My wife is scared to miss her payments:(

[NeedOptions]

My wife has not come to terms with our future filing. While she absolutely understands that we will never get out of debt and ch. 13 is our only solution, she is scared to miss her payments to the credit cards. My wife is 38 years old and has never missed a payment on anything in her life. Is there anything I can say to her to make it easier? Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

[shark66]

Well, you know your wife and what may or may not work, but my thoughts would go along the lines of "they can't do anything to you" as well as trying to turn her fears into anger. The latter has worked extremely well with my spouse.

YMMV.

Good luck.

[LadyInTheRed]

Put a waste basket in front of her, toss in a hand full of cash and say, "that is what you are doing by making payments on credit cards when we know we will file bankruptcy."

If that doesn't work, ask what she is afraid of and use facts to calm those fears. Tell us what she's afraid of and we may be able to help.

I'm 41 and missed payments for the first time in my life two weeks ago. So far, the earth is still spinning on its axis.

[NeedOptions]

I think she is afraid of the calls that she will receive. I told her that I would handle them and I am ready to "chat" with the creditors.

[krielly]

Although we filed almost 5 years ago, I remember that feeling your wife had like it was yesterday.

I had never been late or missed a payment either prior to filing. I don't think there is much you can say which will make her feel better about it, unfortunately. While you can certainly be supportive, which you obviously are, it's something she has to work through on her own.

Personally, my despair was short-lived. I had a Citibank CC with a 20K+ balance. On time payments for 6 years, a super low interest rate, and one missed payment later (not even 30 days late, mind you) they rate jacked me to over 30% interest. At this point, they didn't even know I was filing, and for all they knew, after over 6 years of excellent credit history with them, and less than 30 days late, I could have just had a one time issue. They were ready to stick it to me!

Well, that really burned my @$>! I can tell you. From there on in, I got really really angry and thought, you know what? Sucks to be them!!!!!!!! My guilt was dissolved in about 2 minutes! Never looked back!!!

[Nanzee]

I was afraid to stop paying at first, but when I did, and started getting all those nasty phone calls, I changed my mind. All the years of paying them did not mean a damn when we started having problems - they were just a bunch of vultures. But I do understand what she is going through.

[needanswers]

I can't give advice but I know how your wife is feeling. I can relate with your wife because I am having very hard time with it now, today in fact. We have a bill due TODAY and I find myself still looking around at stuff I might sell fast on craigslist or ebay. I hope that it does get easier and I hope that giving the creditors the lawyer phone number will slow down the calls.

[Lisa211]

I felt the same as your wife---40 years old and never missed a payment in my life. I was *humiliated* to receive calls and felt like such a failure. I had my husband field most of the calls. But then I realized we were doing what was right for our family and these people didn't know me at all. I wish we had done this LONG ago! Let her know it's get easier!!

[Jackdog]

I'm like your wife. My best friend told me a year ago to file BK. It was to the point where we had the bare essentials as far as food because I was trying to pay off more on cards than the minimum. We were going out to eat maybe once every 6 months. It was just work, then go home, rinse and repeat.My pride kept me from even considering BK. So I continued to pay on time some more than minimum others minimum. After years of doing this, calling the creditors begging them to work with me on the interest rates and being told no. I got fed up. They love my minimum or barely over minimum payment coming in each month. Most of my cards haven't been used in over 4 years but the payments have been made.

Now it's changed. I'm not proud or happy about the situation I've put myself in. But in all honesty if they would of worked with me I'd still be paying them. So now it's kind of turned to anger because now when they call they want to work with me. So paying on time no we won't help you. Miss 2-3 months worth of payments they want to help.

Then I found this site. And realized I'm not a bad person because I'm filing BK. No one here is. I thought I'd be viewed as someone that took out credit with no intention of ever paying it back. Which was not the case I've paid for years just to watch the balance barely go down.

[Mi Bankruptcy]

I think she is afraid of the calls that she will receive. I told her that I would handle them and I am ready to "chat" with the creditors.

My wife didn't want to fie and I put my foot down and said we were filing. One of the few times in our marriage where I put my foot down. What you need to do is make sure the retainer is paid for your attorney so you can send calls to them. You then need to create a phone script for her to read if she gets caught off guard by a call.

The script should say something like this.

We are filing bankruptcy and if you have questions about our payment you can contact our attorney at blah,,blah.. blah

You need to put on the script.. when they ask more questions she replies with:

My attorney can answer that would like their name and number. Don't bother telling them anything about what chapter you are filing ect.. This helped my wife accept it and made life easier

[NeedOptions]

Wow, I love this forum. Thank you for making my job just a little easier. Our story is similar to all of yours (trying to make minimums, never decreasing the balance, etc) and it is frustrating. The script idea is great. I will write something down for her just in case she talks to a creditor. Thanks again all.

[researchnerd]

We're just a couple of weeks ahead of you. DH went to see a BK attorney, who advised us to stop paying on everything immediately. Partly so we can pay his fees, of course, but also partly because the trustees can take recent payments to unsecured creditors back if they want to, so there isn't really any point. Your credit is going to be trashed by the BK, so being a month or two behind on your bills beforehand won't even show up.

I was OK with not paying my CC bills (BofA in particular has been especially nasty to DH, who is unemployed and simply cannot pay) but I am still really uncomfortable with missing a car payment. The attorney patiently assured me that I will be protected from repo the minute we file, and that I can keep my car after we file, but it just feels wrong to intentionally not make that payment. I'm going to have to get over it though, because it's like throwing my cash into a black hole and we can certainly use it for other things.

OP, you can tell your wife she's in good company and maybe show her this thread?

Mi Bankruptcy, the script is a great idea.

[mkstlowe]

I understand you wife totally. I was same way. I'm 37 NEVER missed any payment for anything. Never had to deal with collections. My attorney and my husband try to make sound right, but I does not! I can say I survived. When they called I told them I would be filing, i gave my attorney's # and name and left it at that. I will say they were very understanding phone calls, because i never missed payments it surprised them.

What really pushed me was when they raised my APR's and I called to discuss. They told me till I missed payments there nothing they could do for me. I explained that if i did that, it would put me in a worse position. They didn't care. All these years of paying on time, never asked for lower APR till now and this is what happen.

I still at night think what I"m doing is good or bad. I see what other people say. I would NEVER be debt free in 5 years if I don't do this. I think we would be in worse case.

I question myself daily, but i tried to talk to the creditors before we made this move. Being good person does not always pay. We all will make mistakes. Thats why I'm here. I deserve a 2nd chance. I"m going to take it. Might not be easy, it might damage my #'s for a little bit, but in the long run. When my oldest starts college. I will have no Credit card debt and by then my Mortgage (outside my plan) will be paid also.