Can't Make Payments -- Now what??

[Sunshine]

Thanks to all who have replied. I really appreciate it.

The legal separation suggestion is interesting . . . however, I am quite certain that my childish husband would not agree to that one and instead would say let's just get divorced. He has brought up divorce many times in arguments when he isn't getting his way or I harp too much on something. One of his first defenses is "then file for divorce!" His answer to many problems is to run and hide, which has actually worked quite well for him in the past, but there comes a point when your luck runs out and I guess it's taking him a long time to see that.

I have tried telling him that refinancing is probably not an option, at least not this soon . . we are only 4 months into our Ch 13 plan. In fact, I think our attorney even told him it was not very likely, but of course, once again, my husband thinks he knows all.

I am fully prepared to let the chips fall and if we lose the house we lose the house. I really don't care. He has no one in his life to take care of him if I'm not around for him. He is all alone . . .parents are both gone, no brothers or sisters, a few close friends but none who will take him in. I on the other hand have a very supportive mother who, although she doesn't know anything about the BK or the extent of our problems, would probably help me and my daughter if I laid it all out to her. I also have several close friends who have already told me that when and if I am ever ready to leave him, they'll be there to help me and my daughter pack up and move. So as helpless as I feel, I think I do have more control in our relationship than he does and I think he knows it. The money issue is the one thing he thinks he can control better than I can.

I am feeling a little better about things today just because I know that if push comes to shove, I will come out of it better off than he will.

Thanks again everyone.

[HHM]

Not that I am pushing this, but just so you have full information, he does not have to agree to a legal seperation...you can force it upon him...however, he could just as easily counter file for divorce.

In any event, maybe its time you call his bluff. However, I understand that there is probably a whole interpersonal history here that we cannot, and should not, address on this website...I just threw it out there because your story is like many stories I have heard and those people used LS to get things back on track.

All you can do is ride it out...also, wouldn't he need you to sign off on the refi anyway, so you could just not sign the paperwork.

[SinkingFast]

All you can do is ride it out...also, wouldn't he need you to sign off on the refi anyway, so you could just not sign the paperwork.

Actually, that might depend on the Lender selected and if Sunshine is a SAHM or not.

When we bought our last house, I had been working part time before the transfer. The Lender assumed I would get a job in the new city, so that loan went thru as a Joint application.

Later, when we refi'd, I was not working. The Lender, different mortgage company, put those loans, the 80% 1st and the 20% HELOC, in Hubby's name only. I was still on the Deed, but not responsible for the loan on the house.

I have SAHM girlfriends that the same thing has happened to. When they refi'd, their Lenders put the loan in Hubby's name only.

Something to be aware of as that can happen.

[Sunshine]

As for signing off on a refi, the mortgage we have now is in his name only. I had such terrible credit that it was actually better (says he) that "we" do it that way. I was fine with it because I figured if he screws things up with the mortgage, at least it's his name on it not mine. I probably should have let the foreclosure go through since he is the one who agreed to a payment he pretty much knew he (really, "we") could not afford.

I told him that he should prepare himself for the possiblity that we are going to lose this house pretty soon since we are going on month two of missing our BK payment.

I have a full-time job that pays pretty decent, but not enough to afford the house payment we have or to continue paying our current payback amount and still have money to eat, drive, live. The idea was we would both continue working . . . one person's income (mine) was going to pay the BK and we were supposed to live off of his. He even suggested he would get a second job to help out . . . now he doesn't even have one job.

I have a call in to our attorney to see if we should be filing an amendment or converting to a 7 or what we should do at this point.

[lrprn]

I have a call in to our attorney to see if we should be filing an amendment or converting to a 7 or what we should do at this point.

If you are close to missing two payments to the trustee, then you're in trouble. Make an immediate face-to-face appointment with your attorney and explain on the phone when you call to make the appointment that you've already missed one payment because your husband lost his job and he still hasn't found one. Your lawyer needs to file an amended plan or switch you over to Ch 7 asap to avoid having your case dismissed. You want to avoid that at all costs! Don't take no for an answer from your lawyer's office - you don't have any time to lose here! Hope everything works out all right.

[Sunshine]

Update

My husband is still not working. One auto loan company has filed a Motion to Lift the Stay so they can recover the vehicle and I'm sure the other auto loan company will be doing the same. And of course, our mortgage company will be taking some action soon too. We have not made a payment on our Ch. 13 plan since September 15.

We met with our attorney today to discuss our options. I have been telling my husband for weeks now that we will likely have to convert to a 7, lose the house and find a place to rent for a year or so. He continues to believe that he can refinance and we won't have to move. This, even after talking to our attorney today. My husband says he has a friend who "owns" a mortgage company and the friend told him to call him after the first of the year and he would help get him refinanced. Mind you, we closed on this house in December 2005, filed BK in May 2006. I am not even sure how many payments he made on the mortgage . . . one, maybe two, before filing BK. Funds we have paid into the plan have been disbursed . . the mortgage company has received about $6000 and we were in arrears at the time of filing. How can my husband possibly think that someone, even a "friend who owns a mortgage company," can refinance him . . not to mention he has NO job right now. I am livid. This man cannot comprehend what is happening here. We sat and talked to our attorney for half an hour today and on our way out, my husband tells me about this friend who can refinance him. (The house is only in his name, I am not on the mortgage.)

Our attorney pretty much told us our best option was to convert to a Ch. 7, surrender the house, find a place to rent or do land contract for a year to establish a consistent payment history and then attempt to buy a house again.

I am going to go insane through all of this . . . I don't know how much more I can take. I understand much more about the BK process than he ever will, yet he won't listen to anything I say and, apparently, didn't hear everything or attorney said either. I swear, our attorney was looking at me like I must be a total idiot for being married to this man!! And I'm starting to think maybe I am an idiot!! ARGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

[HHM]

Thank you for the update. Sorry to hear about your situation and how frustrating it is. Best of luck to you in whatever you decide to do.

[lrprn]

I am going to go insane through all of this . . . I don't know how much more I can take. I understand much more about the BK process than he ever will, yet he won't listen to anything I say and, apparently, didn't hear everything or attorney said either. I swear, our attorney was looking at me like I must be a total idiot for being married to this man!! And I'm starting to think maybe I am an idiot!! ARGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry to hear about the struggles you are having with your husband, sunshine. Bk is stressful enough - dragging a stubborn husband along behind you adds to that stress exponentially! Denial is a very powerful defense mechanism to avoid accepting what we just don't want to accept, and after what you've shared, I'm thinking your husband could be the poster boy for denial!

My husband also had a very hard time accepting that we had to file - months of talking, arguing, showing spreadsheets, etc did nothing. He remained convinced we could still make it out of the hole "somehow"....I just wanted to slap him! Finally after four well-qualified and very experienced bk lawyers told him we had no other option and explained why, he finally did come around.

A question for you...if your husband remains deep in denial and grasping at any straw to avoid facing the obvious, will he actually sign the papers to file Ch 7? What convinced him to file Ch 13?

[Sunshine]

Our decision to file Ch. 13 came very suddenly even though we had been contemplating it for a while. He called me at work one day and said he talked to an attorney not far from my office and asked if I could go over there that afternoon to get the papers started to file. I was surprised since we had been talking about it and had not made a decision. He then told me that he received notice of some kind of hearing that the mortgage company had filed . . yeah, foreclosure papers. So we rushed to get filed before the sale date, which was the following week. He pretty much hid from me the fact that he was so behind on his payments and then waited til the very last minute possible to tell me about the foreclosure sale. We got filed the day before it was to happen.

We would have done fine in our Ch. 13 had he not lost his job. It was a struggle, yes, but we could have gotten through it. His question to our attorney was "how much time do we have in this house?" If we delay converting as long as possible, we may have until spring/early summer. My husband thinks that even if we convert, he'll be able to refinance and keep the house.

I have to accept some responsibility for the position we are in because I did sit by and let him handle the house purchase knowing his personality and his tendency to exaggerate and well, lie!! It was a very stressful time when we were doing the house hunt last fall because we had just found out our daughter has cystic fibrosis. I was totally wrapped up in that and could barely focus on the need to find somewhere else to live. (we were renting at the time and our landlord told us he was selling the house to a family member and we had to be out by the end of the year.) Thankfully, our daughter is doing very well and she is the light of my life. My husband is a very good daddy and treats her like a princess. I know he loves both of us and is doing what he thinks is best . . . but he has never been any good at planning ahead, which is one part of the equation that led us down this road.

Anyway, I am trying to take it one day at a time. We have a lot going on over the holidays so that will be somewhat of a distraction, but we will have to face all of this soon and he is going to have to learn the hard way, I guess.

Thanks for the support. I appreciate you taking the time to respond.

[aa06a47]

First of all, I am truly sorry that the bankruptcy / loss of job / is creating such an emotional and devestating blow to what really counts in life....your family / spouse/ relationships. I truly hope that somehow it can be worked out for that both of your don't lose here.

To me, your husband sounds like someone who will fight until the last breath, some call it denial, some call it hard headed, some call it overly optimistic. I have a feeling that he truly won't realize that he has lost the fight to save his home until the motion to dismiss the case from the trustee arives at the doorstep. Is your husband the protective home type that is simply trying to provide his family with the best, even if he cannot afford the best?

In all reality, your husband may be on one end of the spectrum as far as being in denial, but I believe most of us who have filed bk, put it off longer than we should have. I know I did. It might be the testosterone in us, but we often times don't like to give up.

My suggestion is to try and show your husband what your home needs are, what you are happy with. You might find a nice rental home and just take him there one day and show it to him and say, this is all I need to make me happy and satisfied. He might think that for some reason he needs you to be in a nice home to satisfy you.....and tell him it is OK to live in that house.

[Sunshine]

Update

I haven't been to this site in a while but thought I would update my post in case anyone is interested in what has happened. Maybe someone else can learn from our mistakes. I won't rehash the history . . .you can read my prior posts here for that.

Since December, both of our cars have been surrendered. Luckily, my grandpa had a car to get rid of and he generously gave it to us at no cost. He does not know about the BK, he is just a nice grandpa! It is an older model but low mileage and should last us a few years. When our second vehicle was taken, we got by with one car for all of about 2 weeks. We were able to buy a used minivan for $900. It needed some minor repairs, which we have been able to make.

We converted our Ch. 13 to a 7 and have already been through the whole process and the case has been discharged.

My husband is working, but only part-time, which is a source of great frustration for me right now. At least he is bringing in some money. It just isn't enough.

I don't know where we will be living . . . this is the part that is scaring me right now. We were discharged May 22. Do we now just wait for the mortgage company to set a date for sale? I know we have a 6-month redemption period but what does that mean exactly? Do we have to get current on the mortgage in that period of time? Can we attempt to refinance in that period of time?

My feeling is we should be finding a rental home and getting out as soon as possible. I just don't see remaining in this house as a real option, especially considering that we cannot afford the payment (haven't made a payment since early 2006). I keep telling my husband that we need to get packing and be prepared for a move so that we aren't scrambling at the last minute.

Can someone please explain to me what happens now? We should be getting a notice of some sort from the mortgage company regarding a sale date, shouldn't we?

[car67]

Wow what a jump in a few months from a chapter 13 still trying to kepp house but now went through a chapter 7 and got discharge and still in the house? How did that work? I am thinking on 13 to keep a house or might dump the house and take a 7 and get out of bankruptcy quicker and buy another house after 7 discharges

[Ortgeist]

I'm the one who had to admit that I was causing most of the debt. Of course, it doesn't help when your husband was suffering from alcoholism and agreed with whatever you tried to justify buying on credit. SO....
We are signing for the Ch 13 tomorrow. We are keeping our house and one car. We will have alot cost in insurance, but will start paying our school loans back (ugh- $450 a month payment). I wonder if we should stay in our house. It is 97 years old and we have so many repairs that we put off.
Sometimes, I think it would be nice to get a clean break.
But then again, will anyone rent to us if we are going into a Ch 13?
I think about this often.
I hope your dh can see that the mortgage refinancing will get you further from your dream of being debt free. It takes awhile to start paying down the principle. And even though you won't be paying PMI, it's just like adding another 10000 onto your current house loan. So you will be giving that to the mortgage lender. I'm never doing that again. As I heard someone else say, "I'm not pimping out my house".

Take care of yourself. And if you need to vent, let it all out!
Sincerely,
Carrie

[chpxiii]

Sunshine,

Thank you for the update. I ran across this just now (I'm relatively new to the forum) and was very concerned for you. I sincerely hope that you and your husband have worked your marriage out. I'm not married, but I can honestly say you are far more forgiving than I ever am. I would have left long ago.

Take care of yourself and do keep us updated.

Many hugs to you.

[CindyLou]

Hi,
I am a pediatric nurse and was just wondering how your daughter is doing? Also, in my opinion... GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE!! Now that you've filed BK you will have ZERO protection from judgements and garnishments if you default. Run, run, run from the house! You couldn't afford it when you were bringing in more money! keep us posted
Cindy