Support Needed Desperately!

[tallberry]

We filed C7 yesterday, I was feeling somewhat relieved until I went on pacer. The paralegal said that in Tampa there are 12 trustees, of the 12, 2 are women. She said to hope for the men because they tend to be more laid back and the women are really tough! Well....you guessed it, I went on there and sure enough, we have a female trustee. It seems like that has been our luck so far. We have been upfront and honest on everything that we have done, is that enough to sail through. Or do we need to prepare for the fight of our lives??? All of youTampa, FL filers please fill me in! I was feeling pretty good until now...

[HHM]

I wouldn't worry about it too much...but I concur with the assessment. The one woman trustee in our area is considered more difficult to work with (not sure why).

Trustee's are still bound by the BK law. There really is only a narrow range in which a trustee can operate; in reality, your BK case will end-up how it ends-up regardless of which trustee you get.

[ejny65]

We have been upfront and honest on everything that we have done, is that enough to sail through. Or do we need to prepare for the fight of our lives???

you should be ok, I guess this is true about woman trustee. My to-be attorney is a woman and a trustee, she is very good but asked me for EVERYTHING, and looked at them, it felt as she is my case's trustee not MY attorney, so i know she is tough. But like you I am 100% upfront, so TALL... don't worry.

[tallberry]

Thanks HHM and ej, (especially for such fast responses, I was having heart palpatations) being a female myself, my first thought was...could she possibly be more detail oriented than me because I am obsessive! But she is the one with the law background, not me. My only concern is that we spent so much of our tax return (all necessities) in a matter of a week, she will be p***** off about that. I asked this on another thread but can they dismiss us if she doesn't like what we spent our refund on? Or just make us pay her back?

[tallberry]

sorry I asked that last above question on two threads...forgive me!

[DivorceRuinedMe]

Okay - I'm from the middle district of Florida too and I'm sorry to say that both women trustees are NOT good to deal with. The one I got took my engagement ring and is now considering giving it back to me b/c it's not worth half of what she thought it would be worth. She was cold and just not pleasant at all during the 341. Never cracked a smile once even when the attorney made a joke about something.

The OTHER woman trustee in the area (and this is directly from my attorney) is going to be challenging the stimulus rebate checks as being part of the bankruptcy estate. She is basing it on the laws regarding inheritances. My attorney was like - be glad you didn't get THAT trustee b/c then your rebate would for sure be in question.

PM me if you want to know which one I had. Mine is from Sarasota if that helps you any.

And I'm sorry that you got stuck with one of the women. Just hang in there and whatever will be, will be now. It's out of your hands.

[tallberry]

Well, Divorced, mine is from St. Petersburg so it sounds like I have the other one. I am not entitled to the stimulus rebate check because we lived in IN last year and made more money. You are right...it is what it is...I can't change it by worrying about it (but I still will). Are you getting your ring back?

[SUB]

Trustee's are still bound by the BK law. There really is only a narrow range in which a trustee can operate;....

hhhmmmmmm...........

[DivorceRuinedMe]

Well, Divorced, mine is from St. Petersburg so it sounds like I have the other one. I am not entitled to the stimulus rebate check because we lived in IN last year and made more money. You are right...it is what it is...I can't change it by worrying about it (but I still will). Are you getting your ring back?

My attorney thinks I will because my tax return is only $400 or so. She doesn't think that she will pursue me as an ASSET case anymore for a measly $200 tax return (half of it is my husbands b/c we filed jointly) and a ring that she may not even be able to get $600 for. So.....I have to mail her the tax return paperwork and wait something like 2 weeks for her to make up her mind. It will be a LONG two weeks! I'm just gonna have to keep busy!

The light at the end of the tunnel is near - really near!!!!

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[FreshLikeADaisy]

Tallberry, I don't know if this helps any, but being a woman in a predominantly male field for the last decade and a half has definitely made me more assertive. Though certainly not humorless; I think that chyk brought that in herself.

That said, I don't think you should worry overmuch: you have the same rights as any other filer. Meaning that she can't just overturn your Ch7 on the basis of estrogen. She has to have a reason. And as crappy an experience as DivorceRuinedMe has had, long and drawn out, she's going to get her Ch7 and probably her ring/tax return to boot.

The fact of the matter is that culturally, it's harder for people to take a stern man than it is to take a stern woman. And the women may actually have something to prove to their male peers, which means whatever they do, they do as if on crack. If they feel like effectiveness is the bar they have to jump, they'll be ten times as effective. If they feel that thoroughness is the bar they have to jump, they'll be ten times more thorough. It's a bad mix as far as making people comfortable and easing their fears, but from her point of view she's not there for that, so don't expect it.

You were thorough and honest in your filing, you have a lot of supporting documentation, you have educated yourself about bk and are actually very mentally prepared to meet whatever comes with *facts*. What's killing you now are the wake-up-in-a-cold-sweat fears that are about things that are actually somewhat possible but entirely unavoidable. You gotta talk yourself out of these by acknowledging that you've done what you can, you're well prepared, fear is only fear, and you will meet each event as it comes.

And you will.

I totally sympathize with the abject terror that comes out of every potentially important turn of the process, but the only bad thing that has happened so far is that you got a woman trustee. Many worse things have happened. Just don't look to her sympathy or try to connect with her emotions; if she's the kind of professional woman I'm thinking of, treat her as you would a man (courteous but not overly warm or expecting understanding / friendship) and you'll be fine. Good luck!!!

[2muchcc]

So all of this leads me to ask... if you have a free consultation with a trustee then they cannot be your trustee?

[HHM]

So all of this leads me to ask... if you have a free consultation with a trustee then they cannot be your trustee?

Correct. If you consult with an attorney for BK who is also a trustee, that typically disqualifies that person from being the trustee in your case.

[2muchcc]

So, does anyone know of any trustee I should meet with in Northern IL to avoid having them as my trustee? I just met with a atty who is a trustee and felt like this is who I want to use ... But I may still need to meet with a few more

[FreshLikeADaisy]

**LOL!!!!**

Oh man, you made me laugh so hard... contaminating the trustee pool like you were trying to prevent your wife from getting a divorce lawyer. Hah!!!

Not that I'm saying it's a bad idea... only that you made me laugh really hard.

[HHM]

So, does anyone know of any trustee I should meet with in Northern IL to avoid having them as my trustee? I just met with a atty who is a trustee and felt like this is who I want to use ... But I may still need to meet with a few more

Also, not all trustees are active BK attorneys.