Paralegal said NO Christmas Shopping

[ShooFly]

Since I am in the middle of a 13, I am quite aware it is "not supposed to be a party". I also know how to speak to people without being condescending and arrogant. Some people are incapable of that, apparently. Not going to continue going back and forth here - not worth the energy. Again Melody, best of luck to you.

Then why are you still posting to me? I think your posts are rude, condescending and arrogant. Are you the type of person that has to have the last word or secrectly likes to fight? I don't agree with you and I don't care what you think of me. Since you're "well aware" then I am shocked at your advice to Melody... you're advice will help her sink deeper by helping her to think $600 is a resonable amount.

[Nanzee]

Since I am in the middle of a 13, I am quite aware it is "not supposed to be a party". I also know how to speak to people without being condescending and arrogant. Some people are incapable of that, apparently. Not going to continue going back and forth here - not worth the energy. Again Melody, best of luck to you.

[ShooFly]

Nowhere in her posts have I picked up that she is "more concerned about her kid's gifts than keeping her house." I am glad to see others here coming to her support. What a shame I have been coming to this board for over a year now, and have not witnessed such negativity until now. When I first started this overwhelming process I would have been devastated to receive such nastiness from a so-called "support" board. Melody, you are going to be okay, God bless you and your kids. It's going to work out fine - enjoy your holidays and your life. Best of luck to you.

You're entitled to your opinion, so am I. Melody posted here for advice - and myself and many others told her what she didn't want to hear, but also what is true. She's questioning her Lawyers advice and I happen to agree with it. If y'all find it hard to swallow, well, it is. Filing a 13 is not supposed to be a party, it's a reorganization of debt and attitudes. I think that if she doesn't change her outlook on the whole thing, starting with the $600 kids gifts, that her 13 will most likey fail (about 60% do). So I'm actually trying to help her too. Support doesn't mean just agreeing with everything someone says.

[Nanzee]

Nowhere in her posts have I picked up that she is "more concerned about her kid's gifts than keeping her house." I am glad to see others here coming to her support. What a shame I have been coming to this board for over a year now, and have not witnessed such negativity until now. When I first started this overwhelming process I would have been devastated to receive such nastiness from a so-called "support" board. Melody, you are going to be okay, God bless you and your kids. It's going to work out fine - enjoy your holidays and your life. Best of luck to you.

[ShooFly]

... I don't plan to throw away $800-$900 on an apartment when I live in family-freindly neighborhood in a house that will hopefully one day be paid off. Now, that would be stupid to pay rent and have nothing to show for it...

You missed my point unfortunately. If your 13 fails, they will foreclose on your house and you'll be pretty much forced to rent. If you don't want to make adjustments now, then why file the 13? Just jump ahead and file the 7 now and rent since you seem more concerened about your kids gifts that you do about keeping your house. Just saying.

[ShooFly]

My holiday budget was considering my son's 9th birthday on Dec. 1 and my daughter's 3rd birthday on Jan. 11 along with Christmas. I still don't think $600 is an extravagant amount when you are considering 2 kids and 3 special events.

And that is exactly where many of us think you are missing the boat. The $600 dollar amount is extravagant. If you can afford to shell out $600 for gifts, then you should be able to make your $500 student loan payment. But nobody but your trustee is saying "don't buy gifts at all" - it's just the dollar amount many people are questioning because it is high. And I won't apologize for being straight-forward, it's who I am.

[MelodyAM75]

Thanks for the support. I do want to stay around because I have learned a lot from reading the posts, but just have been rather shocked how this thread has gotten so out of control. I will probably stay around and respond to other threads and read threads, but I will think twice before starting a new thread of my own again.

Glad you're still here. Don't let anyone chase you out. Just remember there are as many big dummies in here as anywhere, and lots of kind people who misunderstand, some who you should just ignore, others who type in haste, experts who will give and give and give, quiet ones lurking with love, etc. Diverse group and you will find support here, even if this particular thread has been a bit like getting jumped into a gang.

[debee]

Glad you're still here. Don't let anyone chase you out. Just remember there are as many big dummies in here as anywhere, and lots of kind people who misunderstand, some who you should just ignore, others who type in haste, experts who will give and give and give, quiet ones lurking with love, etc. Diverse group and you will find support here, even if this particular thread has been a bit like getting jumped into a gang.

[MelodyAM75]

My holiday budget was considering my son's 9th birthday on Dec. 1 and my daughter's 3rd birthday on Jan. 11 along with Christmas. I still don't think $600 is an extravagant amount when you are considering 2 kids and 3 special events.

[MelodyAM75]

Thanks for your post Sheila. I appreciate your concern. I will be getting affordable gifts and enjoying the holidays with my kids. I hope you and your family will have a nice holiday as well.

[MelodyAM75]

Thanks for sharing your story. I, too, think I initially encountered a lawyer who frowned upon any "extra" spending. However, after checking with other lawyers, I have been told that they would never expect parents to neglect to buy gifts for their kids. I already left all my paperwork with the first lawyer and am waiting to hear back about their proposed plan, but have already scheduled a meeting with a more family-friendly lawyer during my Thanksgiving break just in case the plan proposed by the first lawyer is too harsh. I think bankruptcy should be a relief, not a punishment. I suspect my monthly payment will be at least $1000/month and I think I can find extra money for a few gifts here and there.

[MelodyAM75]

I am really not sure why I am bothering to reply, but I have already said mulitiple times that I made the decision to stop using credits cards a few months ago and they have all been cut up. I am not using credit to buy gifts. I also never said I was spending $600 on just Christmas. My son's birthday is Dec. 1 and my daughter's is January 11 so it all comes together and I was considering the costs of their cake, gifts, etc. The $600 I mentioned included both birthdays and Christmas. I was lucky enough to win a drawing from a free Lazer Tag party for my son (we usually just have parties at our house so that it's free except for a few decorations (using Dollar Tree stuff) and the cake which runs about $25 from Wal-Mart. I can't make a decent looking cake and always have about 15-20 family members come to celebrate with us. Anyway, I am going to stop trying justify making birthdays and Christmas nice for my kids since so many are opposed. I appreciate those who have posted in my defense and really can't understand why others have been so negative about the whole thing. I don't own any jewelry (except for my wedding rings, which were purchased for under $300) and have hand-me down furniture and not a single piece of china (just Wal-Mart dishes). I am not living an extravagant lifestyle. I don't plan to throw away $800-$900 on an apartment when I live in family-freindly neighborhood in a house that will hopefully one day be paid off. Now, that would be stupid to pay rent and have nothing to show for it. I work hard teaching special education students and writing freelance on the side and don't just throw my money away. I don't go to casinos, I don't drink any alcohol, smoke cigerettes and give my husband a hard time when he wants to get ribeyes for supper once per month because I think they cost too much.

And as far as why I ended up here in the first place...well, it wasn't from running up gambling debt of credit card debt...it was from nearly dying of severe pre-eclamsia and giving birth to a 3 1/2 pound baby girl who required an extended hospital stay and heart surgery in 2008. I don't many people who have enough extra income to pay thousands of dollars in medical bils. I didn't get in this mess by buying designer clothes, jewelry or other extravagant things. So, I really wish people would stop telling me how I have caused all this and will be desitute before long...I got by spending $60 dollars in groceries just this week by using coupons and my kroger card....I am going to get control of my finances with bankruptcy relief...and I will be just fine and so will my kids...

No is trying to convince you... but we agree with your trustee that $600 for kids gifts is going overboard, which is how you ended up here in the first place. If you're not going to change much, then why even file 13? Just move to an apartment and carry on. When the money and the credit runs out, you'll get it.

[debee]

Telling the OP what she needs to prepare for - flexibility within her budget, adapting to what the trustee will permit, planning for Murphy's visit, etc - seemed like really great, factual advice that would be of benefit to anyone who reads this thread. Some of the other comments seemed, well, less so.

[AngelinaCat]

The operative word is 'affordable'. The OP is proposing to spend several hundred dollars on a 6 year old and a 2 year old. That is what the posters are taking exception to--not the idea of Christmas gifts to children.

[sheilaE]

I agree!! I've been reading all these response, some posts are really helpful and others are down right depressing. For goodness sake-there's nothing wrong with a getting some Christmas presents for the kids! So Melody, get your little ones some affordable Christmas presents and lets just end this thread on a happy note!