Tired of being judged...

[Curious]

Hi there...OK..this will be a long vent thread here...sorry

My husband and I recently filed for Ch7, and in the process surrendered our home and a car. Our home was on the market for over 14 months with two realtors and 3 offers that fell through. We built this home just 4 years ago, and used all of our profits from the sale of our first home to "make it perfect"..and it nearly landed me in the hospital with a nervous breakdown (literally) when we had to surrender it to the bank. We had our only two children born while we lived there, and I have fond memories of our lovely home. And the vehicle we surrended was paid in full and never even used until I had children (I drove a beater to and from work-while it sat in the garage looking pretty). We had to take out a loan on that vehicle just to keep our heads above water while our house was on the market. I lost my job shortly after my daughter was born 3 years ago, and haven't been able to find a job that we would come out ahead after daycare costs. My husband has been laid of most of the last 3 years, and has had to be on disability 3 times because of knee and ankle problems (he's a flooring installer).
Basically, I am sick and tired of people judging us and making it sound like we took "the easy way out" by filing BK7. Do these idiots realize that we had to give up everything we worked so hard for, and now have to start all over again. What took us 7 years to build, was lost in 14 months. I mean everything...we had to sell off furniture, tools, etc just to stay ahead. But we took the "easy way out". I'm just sick of it.
I don't want to sound ungrateful, because I am very grateful that we are blessed with our good health, and more love and joy that I could ever hope for....but still it just gets old.

[nc73]

I don't know what to tell you. I use to think people that filed BK were scum and taking advantage of the system. Now I'ved decided on that road and you know I don't feel bad at all. I never worry about what others think of me, screw them. Hope things get better for you.

[B12]

I dealt with a lot of trades in my career. Carpet installer is a rough one. Hard on the legs and especially the knees.

Get fish oil, (omega), not a cure all, but good nonetheless.
Make him take two a day.

I have seen thousands of houses in my day. Not one was perfect.

Home is where the family sits down and has dinner at night.

[SinkingFast]

Home is where the family sits down and has dinner at night.

We lost our home too.

Our home of 14 years. Where our kids grew up. No, it wasn't perfect. Far from it. It was lived in. Comfortable. Well used. And filled with so many memories.

Not meaning to argue or anything like that, but,..........

Where we live now is just where we sleep, eat, and collect our mail. Home is still the house we lost. And it's been over 2 years for us.

Some "things" become living, breathing parts of us and loosing them is really, really hard.

[B12]

Sinking, I am so sorry the family had such a hard time losing the home.

I find that it helps to retain the memory and not the object.
Memories are the only things left when all else is gone and the only thing that can never be taken away from you.

I have had several very successful careers and here I am facing BK. And, honestly, neither my success or BK holds much importance to me.

My adult children live all over the place and we have to constantly fly to see each other. So, to me, home is the place where we sit at the dining room table, and I must say, it is a perfect home, especially when we are on our fourth bottle of wine and and playing "remember when....."

I always joke with my kids about my eulogy. I want them to say nothing of my life. I want them to get up and say, "She was a great Mom." and then sit down. LOL

You must have some wonderful memories in 14 years in your home. Sounds like it was a fun place to live! I hope the sadness of the loss diminishes with time.

[jp2861]

Curious, as another posted said...screw em. These millionaires seem to always find some loophole for keeping their money. Bankruptcy is just another option to be used. The law states that you're entitled to file for relief. None of us are doing anything illegal. I'm sure losing homes and the memories are tough, but you have to do what's right for you, not what others think is right for you.

[guzzie]

hope things get better for you......good luck in all you do........guzzie

[Curious]

Thanks...

Thanks, I feel better just knowing that there's other people out there going through it too. And you're right no house is perfect...but the one we lost was pretty darn close. We are currently renting, and it is just as one user said it's where we sleep, eat and collect our mail. I've tried very hard to make it "homey" but it's just not the same....
But, we do have each other..and our good health...

[qwertysue]

Are these people actually saying outloud that they are judging you? Are they saying to you "you took the easy way out"? Or is it a general feeling that you are getting?

If they really ARE saying this out loud to you, simply tell them that you prefer to keep your financial matters to yourself. Say this knowing that those who are telling you this might just be in a financial disaster themselves--or steamrolling towards one.

If they aren't saying this out loud, then it's time to talk yourself into not defending something that isn't happening.

Whatever is going on with other people, you can't be responsible for their feelings or actions. You need to take care of you....be nice to yourself...treat yourself to a good library book, a walk in the park, a cheap afternoon movie.

Hang in there!

Yes it sucks, you did the best that you could for your family--something that everyone here on the boards have done. It's time to

[BKOnce]

I wonder does wearing "knee pads" .. would make floor installer job must easier and avoid knee injury or not !?

[nc73]

I wonder does wearing "knee pads" .. would make floor installer job must easier and avoid knee injury or not !?

I've seen them work and they do wear them and it does help alot.

[southernbelle]

Personally, I used to think I was the only person going through this type of economic hardship and distress, but there are many people out there experiencing the same exact thing. Some of them are hanging on by a thread, and some are in denial, but I feel that all of us here have the wisdom to identify the problems we are facing and the courage to resolve them. There are so many things that brought us to this point, but God willing, we will be able to start over and hopefully learn from our mistakes. I am thankful everyday for this website because it offers words of encouragement and support for those of us that find ourselves at our lowest point. Knowing that someone else understands and can empathize with our situations helps us to cope. The positive point is that thing will get better. (At least that is my 2 cents worth.)

[$$only4ever]

Bankruptcy is never an "easy way" out. My heart truly goes out to everyone that has filed. It hurts. I know what Curious is saying though. I was so ashamed when I filed bankruptcy. I always thought that would happen to someone else, never me. What a humbling experience!!!! But now I know that it was the only thing that I could do so I could reclaim and build my financial future.

I was fortunate. I didn't lose a house, but I know how everyone feels about that. We relocated to another state 10 years ago. I had to sell the house that we had for 20 years. It was an old farmhouse that we completely renovated. That house was as much a part of us as any family member. But as we were leaving my beloved house for the last time, I started to cry. It wasn't because of the house, it was because of the gym set (swing set, fort, sandbox) that DH built when the boys were little. Silly, huh? I then realized that home is where ever your heart is. It really is not about geography, it is about being with the ones that you love.

[Minnymouth]

A NOTE FOR ALL NEWBIES:::

ANYONE on this forum that has filed BK knows the feelings that you all are experiencing......

1. Embarrassment
2. Shame
3. Defeat
4. Unworthness
5. No way out
6. Beating head against wall
7. Ridicule from others
8. Life's out of control

Yes, we have experienced it all and we survive it..... In fact a LOT OF IT is JUST IN OUR HEADS...............

Filing Bk is emotional, mentally and physically stressful. We panic, cry, fight with loved ones, etc. All over the ALMIGHTY DOLLAR BILL - how stupid is that!!!

NEVER feel that you made a bad mistake by filing BK to get a "fresh start" in life.....

For many of us - IT WAS THE ONLY WAY TO SURVIVE and make it in the future.

Filing BK is a "business decision" and should be treated as such. Without filing BK many of us would not be able to get our financial lives straightened out and back on course.

Don't worry about what "others" think...... they don't "row your boat"...... or walk down your path. They too, may be in financial disaster - but just keep struggling and their lives stay in an up-roar.

At least your taking "steps" to solve the problem BEFORE it destroys you mentally, physically, and emotionally. BEFORE it destroys your home, family, possible marriage.

Filing Bankruptcy is not a "easy way out".............many loose their homes, etc in the process. People who file "GO THRU A LOT" during the process that is completely out of their control.

So Folks, new and old timers.............be Proud that you took the steps to solve the problems..... Hold that head UP - it is your right to file BK..... and LOOK TO THE FUTURE and a new beginning for you and your families.....

My thoughts,

[Bandit]

I've noticed the ones who clang their guilt trip bell the loudest actually know very little to nothing about the law. When you start showing them what is really happening/happened, the law & the facts, they take their big loud bell (which they cannot play anyway) & put it back where it belongs...like put it back on the church steeple to ring on sunday to the 'Joyful we adore Thee' or clang it out back as the new dinner bell, or into something positive.

I found it very easy to turn the 'guilt trip bells' back on the perfect people, when they don't stop clanging & say something kind. It took a couple of my own loud clangs but they stopped.