How do you handle the emotions?

[jhy12]

meeting with a lawyer on Monday. We had an initial consult about a week and half ago and we will be in a chapter 13. Have $90k in credit card debt.
How do you handle the emotions? I'm so ashamed and really struggling. I don't handle unknowns very well and wanting to get on a budget but have no idea what the trustee will allow (live in MN). Not sleeping the greatest- so worried about being in this for 5 years. Our life on hold essentially. I have a 2 year old and a dog and so worried about keeping the I lives as normal as possible. Sorry, I'm feeling like an absolute failure right now. And worried about the budget.

[LadyInTheRed]

You are feeling shame and fear, both very comon emotions among people who have to file BK. I suggest you handle them with knowledge, persective and the full use of the power bankruptcy gives you.

There is no shame in filing bankruptcy. It is a business decision. You recognize you are in financial trouble and are taking action allowed under the law to resolve that trouble so you can best care for yourself and your family. You will able to make greater contributions to society when you are free of all of that debt. Did you know that the concept of debt forgiveness every 7 years? Creditors knew they were taking a risk when they lended to you. Every extension of risk is a risk. The cost of that risk is part of lenders' business models and factored into what they charge for credit. Credit card companies like high risk borrowers because they are more profitable! If you try to negotiate with lenders for even the smallest changes to the terms of credit, like a reduction to a 10% interest rate (gasp!), to try to avoid bankruptcy, they won't budge. I know, because I tried. If they had only agreed, I never would have thought to file BK and they still would have made huge profits from me. They feel no shame, why should we? I think that covers perspective.

Learn everything you can about Bankruptcy and understand that bankruptcy gives you the power. Right now, your creditors are in control. They don't have to do anything to make it easier to pay your debt and if you don't they can sue you, get a judgement and go after your income and assets to whatever extent your state's laws allow. When you file BK, you take control. You will tell your creditors what you can afford to pay. If you complete your plan, your debt will be discharged and there is nothing they can do about it as long as your plan is presented in good faith and complies with the bankruptcy code.

Don't worry about what the trustee will allow. Make a list of all of your expenses and give it to your attorney so s/he can prepare a livable Chap 13 plan. You will be allowed your reasonable expenses. If the trustee objects, your attorney will work to reach a compromise. When your petition is ready, review it carefully before you sign it, if anything doesn't look correct or the payment seems higher than you can manage, discuss it with your attorney. If you are willing to live within your means and you are not trying to keep assets you can't afford, there is no reason to fear Chap 13. You will make a payment every month and go about your life. You will likely feel relief as soon as you file and don't have to worry about your creditors. Unless you have large amounts of tax or arrears on secured debt that you have to pay, your plan payment will likely be an improvement over what you were paying to creditors before filing.

I hope that helps a little.

[bobcat216]

Well said LITR. Do not beat yourself up. Know that working through this situation while at times tough will make you tougher.

You can do this. One day at time.

"It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars." Garrison Keillor

[Oscarl1]

I know how you feel. I also feel a little withdrawn at work and home. Just keep believing it will be alright and it will. We are both started this process together, I filed June 24, 2016. Hope to hear from you soon. It will be alright.

[bankruptbull]

I hear you, it is a bag full of emotions. I filed on July 8 and am awaiting my 341 hearing. I've already made the first months payment and the payroll deduction order has started and the payments are being taken from my check. I have two younger kids 12 and 8 and a dog. So far no one knows anything different at all. For me personally I can now take a deep breath - the collection calls have stopped. I am not scrambling to try to pay everyone every month and constantly worrying that I will run out of money. I follow my budget and keep my head up. You totally have this - initially the uncertainty killed me, but once the ball started rolling and things started happening it has been so much better.

[switch625]

Filing the petition and making a payment a third of what i was paying in unsecured debt pre-petition was a huge relief and was a good anti-depressant in and of itself. From that point to the 341 I just wanted to get it done. the only stress was watching which creditors would file claims before the bar date. A second huge relief was when two creditors who held nearly half my unsecured debt didn't file POCs. Form the 341 to confirmation, I just wanted to get my plan confirmed. I had no worries as my BK case from filing to confirmation had no major issues.

If all goes well, you may look back at your BK as being one of the best decisions you ever made in your life, but to road to BK is paved with a multitude of bad and ill-informed decisions, impulse actions,and the shame of ending up if this spot.

[spidge]

meeting with a lawyer on Monday. We had an initial consult about a week and half ago and we will be in a chapter 13. Have $90k in credit card debt.
How do you handle the emotions? I'm so ashamed and really struggling. I don't handle unknowns very well and wanting to get on a budget but have no idea what the trustee will allow (live in MN). Not sleeping the greatest- so worried about being in this for 5 years. Our life on hold essentially. I have a 2 year old and a dog and so worried about keeping the I lives as normal as possible. Sorry, I'm feeling like an absolute failure right now. And worried about the budget.

You are not a failure. Bankruptcy is a tool used by even the largest corporations and even cities to prop them up for the future. Keep telling yourself its simply a tool to help you get back up, stand tall, and move forward again. Life does seem like it is on hold during the plan but the freedom you will likely experience at some point during or after the plan is so gratifying. Think about a time in your life when you had no creditors to answer to, good feeling aye. The catch is that whatever you want or need you will be on a cash or no go plan. That said it sure felt good when we paid for various things, some big some small, with cash and was done with it. No other thoughts from the purchase came to mind except the fact that it satisfied a need or want and that there was no strings attached to any aspect of our lives.

A catch that still holds me down a bit is the lack of income growth. I work for Nestle and compensation from them has not grown in the US, so even though I/We completed a 5 year ch13 plan we have yet to show any measurable upside as my income has been so stagnant. I guess what I am saying is look ahead and try to see where you might be at the end of the plan. A chapter 7 might be the better way to go if the option is available.

$90k sounds like a lot but its not, especially spread over many creditors.