How Do You Guys Handle This, I Can't Take It

[CurtInKS]

Since my wife and I decided to file, my stress has gone down and hers has gone up. I stressed so much, month after month, overdrafts, counting change to put gas in the car, all that. My wife didn't really see it, so it didn't faze her. Now, we are filing, and have stopped paying our credit cards, so we can actually grocery shop, keep our cars above a half tank of gas, and not overdraw month after month, and I sleep better. For my wife, it's the opposite. Credit card companies are already calling(June was the first missed payment.), and it's driving her nuts. She's stressing all this much more than me, but I stressed it all much more, before.

[chpxiii]

Since my wife and I decided to file, my stress has gone down and hers has gone up. I stressed so much, month after month, overdrafts, counting change to put gas in the car, all that. My wife didn't really see it, so it didn't faze her. Now, we are filing, and have stopped paying our credit cards, so we can actually grocery shop, keep our cars above a half tank of gas, and not overdraw month after month, and I sleep better. For my wife, it's the opposite. Credit card companies are already calling(June was the first missed payment.), and it's driving her nuts. She's stressing all this much more than me, but I stressed it all much more, before.

CurtInKS, I know it is stressful. I hear ya.

Tell your wife not to answer the phone. Get a cheap answering machine, turn off the ringer and the audio and only answer important phone calls.

If there is one thing my mom taught me: *I* am paying for the phone. It is for *MY* convenience. Just because the phone rings doesn't mean you have to answer it. Even before I filed bankruptcy, I had gotten to a point where I can hear my phone ring and it wouldn't phase me at all. And it rang alot. I'm paying for the phone and if I don't want to answer, well, that's my perogotive.

Look at it that way.

[DeadManCrawling]

There is no obligation on your part to answer the phone. I know this can get tricky and cause some embarrassment if you have company in your home.

We have told all of our friends and business associates about our pending bankruptcy, with almost no negative responses from anyone.

Life isn't a neatly drawn roadmap, no matter how much we would like it to be. There are, despite the illusion, very few events we actually can exert control over. One area where we can help ourselves is to save money while times are good, to soften the blow of job loss, medical emergencies, death, and so on. That is one place my family made tragic decisions.

We bought into the American Nightmare and lived to within pennies of our income, all while making ten times the average American income. We threw ourselves over the cliff and into poverty with enthusiasm, without ever realizing we were committing financial suicide.

This stress and anxiety will pass. You will have a new home. Life WILL go on. What other choice IS there besides to continue living, working, loving your family and improving your situation, even if it's little by little and one brick at a time?

You can rebuild.

At the realization that bankruptcy was our only way out, I cried for three days straight, slept very little, and was incapable of working. None of them are very manly things to do, but hey, I am human also.

It was after those three days, staring at the wreckage and shattered dreams that I concluded a few things:

1. If you let the creditors cause you a huge level of stress (or create it for yourself), your chances of seeing clearly everything you need to do during and after bankruptcy will be greatly diminished.

2. The stress and anxiety that you are dealing with could impact on you far, far down the road. Is it worth shaving 5 years off your lifespan because you spent a year in fear and confusion?

3. Family is your most important asset. It is of more worth than ANY amount of debt, acquired for ANY reason. To care for your family, their well-being emotionally and physically, is the crown jewel of life. If you dwell on the debts owed to creditors, you won't be able to see what's going on in your own home.

I hope you are doing well, and that the last few days since the original post has provided you time to collect yourself and find some peace.

Best wishes,

-dmc

[CurtInKS]

CurtInKS, I know it is stressful. I hear ya.

Tell your wife not to answer the phone. Get a cheap answering machine, turn off the ringer and the audio and only answer important phone calls.

If there is one thing my mom taught me: *I* am paying for the phone. It is for *MY* convenience. Just because the phone rings doesn't mean you have to answer it. Even before I filed bankruptcy, I had gotten to a point where I can hear my phone ring and it wouldn't phase me at all. And it rang alot. I'm paying for the phone and if I don't want to answer, well, that's my perogotive.

Look at it that way.

I am trying to help her cope. We don't have a land line, and her cell phone is the one that was on all the credit cards. I told her, if it isn't a number in her phone book, just don't bother with it.

[chpxiii]

I am trying to help her cope. We don't have a land line, and her cell phone is the one that was on all the credit cards. I told her, if it isn't a number in her phone book, just don't bother with it.

Does her cell phone give her the ability to assign individual rings to individual numbers?

If so, have her assign rings to the people in her cell phone's phone book. For all general calls, keep the cell phone with no ringer, or silent (but don't necessarily turn the ringer off.)

Then, when a call comes in, if it's in her phone book, her cell will ring the special ring and she'll know it's someone she knows. Otherwise, her phone stays silent and it won't be so bothersome for her. She can just check messages at the end of the day and delete the creditor calls without listening to the whole message.