Dealing with family gifts?

[flower04]

We haven't told anyone except my spouses' parents that we are doing a 13 (filing in about 30 days).

We have many family members and the gift lists for bdays are circulating around. We just can't justify spending ANY on ANY of them, maybe $.50. (Our plan does not give us this $ either because we had to buy a new car before filing and the payment ate up much of our disposable income).

We don't not want to tell anyone else about this but how do we nicely not give a gift after many years of giving gifts (they were small-10-15$ gifts at that)?

Any advice?

[CATCHMEIFYOUCAN]

When I get invited to family gatherings, whether they be weddings or birthdays (anything that has to do with having to get a gift), I just say I can't make it unfortunately I have to work - I'm soooo sorry, I'll make it up to you! I don't give anything and they don't ask why they didn't get anything. And leave it at that. I'd be really shocked if someone asked why I didn't give anything - obviously I don't have money! I've cancelled out on 3 family weddings (2 nephews and 1 niece). With the niece though, I actually had a gift: a knife set I won at a casino as a "free gift giveaway." It worked out beautifully, might be tacky but she doesn't know it and its worth $125! Look around your house to see if you have anything "unopened." These days its more common to "pass a gift along." I find no shame in that game. Hope this is helpful somewhat!

Catchmeifyoucan

[lrprn]

We don't not want to tell anyone else about this but how do we nicely not give a gift after many years of giving gifts (they were small-10-15$ gifts at that)? Any advice?

This is a tough spot for sure. I have three ideas:

1. The ever-popular re-gift option where you gift someone with something in excellent condition that you already have but don't use or no longer want.

2. Heading to Goodwill or (gasp) a pawn shop. You can get a lot there for very little - even $.50.

3. Ask your spouse's parents if you two can borrow $50 to buy these Xmas gifts, then pay them back little by little as you are able.

We have a very creative group here - I bet there will be other ideas posted too!

[epiphany]

I had this challenge at Xmas. I no longer have to buy anything for my brothers or parents (we crossed that hurdle years ago, they know I can't afford what they can but I really want to get my nieces and nephew gifts, even though they are getting older.

I gave my oldest niece (17) a beautiful jewelry box that I had bought for myself but never used. I gave my younger niece (13) a pearl pendant that was my own and beautiful. I gave my nephew (16) a very expensive cookbook (he loves to cook) that someone had given me. I thought I would hate parting with these things but actually loved it because I think they will love those things more than I did.

I probably could find more stuff for the kids but finding things to piece out for adults would be tougher. As much as you may hate it, you may just have to start sending cards...heartfelt cards. You don't have to buy a Hallmark...you can print one on your computer. Maybe tuck some stickers or something silly inside that you know they would like. I got some Hello Kitty stickers in the mail from my Mother today and it made my day!

I don't think you need to explain your situation. If they start sending you cards in return, sobeit. You might have just let them off the hook too.

If someone actually cares why you didn't send them a gift, they aren't worth it. If someone is bold enough to ask you why you didn't send them a gift, they aren't worth it either and you don't owe them an explanation.

Be prepared that some may just start sending you cards too instead of gifts, which should be totally cool with you and you might be doing them a favor. Obligational gift giving is tough on many people...you actually may give them a way out if you stop doing it first.

ep

[bkdone]

Another idea is layaway. My girlfriend has a huge family. She doesnt make alot of money and she feels obligated to get everyone something. She starts in January with her list and she goes and makes a layaway at Walmart. She pays that off over time, then goes home...wraps and tags it, and then starts a new layaway for the next people on her list. By the time December comes, she's just finishing up with her last layaway (ususally the toys) and she's got something for everyone, and she's hardly felt the sting of spending. I swear each year that I am going to try this, but I procrastinate.

Also, think of doing family gifts... 1 item for each family.

[Flamingo]

We haven't told anyone except my spouses' parents that we are doing a 13 (filing in about 30 days).

We have many family members and the gift lists for bdays are circulating around. We just can't justify spending ANY on ANY of them, maybe $.50. (Our plan does not give us this $ either because we had to buy a new car before filing and the payment ate up much of our disposable income).

We don't not want to tell anyone else about this but how do we nicely not give a gift after many years of giving gifts (they were small-10-15$ gifts at that)?

Any advice?

You have several options; we have a large family also and had the same problem to deal with. It all depends on your personality and what you feel you can do:

1. Be honest. You don't have to say you filed BK but state there has been a cut in hours or cutbacks at work for either of you and you have to cut back on certain things which include gift giving. Good family/friends will understand and in this economy everyone should understand. Those that don't do not deserve a present anyway.

2. Shop all year round - be alert for great bargains you see that might work for a Xmas present down the road or bday presents. This could be clothing or other interesting items on sale the gift receiver might like. If you can afford the item at that time, get it and put it away.

3. Dollar Stores are fabulous for making up a basket of lotions or hair clips, bath items, etc. You can do a great gift for under $5 with some creativity.

4. Start a change jar. Toss in your extra change at the end of each day and don't touch it. You'd be surprised how it accumulates and can fund several gifts over a year's time. We did this and it worked fine. The key is to not touch it for anything.

5. The tough one is a wedding or a close family member's graduation or other important event. If one is looming and you have several months, get creative in what you think you could do. These are the toughest events to deal with when on a budget.

6. Just state you have started a new policy of not giving gifts and do not want any in return. You do not have to say why or go back to #1 above as an excuse.

7. If family Christmas's have been large, do a Pollyanna (put the name of all involved on a separate slip of paper into a hat and all others draw a name and are just responsible for that one gift instead of giving multiple gifts). The gift would have a cost limit. This is fabulous in an office setting also.

8. Just state you cannot afford it and be hones and say you had to file bankruptcy. Once everyone hears that, you are really off the hook and have no worries whatsoever.

I am sure others will come up with more suggestions for you. You do have a lot of options.

[MajorMike]

Do some surveys and mystery shopping online to supplement. Also, Flamingo's dollar store idea is great! You wouldnt believe the cool stuff you can find there if you look! Do a $5.00 gift basket easily!

We haven't told anyone except my spouses' parents that we are doing a 13 (filing in about 30 days).

We have many family members and the gift lists for bdays are circulating around. We just can't justify spending ANY on ANY of them, maybe $.50. (Our plan does not give us this $ either because we had to buy a new car before filing and the payment ate up much of our disposable income).

We don't not want to tell anyone else about this but how do we nicely not give a gift after many years of giving gifts (they were small-10-15$ gifts at that)?

Any advice?

[MajorMike]

Also there are free things you can get online, trust me! If you register for bridal things at Macy's and other places, they give you free stuff just for registering. We've done that and have gotten tons of stuff and re-gifted. Dont ask me where/how. I gave you enough info there! LOL

When I get invited to family gatherings, whether they be weddings or birthdays (anything that has to do with having to get a gift), I just say I can't make it unfortunately I have to work - I'm soooo sorry, I'll make it up to you! I don't give anything and they don't ask why they didn't get anything. And leave it at that. I'd be really shocked if someone asked why I didn't give anything - obviously I don't have money! I've cancelled out on 3 family weddings (2 nephews and 1 niece). With the niece though, I actually had a gift: a knife set I won at a casino as a "free gift giveaway." It worked out beautifully, might be tacky but she doesn't know it and its worth $125! Look around your house to see if you have anything "unopened." These days its more common to "pass a gift along." I find no shame in that game. Hope this is helpful somewhat!

Catchmeifyoucan

[arkienurse]

Another idea is layaway. My girlfriend has a huge family. She doesnt make alot of money and she feels obligated to get everyone something. She starts in January with her list and she goes and makes a layaway at Walmart.

I don't know about yours, but my walmart did away with their layaway department 2 yrs or more ago. They actually have the job kiosk and a place to pick up online orders there now

[jane taylor]

It's usually easier to find things for the little kids that are in my budget and for adults, we make a small donation in their honor to their favorite charity or local church. That way they don't know the amount. Now the bigger kids and teenagers are a bit of a challenge. My teenagers are learning the hard way to be very grateful for what they have and to not be materialistic.

Office gifts are a challenge for me. I am considered Executive Level staff (although not treated like it at times!) and I have to buy gifts for assistants, baby gifts, wedding gifts, etc. Several of my co-workers know about the BK which makes it tough. I don't want them to feel sorry for me and feel uncomfortable when I do buy a gift. I just try to pick up things on sale that might be useful for those occasions.

I have also made gifts before--cookies, candies, salsa, specialty stuff like that since I love to cook

jane

[Flamingo]

I don't know about yours, but my walmart did away with their layaway department 2 yrs or more ago. They actually have the job kiosk and a place to pick up online orders there now

You are correct on this one. I remember seeing advertisements from several of our area stores in the past (K-Mart included) that they were doing away with their Layaway Depts. because it was costing them money and staff time and taking up room that could be utilized for other things. Layaway has or will become a thing of the past. Businesses will do away with anything that does not make money or costs them money.

[Flamingo]

Office gifts are a challenge for me. I am considered Executive Level staff (although not treated like it at times!) and I have to buy gifts for assistants, baby gifts, wedding gifts, etc. Several of my co-workers know about the BK which makes it tough. I don't want them to feel sorry for me and feel uncomfortable when I do buy a gift. I just try to pick up things on sale that might be useful for those occasions.

I hear ya and I believe the office is more stressful than trying to deal with family gifts/issues! My sister and niece taught me how to make beaded bracelets using eithier the stretch elastic or wire. Michaels, Walmart or any craft store carries all sorts of beads which are usually on sale all the time. Over the years I have gotten creative for my female co-workers and friends/family and create bracelets on themes they would like or colors I know they like and give as presents. I did this one Christmas at work and because it was very personally done, the ladies loved it! And it did not cost me much at all and I used natural stone beads. I bought the see through mesh bags with the pull string at the top (3 for $1 at the Dollar Store) and put a bracelet in each one and also tied red/green curling ribbon at the top. I saved a ton of money doing that. Your suggestion about baking cookies or cakes is another great one as to office gifts. The other is to have a pool for each gift for a wedding or baby shower, each person maybe giving $5 or $10 toward a gift card and all signing a main card. It can get hairy at the office. Our office has a policy against people selling items from like Avon, school fund raisers, etc. so that helps eliminate that pressure at the office to buy something to help your co-worker's son go on his class trip...

[woeisme]

I have had problems with this too (graduation and weddings gifts are hardest, especially if it's close family that gave you something very nice for yours). For Christmas it was easier because once one person mentioned wanting to do away with the gift exchange, it turns out everyone was in agreement and basically just hadn't had the guts to say so! Be that person that the rest are saying "thank goodness so-and-so finally spoke up"! because I can guarentee that no one, no matter what their financial situation, wants to spend as much on these holidays as we've become conditioned to expect in this country!

[CarTho]

Yeah, making gifts is hard if you can't really afford them. Just say that you have something to do and can't make it. I did that once and sent flowers by post instead and everybody was happy. Even if one gift costs only 10 bucks, it might come down to $ 150 or more until everyone has one.