Bet none of you have this problem!

[wanttobehappy57]

I have been in a chapter 13 for 3 years now and thought I had 9 more payments remaining. My husband who didn't file with me was to be sending in monthly mortgage payments to the trustee for our home. The car and house payments were being made so I didn't think anything of it. The other day I got a call from my attorney that the trustee had put in for a dismissal request in my case. I almost was going to lose my mind. I found out that my husband didn't make 8 payments to the trustee which put my case $4600 in arrears! This isn't my fault but now I am the one who has to suffer for it. Will this end in divorce after 30 years of marriage? I'm not sure yet but very possible.

[momofthree]

I have been in a chapter 13 for 3 years now and thought I had 9 more payments remaining. My husband who didn't file with me was to be sending in monthly mortgage payments to the trustee for our home. The car and house payments were being made so I didn't think anything of it. The other day I got a call from my attorney that the trustee had put in for a dismissal request in my case. I almost was going to lose my mind. I found out that my husband didn't make 8 payments to the trustee which put my case $4600 in arrears! This isn't my fault but now I am the one who has to suffer for it. Will this end in divorce after 30 years of marriage? I'm not sure yet but very possible.

The reality is that it is YOUR bankruptcy and it is YOUR job to make sure the payments are made each month. It literally takes about 30 seconds to log in to 13datacenter to confirm that your payment has been received each month. Yes, you are in a bad spot, but I certainly wouldn't look into divorce solely due to this. You dropped the ball as much as your husband--more so because YOU are the one who filed.

The bigger question is what happened to the money that was supposed to be sent? Do you have the cash to bring your case current? Can you amend the case to add the extra amount onto the plan? I sounds like your original plan was for less than 60 months, so that may be a possibility...

[wanttobehappy57]

look here, I am not the bad guy, in this case and you are making me feel like I am. If you are a mom of three you could be a little sympathetic toward me. Yes it was my fault that I didn't look into this every month but what you don't know is that my husband has always paid the mortgage payment then when this happened for some reason he didn't. Yes my plan is for 39 months and I guess I wasn't aware that it was that simple just to add 5 more payments. I was afraid I would have to start all over again and that is what was scaring my to death. Once again, thanks.

[momofthree]

look here, I am not the bad guy, in this case and you are making me feel like I am. If you are a mom of three you could be a little sympathetic toward me. Yes it was my fault that I didn't look into this every month but what you don't know is that my husband has always paid the mortgage payment then when this happened for some reason he didn't. Yes my plan is for 39 months and I guess I wasn't aware that it was that simple just to add 5 more payments. I was afraid I would have to start all over again and that is what was scaring my to death. Once again, thanks.

I apologize for making you feel like the bad guy. That was not at all my intention. I don't think there IS a bad guy in this situation. Your post makes it sound as though you are placing all the blame on your husband. The fact of the matter is that you need to take responsibility for it as well, and the idea of considering divorce over this one issue, when you are just as much at fault stuns me, to say the least.

I think the bigger question is (and something the tt is going to want to know as well): where is the money that was supposed to be paid to the trustee over the last 8 months?

[Pandora]

I dont believe Momofthree was directing her comments the way you read them - she's always very genuine in her posts, but also very upfront as well. I agree with what she wrote in that given its your BK, it's up to you to keep up to date on everything just as the Trustee informs you at your 341 (i.e., if payroll deduction, keep track of it, if lost - its up to you to pay until found... situation). Bigger question I have is what did your husband do with 8 months of payments that are missing?

Obviously there are some other issues besides BK going on - perhaps before deciding to divorce, counseling would be in order to find out what is really the underlying issue.

Best of luck to you - and glad that your plan can be added onto and not get dismissed. Remember to do your post-BK course before you finish as well!

ETA: momofthree - whoops - we must've been typing at the same time

[wanttobehappy57]

Dear Mom of Three

I guess I posted this right after I found out about what my husband didn't do! Sorry I was upset. We are all in the same boat together and going through something that is hard but for the best. I just hope they can tack 5 months on to my Bk instead of starting all over again. That would totally devastating to me. I am a diabetic and finding this out wasn't good for my health. I am really not sure what he did with the money and I am trying to deal with this. Just please pray my payments won't increase monthly or have to start all over again, for that would surely devastate me!

[AngelinaCat]

Dear wanttobehappy57:

I am so sorry to read of your situation, but from what I am reading from your posts and the responses, I have to agree with the other posters. The Ch13 BK was your responsibility, and you should have been handling the paperwork, payments, et. al., not your husband.

Now with that said, what has happened to that money that DH should have been paying?? You need to find that out.
_________________

Just as a sidebar, when my 'Hub and I decided to marry in my church, we had to attend a weekend Marriage Counseling Course. We expected to hear about Communication, and how to better achieve it. Instead we learned the following:

Each and every single seminar and meeting that we attended drilled this fact into us: "What breaks a marriage up is NOT infidelity--the thing that breaks a marriage is how the couple handles, or DOES NOT handle money. And jf you are not communicating, you aren't handling anything else well, either".

That revelation was more than 25 years ago. You may disagree, but I am seeing this happen all the time in monitoring these boards. Your post is a prime example.

I am not trying to 'beat you up' or anything else. I really am on your side. But you have had a major 'wake-up' call.

My very best wishes go to you~~~

[747LUVR]

My wife and I will be celebrating 10 years of marriage next month, we too also took required pre marriage counseling (we're catholic)...and not once did we fight or argue or get mad at each other over our financial collapse/bk. B/c you know what? When it boils down to it, we never put a price on love, our commitment to each other, and our belief is that when we die...and hopefully go to Heaven, money makes no difference (and no we're not church going bible thumpers). Communication however is a very important tool, with that you can navigate problems, and yes, your husband owes you one heck of an explanation to where 8 months of mtg payments went.

[wanttobehappy57]

None of you know where my background comes from. I have been a born again Christian for 42 years now. yes this has been a wake up call to me - may I say that I have been married 30 years this july 11. This has just been one of the most shocking things that has ever happened to me. So please don't try to tell me what to do spiritually because all is well with my soul and God. It just must be nice that not one of you has problems. Wish I lived in your world.

[Flamingo]

Dear Mom of Three

I guess I posted this right after I found out about what my husband didn't do! Sorry I was upset. We are all in the same boat together and going through something that is hard but for the best. I just hope they can tack 5 months on to my Bk instead of starting all over again. That would totally devastating to me. I am a diabetic and finding this out wasn't good for my health. I am really not sure what he did with the money and I am trying to deal with this. Just please pray my payments won't increase monthly or have to start all over again, for that would surely devastate me!

Your attorney should be able to straighten all this out and hopefully get things squared away for you with the Trustee but the big thing here is since you filed under your name only, why was your husband handling the financial section of this and sending in the payments? Did you inform your attorney your husband was handling paying for this? I am amazed your husband did not tell you what he was not doing or was doing and this backfired on you...I am sure your attorney can straighten it out but you seem to have bigger fish to fry over this situation. Money/financial problems in relationships and the biggest factors in breakups - in any event, work with your attorney and then I would highly suggest some sort of counseling as to you and your hubby as to why this occurred. Best of luck to you...

[IamOld]

FOr whatever it's worth, I second what Flamingo said - this sort of "stuff" puts a great stain - unfortunately - on any relationship - i have a bit of a complicated case, and I do feel like I'm doing this w/out my spouse's "support" if you will.

Only thing I would say is you may need to take charge as it were, and take care of these things from now on - it may be that (as I'm finding with myself) that people have an emotional block about being able to communicate about some things...maybe your husband feels ashamed about the financial situation and somehow he just couldn't tell you things...anyway, enough of the pop psych - as Flamingo said, your atty will sort it out, and maybe then you may need to pay the bills...

All my best wishes to you!!!!!

[woeisme]

I have to agree with the OP, I'm not emotionally involved in this and I'm reading it as it sure seems like a lot of people are placing the blame on her for this situation, saying it is just as much her fault, etc, so if I was her and already all upset over the situation, I can see this being really salt in the wound. I'm sorry, but after 30 years of marriage where she has always been able to count on her partner making the mortgage payments, why on earth would she suspect that he went off the reservation and stopped paying? She had a trust and faith in her partner based on decades of past behavior, a trust that was shattered when she found out he not only didn't make these payments, but from what I gather from her posts, now isn't saying where the $ went. I can see why she's upset to be told she's the irresponsible one for not checking on her husband's payments every single month when she had no reason to suspect there was a problem, that she "dropped the ball as much as her husband---more so". Anyhow, I sure hope you can get it worked out, both the BK and the marriage issues.

[IamOld]

Spot on, woeisme. As I am finding out myself, I think perhaps OP may need to (again forgive the amateur psych here) ask herself if there are issues BEYOND the money or if the money issue has caused other issues...

I have to agree with the OP, I'm not emotionally involved in this and I'm reading it as it sure seems like a lot of people are placing the blame on her for this situation, saying it is just as much her fault, etc, so if I was her and already all upset over the situation, I can see this being really salt in the wound. I'm sorry, but after 30 years of marriage where she has always been able to count on her partner making the mortgage payments, why on earth would she suspect that he went off the reservation and stopped paying? She had a trust and faith in her partner based on decades of past behavior, a trust that was shattered when she found out he not only didn't make these payments, but from what I gather from her posts, now isn't saying where the $ went. I can see why she's upset to be told she's the irresponsible one for not checking on her husband's payments every single month when she had no reason to suspect there was a problem, that she "dropped the ball as much as her husband---more so". Anyhow, I sure hope you can get it worked out, both the BK and the marriage issues.

[wanttobehappy57]

When I met with my attorney - and I should mention my attorney is a friend of ours from church - he had my husband in on the meeting. The trustee requested that the mortgage payment be mailed into the office, so everyone was aware. I guess I just trusted him too much

[wanttobehappy57]

Dear Woeisme,

God bless you for understanding exactly how I feel. My husband has always been the frugal one and when this happened my world fell apart. I am doing better but still shaky. Thank you so much!