hi all, glad i stumbled upon this forum. i'm bad at these blog things and can never seem to figure out how they work but i feel very desperate today and need to reach out. after swearing i NEVER would, i am filing for bankruptcy. only 3 people in my life know. i met with an atty last month and really like him. i'm having trouble (of course) in getting the legal fees together and sent in my first partial payment yesterday. my main issue is that i did a HUGE no-no and went on a spending spree in the last month. part of this is that i have bipolar which is a lot of why i'm in this situation to begin with. after a lifetime (38 yoa) of problem spending, etc. i made peace with the shame and was looking forward to a fresh start, doing things differently (was finally diagnosed as bipolar a couple of years ago which was a huge freedom, but good treatment means improvement, not cure). i was in so much angst with my conscience and integrity i cried at the attorney meeting and wanted to file ch 13 even though i can't afford to and need ch 7. then a HUGE spending spree and once it is triggered it's hard to stop. this was extreme as it was in such a short timeframe. while i still "hadn't made up my mind" to the bankruptcy, come on, i'm not stupid, but so foolish and self-destructive. i can't justify this, i don't know what i was thinking and now i am at my desk at work terrified, ashamed of myself, etc. i don't even know how i spent it, i mean some of it yes, but when i realized the amount yesterday i couldn't believe it. and i was just about to spend $1K more today when i finally woke up - how crazy and sick is this?! anyway, it's not stuff i can return now, it definitely will look like fraud, i will be in trouble or at the least will have to pay back this debt which makes me sick as there will now not be a clean start. i just succeeded at keeping myself in debt, i can't believe it. i am just sick to my stomach at the moment crying at my desk. i would be eternally grateful to anyone willing to share anything. feels good to share with people who have been through this (not the same details but the bankruptcy thing). thanks for reading all of this.