Filed C7 today and will hit local paper

[LAKERHIGH]

My local newspaper online lists every BK there is for every day of the week. Also, every Monday they come out with a list with your full name and street address for the prior week. Nothing I can do. I will keep checking in hopes that my name was left off, but I do not think it will be. Oh well, just part of the process. Everything will go well, time will take care of the rest. Take care all

[Teddy]

Yeah, mine hit the paper too. I don't like it, but what could I do?

But, it was in there along with probably 50 other names!! So, the chances of most people seeing it were slim. My friend (who knew I filed) saw it and told me.

[Phillymanhere]

Lakerhigh,
I feel for you man. That is the public nature of this process.
But here's the deal: we who are facing bk need to stop worrying about what others think. Now I'm talking to myself here as much as to anyone else.

Part of what got me so messed up in the first place was shame about not telling people I couldn't afford something, shame about admitting to myself I can't afford something ... Buying items or spending on items when I really didn't have the money for it (in order to keep up an image, sometimes to myself).

Trying to look good in front of others is part of what got me in this predicament.

So having to publicly face that we have filed bk can be part of the honesty required to get our act together. That's the way I'm looking at it .....So if you can--I know it's hard--see if you can shift your thinking to focus on how strong and honest you are to file for bk. Because it is a strong and honest step.

Friends you lose because of filing were not friends you really needed to have ... Again, I'm talking to myself here as much as to anyone else ... But the way I'm looking at it ... I need to be honest .... and if I have friendships and relationships and status in the community that are based on putting on a good face, then that is not being honest ... And the dishonesty diminishes the beauty of the relationships.


When your name appears, just remind yourself that your good friends won't care about this. They'll love you. Your family (with some exceptions at times) will still love you. And you are coming clean!

And when you get your financial act together in a few years, you can, if you want, take out an ad in the paper noting how much savings you have, how well funded your 401K is, how many properties you own and how wonderful your life is! ....
Good luck. We love you here! ... Hang in!

[lrprn]

Phillymanhere, this is the best explanation about how to personally deal with the public nature of bankruptcy I've seen posted here. A big high five on figuring this out for yourself and another high five for sharing it with everyone - thank you!

[LAKERHIGH]

Thanks for the great input.

[sunshine mary]

Phillymanhere that was really great !! I like the way you put things.

My name was in last Sundays paper (with about 50 others too LOL) and strangely I didn't feel as bad as I had expected...I worried so much about what the people I work with or family members, friends would say to me and actually it was a sort of relief that it was over (well the public part of it) No one I work with mentioned it or have treated me any different than they did on Friday...none of my family members mentioned it either.. I know it doesn't change who I really am...I had no choice but to file and I feel so much relief that my life is going to go on positively and be so much better than it has been for the last 2 years. I was in the pits of hell silently dying inside from all the pressure and stress so if it took a little embarrassment for me to get my life back then so be it !!! I only wish I had done this long ago.

[FreshLikeADaisy]

I need to be honest .... and if I have friendships and relationships and status in the community that are based on putting on a good face, then that is not being honest ... And the dishonesty diminishes the beauty of the relationships.

Beautifully well put. A bankruptcy doesn't have to be just a *financial* fresh start.

Apparently only lawyers read the local rag that publishes the full bk listing where I live, so I didn't have to go through that, but to be honest I'm not sure it would have mattered. Compared with the many embarrassments and indignities that I endured before bk, that would have been very minor.

To me, if someone finds out and brings it up, that's on them. I am not willing to bear the insecurities of others; I have enough of my own. I generally don't crow about the misfortunes of others and I think it is ugly indeed: if someone brings my bk up to me in anything approaching a snide manner, I feel for them, because they're fixing to get the sharp side of my tongue. I save it up for moments just like this. Daisy don't play that.

For instance, I am overweight, and the last time someone brought up my weight in a snide one-upsmanship kind of way, I calmly asked, "Are you mentioning my weight because you think I don't know about it, or because you think it makes you a better person?" And I looked that person in the eyes and waited for an answer, because it is a very legitimate question and I felt I deserved one. If I had had to follow it up with other similar questions, I would have, but needless to say it ended that line of discussion very quickly. This person has since shown me a much higher level of courtesy. I can't see dealing with bk any differently.

I am not, under any circumstances, prepared to let others put their shame on me, directly or indirectly. I live by my conscience, I deal honestly, and I've done what I had to do regardless of the (apparent, but not real) shame in order to keep my conscience intact. If someone else has a problem with my bk, that's *their* fear, *their* shame, *their* insecurity... not mine. If someone, as a way of life, has to concentrate on what they see as the failings of others, it's actually very sad for them. Not for me.

As much as this public notice stings, Lakerhigh, I hope you come to regard your bk in the same light. Best wishes to you!

[One Half Full]

I sort of wish they would also print my Employer's name, with a warning not to work there if you mean to make any money. (Oops! they ARE the newspaper).

[Runnin on empty]

Well put Philly! I think quite a few of us here can (or should) admit that not being able to admit some things is what kinda put us here in the first place. Everyone has there reasons, and each case is unique.

Our local paper only prints the BKs for people who own businesses. I'm not going to be in the habit of going around letting the world know, but if it comes up in any way, shape, or form, I'm not going to dodge it.

As far as I'm concerned, filing BK was one of the best things we've done for ourselves in a long time. I regained my health (working 2 full-time jobs plus all the stress), I'm getting to spend quality time with the family, and we've come up with a new appreciation for the truly important things in life, and are foregoing the frivolous things we've blown so much money on over the years.

I only wish we would have been smart enough to realize it sooner, before we did the 2nd mortgage that we have no choice but to be stuck with.

[gophermn]

Don't fret on having the names published in the paper. Look at it this way - you are debt free, starting a new beginning and I am sure your debt to income ratio is FAR BETTER than those reading the paper. Places like American Airlines, KMart and DOnald Trump all filed bankruptcy and do you thing they worry?
Keep the head up because you are much better now.