My boyfriend's stuff

[bal_ny]

My boyfriend and I have cohabited for 17 years. New York is not a common law state, so we are not considered man and wife in any way. We share a checking and savings account and all of our bills are paid out of that.

Do I have to worry about the trustee questioning payments he's making on his stuff? If I'm questioned about entries on our bank statement, I can easily provide proof that the payments went to his accounts and not to anything in my name but I'm suddenly getting very nervous about this (knots in my stomach, jumpy and shaking nervous). Is it a valid concern?

It seems like each week, I find something new to panic over. I'm starting to wonder if I have an anxiety disorder. If I end this process unhospitalized and unmedicated, it'll be a darn miracle.

[gophermn]

So who is filing the bankruptcy?
If you are upfront-honest-truthful you will be fine and it should relieve the stress. The stress will get to you so start finding things to do now to remove some of it.

[bal_ny]

I'm the one filing; he's not.
And you're right. I really have to find a way to de-stress. Thanks.

[CATCHMEIFYOUCAN]

If I were you, I know that I would separate my account from my sig-other, I would open my own account. Thats just me. Before I filed I took my girlfriend off all my accounts so the Trustee never knew she was on there to begin with. I'm a worry wort and I didn't want to give the Trustee or the creditors any reason to drag her into my affairs during my BK for any reasons.

Best of Luck, Catchmeifyoucan

[JRScott]

I would recommend starting your own account as well, and having the money deposited separately. Although a hassle it ensures that it is clearly defined who's is who's to the trustee.

[bal_ny]

I'm assuming I'd then have to wait a few months to file, correct? If I open a new account in my name tomorrow and file this week as planned, my previous 3 months' bank statements are still going to be from the joint account.

[FreshLikeADaisy]

Bal, it actually shouldn't matter that much if you have independent proof of where your money comes from, paystubs and the like. Yes, it would help if your accounts had already been separate, but since that's not the case there's really not a whole lot you can do about it.

As you pointed out, you could wait, but then what if the trustee wants a year's worth of bank statements? Mine did. So in the end, the important thing is to be able to prove what portion of the money is yours and where it came from.

The other thing to keep in mind is that, while your bf's income need not be declared as a part of your bk, you *will* need to include the amount he contributes toward your household expenses as part of your income in your filing -- if memory serves me correctly, the means test and possibly in the schedules as well. You're actually getting a break in a way; if you were married you'd have to disclose his entire income, but since you're not, only the income he contributes to the household expenses applies. However, because your bank accts are commingled, expect the trustee to pay close attention to this.

I'm not saying this to make you apprehensive; answer everything as fully and honestly as you can and you should be fine. I'm saying it so that you don't get blindsided by the trustee's interest in your bf's income and exactly how much of it you benefit by. Trustees have to deal with case after case where someone tries to hide income or assets under a spouse's or other person's name, so don't be surprised or feel singled out. Expect the heightened interest, and be prepared to provide documentation of who pays what in the household, so that it is a non-issue.

That said, there's probably no point in waiting to file. Maybe someone who has actually filed recently in NY can tell you more about what they experienced along these lines, but that's my thought on it, anyway. And be sure to talk it over with the atty if you have one. Good luck!!!

[MajorMike]

wow, and I dated my wife for 4 years and she was hounding me for a ring...I can't imagine 17. She would of kicked me to the curb!!!

[bal_ny]

The other thing to keep in mind is that, while your bf's income need not be declared as a part of your bk, you *will* need to include the amount he contributes toward your household expenses as part of your income in your filing -- if memory serves me correctly, the means test and possibly in the schedules as well. You're actually getting a break in a way; if you were married you'd have to disclose his entire income, but since you're not, only the income he contributes to the household expenses applies. However, because your bank accts are commingled, expect the trustee to pay close attention to this.

Thanks for the heads up!

When I filled out the paperwork for my lawyer, I put a note next to each expense that we split... things like the utilities and our son's after-school care. That should make it pretty easy to figure out how much of his income counts toward the means test. Our son is considered my dependent on my taxes (I file as HOH), so even with that added income, I should still be well below NY's limit for a family of two.

I'm meeting with the lawyer tomorrow to make my final payment so I'll confirm all of this with him. If all goes well, I should be filed by the end of the week!

[JRScott]

Good Luck