]

Mr. "standards", goes to show you, you are not the only one this has happened to. Just go to your meeting, spill all, leave no leaf unturned and you will feel better on return. I am going to watch for your progress report. 'Hub

[rfassett]

I am with the others. I wish you the best of luck tonight. Count among your blessings - yes, count your blessings and if you can't think of any, try harder - this forum and these friends without faces that you have found. The folks on this forum, by and large, have your very best interest at heart. The comments and questions are sincere and caring. Bring it here and we will bat it around. You have taken the first step, so you have to take the next one and post again after your meeting. Your attorney will tell how it can be, we will tell you how it is.

Now stop beating yourself up over this. Not many on here are proud of where we fell to, but most all of us recognize that the decision had to be made in order to make sense of our lives and put the past where it belongs. Now, all of that said, I am a very strong believer in the word of God. God, yes even God, sanctions bankruptcy. There is scripture that says that all debts should be forgiven and slaves given their freedom every seven years. That's just some food for thought. Best of luck to you!

[AngelinaCat]

Mr. DS: Welcome to this wonderful forum. Good luck and good vibes are headed your way for your meeting tonight. As rfassett said, you are among friends, and I will add--an AWESOME support group!!!!

*HUGGS*

[DoubleStandards]

Thank you so much everyone. I will post after my meeting with the atty.

In response to rfassett: It also says in the bible to give unto God what is Gods and unto Ceaser what is Ceaser.

[liz417]

Hi Double,
I think you are judging yourself too harshly, we've ALL been there...trust me. What you see on this forum is a bunch of 'friends' who have been here and seen other 'friends' go through their BK. Are we happy and/or proud we are here? NO...but we've all come to the conclusion that we NEED to do this (sometimes admitting you are in too deep and BK is the ONLY option, is the hardest part). I replayed what went wrong and how I've "gotten to this point" in my head so many times it just doesn't matter anymore, I NEVER thought I would EVER file for BK (as MOST of us on here have stated)... but I'm done having the "pity-party", I'm ready to move on and take control.
Hang in there and Good Luck with your appointment, remember to interview several attorneys before selecting one.
Hang in there

[jessegirl]

Good luck double standard - We are all in this together. This is a great forum with alot of wonderful people. Don't get so down on yourself. You are doing something positive by going to the attorney and getting yourself out of this mess and in the end you will get another chance to have a great We are All in here with the same type of problem...Welcome.

[rfassett]

Thank you so much everyone. I will post after my meeting with the atty.

In response to rfassett: It also says in the bible to give unto God what is Gods and unto Ceaser what is Ceaser.

DS, that verse was challenging the listener to recognize that it ALL belonged to God and none to Caeser. And that had to do with taxes, and nothing to do with debt. I will grant that there are several scriptures warning against getting into debt to begin with. But God, in His infinite wisdom, recognized that man would fall and fail and thus devised an out. Anyway, as has been proved on this forum a couple of times, this is neither the time nor the place for this debate so I will leave it at that. (By the way, I really don't agree with that, anyplace and anytime is the right time for those kinds of debates , but I do not set the rules here and respect and thank the Mods for all that they do!)

[keepmine]

I think many just way overthink this.
Bk is a business decision. We all act in a manner that we perceive to be in our best interest. Nothing wrong with that.

[Mi Bankruptcy]

DS. I could't agree more with some of the people that have commented, this is a business decision. I am also 35 and married with 3 kids. I was married about 7 years ago and we both entered our relationship without any debt other than the house I purchase prior to our marriage. My wife had never had a credit card prior to us being together. She didn't believe in them. Unfortunately, we accumumlated over 25k in credit card debt.

I always wondered how in the world someone would allow themselves to accumalte that much in CC debt. Although a majority of CC debt is in my wifes name she was the person that helped keep the household running. I knew she used credit cards to pay for things such as new tires, furnace, transmissions, school books for college, business suits for work ect.

I think you have the right idea.

Pride..

To overcome your pride and make this decision is a huge accomplishment in itself. To overcome my pride I picked three people I respeceted and feared they would find out and told them I was claiming bankruptcy. The worst was telling my father. A person who built his home at the age of 25 retired at 51 and has a beach house on one of the great lakes. I was ashamed and it hurt my pride. However, doing a finanacial analysis of my situation I easily realized I never would be able to retire or save for retirement with this CC debt.

Lets look at it like this, people our age need to be saving for retirment and investing. How in the world can we do that with ungodly amounts of bad debt. It's a business decision. I don't want to be working anywhere at the age of 65 unless I chose to work and want to be there. Hold your head high.. deal with the issue. Your obviously not a scammer.

[downwardspiral]

You are in the beginning stage as I see it. When we realized we were in trouble and that bankruptcy was what we needed to do I was devasted. I was ashamed, I felt like a loser. You slowly come to terms with it and accept it, but mostly you realize there is no shame in it. When I came here I realized I wasn't alone. As I came forward to friends and family I also realized I wasn't alone.
Then starts the process of finding an attorney and you realize that filing for bankruptcy isn't as easy as you thought. You start to worry about what could go wrong. During that you are receiving calls from creditors, and your stress level is high.

So when you are finally discharged and its all over, you will feel happiness and relief. You will want to celebrate because the hell you've been going through is over and you can now start over.