Mom is moving in... I have a few questions???

[tobee43]

AC....

Believe me, I know what you are saying. To answer a few of your questions... my mom is still fairly young (65 this past Feb) and in much better health than she thinks she is. She has never spent a day in her life being independent. Although, in her mind, she has. My mother has never taken care of herself and I am very aware that her expectations are that I will be there to entertain her, as well as being her maid, and generally just constantly affirming that she is loved. Yet with all that in mind, we have known for years that this day would eventually come. I feel the responsibility to care for my mother very deeply.

We built our home with a full apartment attached for the sole purpose of taking care of her. We've never used the apartment but it's finally going to serve it's intended purpose. The idea behind it wasn't to isolate her from us but rather to give her a place of her own because I am very aware that we all need that. I know I do. Her and I are very different people. I have two sisters who stayed close to her (geographically speaking). I was the one who put distance between us. My mother has a need to control. When I say this, I'm not talking about the normal mom control issues, I'm talking about someone who needs to control everyone within her environment. My sisters let that go on. I didn't. For that reason, I have been the 'lost sheep' of the family. Anyway, I digress.

The point I want to make is that I understand my mother. I know what she expects. I know what I'm willing to give. I know how to say no. I know which battles are worth fighting and which battles to stay out of. God willing, my mother still has many, many years left. She has spent the better part of her life with a victim mentality and I don't expect that to change. All I know for sure is that the only reason she is willing to come stay with me is that she has exhausted her welcome with everyone else.

With love and respect, I thank you for your prayers. I certainly need them.

no surprise to me at all that you are such a good daughter.

[tobee43]

smart move. she will have to pay for her secondary herself then. we have been truly blessed because our secondary is picked up by my husband's retirement plan that he has being ex state police. i know it's very expensive, as he was worried about it for me when he was sick and it would cost us over 600 per month. unbelievable.

[AngelinaCat]

Hi TheBajan:

I am tardy getting back to you; other matters have reared their ugly heads that we have to deal with. (*tsk* Where is that white knight I sent DeepBreaths?)

Seriously, I was concerned that without warning you were going to be 'graced' with your Mother's presence on a permanent basis. I have seen that happen too often.

When you wrote that you and your DH have planned for this, I am very relieved for you, and proud of you both. You both will be in my prayers.

[pamkev]

BJ,
My thoughts are with you. I understanding about the controlling mom thing. My mom was like that about everything but I miss her dearly and would like to have her back. Okay tears are starting to fall so I will close

Pam

[TheBajan]

Tobee, AC, Pam,

Thank you all. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you. Pam, I know exactly what you mean. It is a bittersweet love for those in our life.

Many thanks,
The Bajan