What if we can't work it out?

[julsmom]

Ok we have had our first meeting and worked through things with our attorney, thanks for the responses on the questions, I talked with him for a long time last night & we are getting things ready to file....he recommends a full blown appraisal on the house before we file, so that is where we are. We are very close to what we are saying & the CMA is saying the house is worth, plus the city assessment, I say that's it & it is what we owe on the 1st mortgage so we should get the lien strip. But we will do the appraisal & re-assess where we are. Then if that doesn't work, I really don't see another way other than to walk away from this house. That being said...here is my dilmena, it is nagging me in the head...DH & I have been fighting....a LOT...what happens if we can't work this out? I see others have posted and it seems much better/easier to file this now, I am off course hoping this will be the better way to a better path for us & will help things to get better between us. But maybe I am thinking in the back of my head...you know, maybe if we do have to walk away from this house, I rent a place that I can afford, just on my salary for me & my boys...just in case you know. Thoughts? But I know that of course would mess everything up & possibly throw out the whole case, since then we would be a family of 3, etc. etc. 2 separate households. Uggh....the stress is going to kill me!

[LadyInTheRed]

My husband and I go through periods where we seem to fight a lot. Eventually, either one of us really blows up and we have it out, or we sit down and talk about whatever is bothering one or both of us (or there's a blow up follwed by a sit down). But, our marriage seems stronger after each period of fighting. In fact, it's been a long time since we've fought.

Have you and your DH talked about your future? Are you both willing to work on keeping the marriage together? Are there problems besides the financial ones? I don't ask these questions for you to answer here, but just for you to think about.

Financial troubles are hard on marriages and end many of them. Getting through the hard times requires that both spouses be willing to work hard to resolve and get past the problems. Filing bankruptcy together is a sign that you are working together to resolve your financial problems. But, before you file, now is a good time to have a frank discussion about the future of your marriage and whether you are both committed to staying together. If you both are committed to making the marriage work, file for BK knowing that things will not be easy, but that with open communication and understanding - and even a fight now and then - you can get through it.

If you agree you are headed for separation or divorce, you might as well face it now and really make this a fresh start. As you point out, separating after filing will complicate the BK. Better to know where you are headed before you start, even if it means facing some difficult realities now.

Thats my 2 cents after 10 years of co-habition, followed by 3 years of marriage and still going strong, with a banrkuptcy ahead.

I hope you get through the hardests parts of this quickly!