Emotionally frozen

[EZDUZIT449]

I am at the point now of being able to file for about a month, but I am frozen. It seems that I can not emotionaly let myself get started on the paper work. I have no assests or main problems that should keep me from filing a chapter 7, have gone over all the figure's numerous times, but I am having a hard time making myself actualy follow thru. I have to do this, been on disability for 5 months now and I have no choice in the matter,,,,,,,,,but I just feel like ??? I dont know what I feel,,,I think once I do this I will officaly be part of the bankruptcy club,,,and this was never my dream in life. But then again,,,being in debt and oweing every person on earth was not my plan either,,,,and I now it can not be worse than what I am going thru now,,,

I just need a little kick in the pants. I feel a little alone at this point as I have not shared this info with my family and do not plan on doing so. I live alone with my two dogs, depression is not over whelming, has gotten better the past few months.

Thanks so much

[BassBoy]

You are feeling like every other member on this board. None of us ever planned for this to happen. I can relate to you not wanting to get started on this. My wife and I procrastinated the decision as well. We never wanted to do it, but when it becomes too much of a burden, you have do what's in your best interests.

[JasonK94Z]

We did the same thing. We had a ton of paperwork to do before our second meeting, and we put it off till the night before. Luckily I had already made spreadhseets with the debts, creditors name/address, etc. back when I decided bk was in our best interest. Just decide to do it all one evening and make yourself get it done. Once you get started, you'll find yourself more motivated.

Just think to yourself the relief you'll feel when all this debt is wiped off your plate. A little work now is well worth that!!

[emaretta]

Hi Ezduzit!

I totally empathize with you! My parents owned their own business that went bankrupt and they tried so hard to keep from repeating their mistakes (sending me to private school, college, etc.) and here I am about to file while still in my 20's. It does not feel good. I grew up to achieve, I read Robert Kiyosaki books, I bought my first home at 25 and a 2nd rental at 27, but credit card debt, and martial problems have now led me to this path. Atleast if my spouse was filing with me I'd feel a little better, but all the debt is in my name so it's pointless for him to file. So he's moving out which will leave me with all the debt, luckily b/c of that I'll be able to file chapter 7. So I'm going to be left with a bankruptcy all by myself, an empty house, and I'm going to have to move. I don't even know where to yet. All I can say is that I have to keep thinking on the positive side...we don't learn unless we make mistakes. We don't succeed if we don't fail. We HAVE to take a look at what we can learn from this and grow from it. This bankrupty could actually mean a fresh new start for me. No debt, new life, new city, new career...a clean slate. I don't know what the future holds yet, and I am scared of the unknown, but just take it one day at a time and remember how much you're going to learn from this experience and it's only going to make you a stronger, more knowledgeable person. I just keep on repeating my mantra, you ONLY grow and learn by making mistakes. To quote robert kiyosaki, "The most successful people are the ones who have made the most mistakes." So I guess I'm going to end up being really successful!! Woohoo to mistakes and poor decisions in life! We're the better off for them in the long run!
Just keep reading everyone's posts here in this forum, it's an awesome support network!

[EZDUZIT449]

You know JASON, you may be right. I have all the paper work in piles but have not put all the figures in to a neat pile like a spread sheet. Maybe getting that far it will not seem so over whelming. Once it is more organized I may be more inclined to follow thru. Thanks. I will make this a project this week,,,just to do one thing,,,and then the following week follow on thru with filling out the paper work. I keep thinking I am going to do all this in one sitting. Which is how I got thru college, cramming all the time. Bad bad habit. I think it is called procrastination, or in other words self sabatoage

[EZDUZIT449]

Thanks EMARETTA, What a positive attitude. You are right, I know once I start doing the foot work I will feel better. I have always self sabatoaged myself,,,,that is how I am in this boat. I am trying the last 6 months to stop being Masochistic (Self-defeating)

[JasonK94Z]

Something to help:

http://www.ca-bankruptcy-attorneys.com/calculators/expense_calculator.html

[chpxiii]

EZDUZIT449, take your time. Do a little bit every night and do it in steps. Like, one night, gather your paper work. The next night, sort it. The next, promise 30 minutes that you'll start compiling the information. You'll be taking it in bites and it won't seem so daunting. Next thing you know, voila! You'll be done.

Hang in there. I was depressed, suicidal depressed, when I filed. I barely remember that time of my life. It's like I have only a few snapshots of memories like quickly taken polaroids. I remember sitting infront of the trustee with a lawyer next to me, but I don't remember the questions. I know it took a few minutes, but it seemed like it was only 2 seconds sitting infront of the trustee at my 341.

I barely remember filling out the paperwork. Infact, this past weekend I pulled out all of my court documents and was looking them over. I had no clue what I was getting into, just that I was filing. Thanks to reading this board, now, 4 years later, I actually *understand* what I am reading when I read my court documents.

I was looking over the listing of all my creditors. I don't even remember that. I see all these papers I signed, I don't remember signing them, although I know I did. And yes, it's my signature. That's how *bad* I was at that time, how depressed, that I barely remember that time in my life.

We all react to trauma (and realizing you're bankrupt *IS* traumatic) very differently. Over time I have forgiven myself, rather than kick myself. Over time I've come to the point where when I get my bank check that has my payment to the trustee, I do it like clockwork, as if I need it to live, like I do breathing. It is just a part of me. The first couple of years I hated it and resented it and was always afraid and scared that the trustee wouldn't get the bank check and my case would be dismissed.

Like credit, and wounds, it just takes time. Take care of yourself.

[seraph79]

EZDuzit...the emotional weight of being in debt is definitely understandable. But, once you sit down and tackle the paperwork and get everything organized you'll have a clearer picture of just where you stand, financially. For years I was just "frozen" by fear of my debts and I chose to ignore it. Only when I sat down to actually itemize everything did I actually get a true sense of how deep in over my head I was. Once my lawyer filed my petition on 9/20 I was so relieved. The collection calls stopped. The nasty collection letters ceased. The wage garnishments stopped. My bank account was unfrozen. And now I've been sleeping better than I ever have before. I actually have extra money to put away in savings again!

As far as the "stigma" associated with bankruptcy--don't let that bother you. Bankruptcy is simply a "business decision" and should be regarded as such. It doesn't mean you are a deadbeat or immoral. It just means that somewhere along the line, you reached a tipping point at which your debt surpassed the ability to pay. I come from a fiscally conservative family and I was terrified of letting any of them know what I was going through for fear that I would be laughed at or lectured by them. One day, on the same day, my Dad and grandmother each separately asked me what was going on because I seemed so stressed. I told them the truth and I learned that both my father and grandmother had filed for bankruptcy decades ago. There wasn't any lecturing or scolding--and I learned that nobody's perfect. All we can do is learn from the past and make the future better.

So get that paperwork in order. Get it to your attorney (if you will have one) and file the petition! After that sit back and have a glass of wine and relish the thought of starting over with a clean slate! You can do it. The people on this forum are very knowledgeable and from what I've read, they are very supportive, so if you have questions or concerns, just post. I'm sure you'll get a lot of responses.

Good Luck!

Mike

[Cassiopeia]

WONDERFUL post, Mike!!! I agree with all of it.

I'll just repeat what I've said many times: filing BK brings an incredible sense of relief. And being finally discharged is a feeling like no other!

[EZDUZIT449]

Thank You for the replies. Really needed to read some words of encouragement today. You are so friendly to take the time to write such long words of wisdom. With your time involved,,, giving of your selves,,,,I will get busy each day and put forth the effort to move on with this. To get my life in order again is the best pay back I can do for others <like all of you> at this point, and then maybe someday be able to share with others on this forum and out in the world.

I know I can do this,,,,I need to stop the self pitty and stand up straight again and deal with my financial problems like a mature adult.

Thank You So Much.

[reener]

DIDN'T DONALD TRUMP FILE Bankruptcy?

I mean, I'm not Rosie but I think one of his companies or such did.

I mean people who are wealthy use it as a tool to set theirselves back right after too many bad investments or over extensions.

Actually, this is what makes it so hard for us, the regular people, to wade through all this paper, because somebody's well paid lawyer always goes through the loopholes and write off MILLIONS!

Don't feel bad. The credit card companies and predatory lenders and installment contract folks are not going under because of you and your debt.

Now, the mortgage companies, LOL!, I don't know what to say about that.

But do get organized, little by little, or cram for a day or so, whatever worked for you.

I tried both methods. I filed this morning. I was up all night until 1:00 am and had to leave my house at 5am to get to court in time to relieve my pressure.

Foreclosure set for tomorrow.

And, I have no lawyer.

So, just do what you can. I read here you were disabled.

Come on, man, there are people, sometimes two people, who cannot meet their obligations. If you are from an older generation, it is such a shameful thing and feeling, I know, but do it, its your right as an AMERICAN!

You will feel so much better and no one will be more hurt by you DOING IT!

Hope you have a great day.

Reene R

[chpxiii]

Don't feel bad. The credit card companies and predatory lenders and installment contract folks are not going under because of you and your debt.

Even if they did go under I would get over it and not feel bad. I've "gone under" myself (i.e. filed bankruptcy) due to businesses and company "practicies."

[jennyn]

When I started thinking about BK I embarrassedly mentioned it to a friend. Found out she filed a couple years ago. Well, I started wondering, and I know I was just being nosey but I checked Pacer, after all it is public records. Anyway, I was stunned at how many people I knew that have filed. Even my brother! It sure made me feel better!

[justrock]

I went through the same thing. I finally filed on Friday, after two months baby steps. I was still correcting schedule F and reprinting right before I walked out the door to go to the courthouse. As with many things in life, the worrying was worse than the doing.
It's nice to be able to take your time. but things are deteriorating so you really can't indulge yourself. We are here to help as much as we can.