Ever feel guilty?

[Flamingo]

We were discharged yesterday () and thats wonderful. It really is. We had a very, very simple case, no asset or objections. The hardest part of the whole thing was filling out the forms. Our credit has remained surprisingly good and we were approved today for a car loan up to $45000 at 8.75% (obviously, not using even half of it...).

We are easily making it now, and my DH is just beside himself with joy.

I feel awful. I feel guilty, like this should have been so much harder or that we should have been "punished" more. I wish I could say that the need for BK wasnt our fault, but it was. We were stupid and lived like Kings when we couldnt afford it. And now, its all gone. All that overindulgence has been sucked up by the creditors. And for some creditors I dont care. But some I feel terrible about, like my little home town credit union etc. I know we did the right thing, and that we had no other choice, but I still feel like I SHOULDNT be able to enjoy myself because of filing bankruptcy.

Is this making sense to anyone else? Its weird, and its driving my husband crazy that I am not brimming with excitement like he is.

There are good and bad things to filing BK. First, it gives you a fresh start to get you out of the black hole you eventually find yourself in when there is really no way out; however, it remains on your credit for 10 years (Chapter 7) and still can prevent you from a lot of things during that time. You must know that just cause you qualified for a car loan right out of filing means that the creditor knows of your BK but also knows that you have no debt so you qualified and they are basing it on the fact that you have the money and are free and clear after discharge. But that BK on your record may not allow you to be approved for other credit in the years to come and if you change jobs, can be viewed negatively. Also, it is public record and never goes away. If you are ever asked the question on an employment or other financial form - "Have you EVER filed for bankruptcy," you will have to answer yes. But don't ever feel bad for allowing yourself to utilize a law that was made to help people out - view it as a one time thing that you will not allow to happen again. Learn from it as we and others have on here.

[Debster222]

I know exactly what you're talking about. I think most of us feel a little guilty, unless the debt was due to something beyond our control. We did the same thing and spent like fools when we were raking in the big bucks from our business. Problem is, we handled the money poorly and didn't plan for a rainy day. So, I can totally relate to this, but don't beat yourself up. It's in the past now and you can start fresh and hopefully not make the same mistakes.

[Cali]

Congrats on the discharge!!

I have never felt guilty, because it wasn't my fault that I ended up filing. My company wanted me to relocate overseas, and with my hubby being military stationed here w/ two teenagers that wasn't going to happen.

It is hard to go from nice 6 figure income to a lower end 6 figure income with the same bills.

[hnhlvr]

I don't feel guilty. Dh and I had planned to pay off our debt until he lost his job.

We paid our high mortgage w/balance transfer checks for a few months and used the CCs thinking he'd get another excellent paying job that would aid us in paying off our debt. That didn't happen so here we our with loads of debt and lower paying job that means our debts would never get paid off (or possibly they would in 30 years!).

The only aspect I regret (yet still do not feel guilty about) is that due to my over usage of credit cards, I ended charging the wrong stuff on my cards. Way back before we knew we were going to file, I wish I had charged a trip to France rather than just hitting the mall for more clothes than I can ever wear.

[PoorGrammyinBK7]

I don't feel guilty for filing BK. We fully planned and diligently worked on getting all our debts PAID, to our own detrement sometimes (I DO feel a little guilty about that part). We were ambushed by a Credit card suddenly and without cause, doubling our interest rate, and when my husband called to try and get it back to normal, he was told they would do it "across the board" and they didn't have to have a reason - they just did it "because we can".

So we decided to consolidate our cc debt by using our HELOC which had been paid off (now I DO feel guilty for being STUPID enough to do THAT).

A month or so later, we were hit by a predator who got a judgment which we had totally thought we would win, because his lawsuit was based in part on fraudulent claims. It was a totally unfair situation that unfortunately I can't explain here. Anyway, that pushed us off the BK cliff - because he started threatening and harassing us to no end. So just for our health and sanity more than anything else, we caved in and filed. Not what we planned. Not what we expected. Not what we wanted. But no, I do not feel guilty for trying to keep our sanity, health and possibly, our little home. Just guilty for doing some not-too-wise things (all in an effort to pay all our debts and "do the right thing").

[Debster222]

I don't feel guilty for filing BK. We fully planned and diligently worked on getting all our debts PAID, to our own detrement sometimes (I DO feel a little guilty about that part). We were ambushed by a Credit card suddenly and without cause, doubling our interest rate, and when my husband called to try and get it back to normal, he was told they would do it "across the board" and they didn't have to have a reason - they just did it "because we can".

So we decided to consolidate our cc debt by using our HELOC which had been paid off (now I DO feel guilty for being STUPID enough to do THAT).

A month or so later, we were hit by a predator who got a judgment which we had totally thought we would win, because his lawsuit was based in part on fraudulent claims. It was a totally unfair situation that unfortunately I can't explain here. Anyway, that pushed us off the BK cliff - because he started threatening and harassing us to no end. So just for our health and sanity more than anything else, we caved in and filed. Not what we planned. Not what we expected. Not what we wanted. But no, I do not feel guilty for trying to keep our sanity, health and possibly, our little home. Just guilty for doing some not-too-wise things (all in an effort to pay all our debts and "do the right thing").

You are right about that! I had CC companies push up our interest rates to as high as 32% and when I called them, they basically told me to go jump in a lake. I told them if they didn't lower it I wasn't going to pay them another dime and never did either. They cut their own throats in a lot of ways.

I was just talking about the charges we did that, in retrospect, were dumb on our part.

[MNBK7guy]

If you do feel guilty about filing BK on a certain creditor, ie your local credit union, department store etc., you can still pay them back. There is no law against that. If that would make your conscience feel better, then save up what you owed them or even a small portion and give it to them. I'm sure they would appreciate the gesture.

[hnhlvr]

If you do feel guilty about filing BK on a certain creditor, ie your local credit union, department store etc., you can still pay them back. There is no law against that. If that would make your conscience feel better, then save up what you owed them or even a small portion and give it to them. I'm sure they would appreciate the gesture.

Okay, so you are a secret undercover agent for one of the banks???

It's a joke that a person would pay back a bank after being entirely screwed over. Once an interest rate jumps to 28.9%, there is no way an average person can pay back their debt. Often that interest rate jump is on a card in which a person paid on time and never went over the limit. An article in the paper the other day said that credit card companies call those customers WHO PAY THEIR BILL OFF EVERY MONTH, "deadbeats."

How facinating is that? They look at those who pay off what they charge as loosers! They only love the "revolvers" who never pay off a cent of the original loan. People who can be bleed dry of every hard-earned dollar.

Why should anyone feel obligated to pay banks back out of guilt? Would any bank REALLY appreciate the gesture? Possibly send a thank you card?

[justplaintired]

Okay, so you are a secret undercover agent for one of the banks???

It's a joke that a person would pay back a bank after being entirely screwed over. Once an interest rate jumps to 28.9%, there is no way an average person can pay back their debt. Often that interest rate jump is on a card in which a person paid on time and never went over the limit. An article in the paper the other day said that credit card companies call those customers WHO PAY THEIR BILL OFF EVERY MONTH, "deadbeats."

How facinating is that? They look at those who pay off what they charge as loosers! They only love the "revolvers" who never pay off a cent of the original loan. People who can be bleed dry of every hard-earned dollar.

Why should anyone feel obligated to pay banks back out of guilt? Would any bank REALLY appreciate the gesture? Possibly send a thank you card?

I had to reply, I couldn't have said it better myself! That is exactly what put us here!!!! I firmly hope and pray someday cc companies will get what they have coming! I recently read on here that cc companies are to blame for alot of the foreclosures, people paying cc and letting the mortgage payment run late. 70% of consumers would rather be late on their mortgage then a cc?!?!?!? Amazing! and horrifying to me!

[MajorMike]

Are you kidding? These bloodsucking credit card companies are making a fortune off people like us! I'm glad to be sticking it to them a little ( even though I'm paying a percentage back )....they don't give a rat's AZZ about us!!!

[shabam]

We were discharged yesterday () and thats wonderful. It really is. We had a very, very simple case, no asset or objections. The hardest part of the whole thing was filling out the forms. Our credit has remained surprisingly good and we were approved today for a car loan up to $45000 at 8.75% (obviously, not using even half of it...).

We are easily making it now, and my DH is just beside himself with joy.

I feel awful. I feel guilty, like this should have been so much harder or that we should have been "punished" more. I wish I could say that the need for BK wasnt our fault, but it was. We were stupid and lived like Kings when we couldnt afford it. And now, its all gone. All that overindulgence has been sucked up by the creditors. And for some creditors I dont care. But some I feel terrible about, like my little home town credit union etc. I know we did the right thing, and that we had no other choice, but I still feel like I SHOULDNT be able to enjoy myself because of filing bankruptcy.

Is this making sense to anyone else? Its weird, and its driving my husband crazy that I am not brimming with excitement like he is.

Congratulations on the double good news..

Quick question. Was the car finance pre-approved or was it approved at the dealership? The reason I ask is because I have been seeing a few cases where the dealer says some is approved only to turn around a few days or weeks later and demand more money or a new contract at a higher rate.

I understand where you are coming from. Some of the creditors are really nice. Others are ruthless.

We should start a bastard creditor list.

[No Gravy]

Is this making sense to anyone else? Its weird, and its driving my husband crazy that I am not brimming with excitement like he is.

You're making perfect sense to me. I have similar feelings, and I haven't yet filed! I feel guilty for not living up to my obligations to certain (but not all) creditors, and I feel like I'm a failure to my family.

[No Gravy]

Once an interest rate jumps to 28.9%, there is no way an average person can pay back their debt.

I feel like writing that on a picket sign and picketing a few creditors' businesses...

[Debster222]

We should start a bastard creditor list.

You can start with Bank of America!

[b_girl]

You're making perfect sense to me. I have similar feelings, and I haven't yet filed! I feel guilty for not living up to my obligations to certain (but not all) creditors, and I feel like I'm a failure to my family.

In our society, I think it's normal to feel like a failure...but don't. To recognize that something isn't working (i.e., your finances) and to take steps to rebuild/reorganize is both smart and necessary for your and your family's survival. Your welfare is more important than any lendor's. Remember, they have a lot more resources than you do. If you can recognize some mistakes you made in the past which led to bankruptcy, then learn from them and go on. Don't judge yourself harshly...there are enough people out there who will do that for you.